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My friends with ocd: how to cope with feelings?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sadness, Aug 16, 2021.

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  1. Sadness

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    Hi all, i have been quute busy so i took time from here a little bit, and tbh my week was awesome, i didnt test or think of anything until today of course.

    I was until this afternoon when i was talking with a friend about gym, and he sent me a picture to see how strong hes getting, without shirt ofc. And as soon as i saw that pic i started having that feeling in my penis, it has been a min since the last time, so i unconsciously started to test having sex with him, and it was always the same. Even not getring hard and aroused, the feeling was always there and like a wave, sometimes stronger and sometimes not.

    Which yeah lead me to anxiety and discomfort again, so i came here to ask if any of you have some type of tip that can help me to cope with this feeligs whenever they happen. I know i wasnt aroused or hard, but it made me insecure again about myself and that i could be lying. I would appreaciate any tips from anyone, thanks
     
  2. Sadness

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    Its sad how it all turns into a huge snowball. Since yestersay that i tested today i tested too, oncd it came back its hard to stop again. I should stop thinking about doing oral in woman bc this only gives me anxiety and triggers me to test too. And then i have to test about doing a bj again, and then i freak out since my pebis starts moving and theres feeking down there but i still very soft.

    I was in a good streak, dont want to test again but my head is almost forcing me to test about doing a bj again, im trying to control myself, but these feelings seems to mess me up more each time.
     
  3. Chip

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    The short answer, which has been repeated many times, is that there isn't much you can do other than what has already been suggested:
    1. Get the book Brain Lock
    2. Talk to your psychiatrist about adjusting your medication. It isn't working.
    3. Talk to your therapist about CBT strategies, though with the severity of your OCD, it is not likely to be terribly effective.
     
  4. Sadness

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    Hi chips, thanks for the help.

    Recently i adjusted ny medicine with my psychiatrist and because of that i kind am am able to make weekly streaks without testing which is making me very happy. And it got easier for me to accept the uncertain and live with the anxiety and with the uncomfortable feelings. On the other hand is hard for me to deal with extreme triggers. The worst is to cope with the feeling down there and the movements that i feel down there too, which makes me believe im getting aroused and hard but when i look im not. This is an extreme trigger that immediatly make me test with anything sexual related with men.

    I think what i need to do is find a way to cope with this feeligs, since they are random, in different situations, such as intrusive thoughts, or a picture in social medias, and even sometimes it happened when i got closer to a friend of mine. This makes me instantly test myself.
     
  5. Sadness

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    Oh and if you dont mind chips i have a question, is not something thats been happening to me, is just a general question, i actually talked about that with other guy here but neither of us knew.

    How can you differ the anxiety from ocd and the anxiety from just like a normal person discovering about her/his sexuality, ive been wonder for quite a while now. So if you dont mind i would love to know the answer.
     
  6. Chip

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    That's a really difficult question to answer, because the anxiety itself isn't really distinguishable. What makes the two different are a combination of things:

    First and foremost, OCD is a disorder of neurochemistry. The neural pathways associated with fight-or-flight, alertness, and hypervigilance are overly developed and the ones for calming and self-soothing are underdeveloped. So if you're walking in a park and a tiger comes lunging out, you should feel incredible anxiety, and that fear response triggers your body to get the hell out of there as fast as possible. In OCD (and, for that matter, generalized anxiety disorder), the pathways that are identifying fear are overly sensitized and developed, and the pathways that would normally go "Wait, we're not in danger any more, nothing to fear) are both dysregulated. But OCD has a whole bunch of other brain dysfunctions associated with it that have to do with the capacity to objectively evaluate information. So not only do you have the anxiety, but you have an inability to realize that the anxiety isn't real and there's nothing to be anxious about.

    Someone with anxiety alone might be able to know that the anxiety is irrational, but they still can't get it under control. Someone with OCD won't even be able to figure out (at least, most of the time) that the anxiety is irrational, or that testing it will be futile. So in a way, it is the inability to process that the repeating behaviors are nonsensical and pointless that differentiate between OCD and anxiety.
     
  7. Sadness

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    Oh i understand, it really seems that we cant actuallt figure out this, and keep testing, i see the patter. But this works with feelings too? Can anxiety manipulate feelings too, because lately ive been thinking that my feelings are broken, i dont what of them are true and what is false. Testing kissing boys, i dont feel nothing unless tingling and chest feeling and makes me feel like this is wrong, not feeling something, on the other hand thinking kissing woman makes me feel this bad weird feeling in my chest, stomach like theres a wall that dont let me enjoy, like i dont like what im thinking and doing. So this brokes me completelt, bc i didnt think about this before, so i dont know what i would feel. But majes me feel like my feeling are really broken, even related to sexual things, i dont know if the feeling with woman is true, and i dont like, and with man is false and i like. So anxiety plays a role in feelings too?
     
  8. Chip

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    The problem is, OCD hijacks all rational thought. And yes, anxiety (and, for that matter, depression) screws up our capacity to feel and process normal emotions. For folks that don't have OCD, but do have anxiety or depression, it isn't uncommon for them to have very low or no attraction/arousal/sex drive, and this is one of the most common reasons for the misclassification that people make in describing themselves as asexual. Very few people have much in the way of sexual feelings if they are super anxious or super depressed, but the evidence-free crowd that have come up with all of these unrecognized labels fail to understand how emotions interact with sexual arousal.

    This doesn't really provide clarification to your question, but hopefully you can understand the interplay between anxiety driven by OCD, the hijacking of your brain's normal functioning as a result, and why you're unable to make sense of this.

    Here's a shortcut that will save you a lot of time (and reduce the number of postings of a million variations of the same question, if you use it). For any question you can possibly think of that's related to "Is my OCD the reason why I do __________" or "is my OCD the reason why I feel _________", the answer is "yes."
     
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  9. Sadness

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    Yeah anxiety isba feeling killer, it really makes someone feel numb, maybe this is why i spent 4 last years without being in love, since i spent those last years only about "am i gay?"

    I think the real problem is the inability to live without knowing about something, if you take my example, what makes me always come back to testing about kissing girls x boys is because of the weird feeling in my chest that feels like im not enjoying. Although i kissed 3 times in my life, i was always very aroused but i cant remember if i was feeling what i should be feeling, there was one time that i was kissing a girl and i just stopped out of nowhere, until now i dont know why, but i was super aroused and we kept holding hands and walking at the shopping so it awesome, but everytime i try to remember what happened, i feel like i felt what im feeling now, i cant say, like this weird feeling in my chest, but i cant say for sure. The other time i kissed the girl i was in love at the time, and again was super aroused and hard, but i dont remember if i felt what i should have feel, or if was just a blank feeling, but with a lot of arousal. Its been so long i cant remember.
    The last time i kissed was last year before pandemic and i can remember feeling something warm maybe, bht was very aroused, and walking with her holding her hand was simply amazing, cuddle and all this, it was a fast kiss but i felt happy and good after, maybe bc i thought i wasnt gay, since i got aroused and all that beeing with her.

    And when i used to test with man in my head i was just feeling this anxiety, that made my heart beat fast, and was nervous, but there isnt that feeling on my chest so for some reason i can imagine a man kissing me, and feeling this kind anxiety i think feeling, and sometimes a feeling that feels kind warm or that i feel relieved for some reason, maybe bc im not hard. But dont give arousal or hardness, so this makes my head explode and i cant just live with this doubt, thats why i always come back, when i know it wont help at all, i thought it wohld clarify once and for all but its always the same, get anxious bc of a random guy, a handsome guy then i have to test with him. If i would be able to feel good fantasizing on kissing girl, without this weird feeling it would be much mlre easier.

    This is why i always questioned about feeling here, bc i dont know what im feeling rn, and i dont know if what i feel is what i should have felt, a lot of times i think i will get aroused thibking aboht kissing guys but in the end i dont. I dont know if its bc i have this for 3 years maybe, but i just dont feel nothing, i dont feel im attracted to anyone, or in love, i dont want to talk to any girl, im just blank. I can only see thing bc of arousal now, i think i might like girls bc i get aroused by them, but i dont if i would one day fall in love and wont be able to kiss her bc of this feeling lol. I even kissed 2 male friends already, it was a fast kiss but it wasnt that big deal, i felt like nothing, only a tingling down there i think.

    I wish i was in love with a girl, all my friends dated already, had sex, and when i think of having sex with a girl theres only fear and anxiety, what if i dont like doing oral, what if i dont get up, what if she doesnt like what im doing, and they all say sex is amazing and dating is awesome too. I dont know this, i dont feel nothing anymore.
     
  10. Sadness

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    But the good thinf is that im trying my best to not post about everything that happens to me here, i would have posted a lot more, but i just hold it to myself, what i post is only the things that cant deal by myself anymore
     
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