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My friends act weird now that I’m with a woman.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by NewPan6, Nov 15, 2020.

  1. NewPan6

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    I was married to a man for 16 years. We divorced and remain friends. I met a woman 8 months after the split, I’ve fallen head over heels. I came out to my family and have been supported completely. My children have done well and adore my partner. But the most unexpected is how my close friends have reacted. Not all, but a solid amount. The reactions range from jealousy, to wanting to overly be involved in our life, to completely cutting us out of their lives. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions and reactions thrown at us. And unfortunately it seems that all these reactions have made us hesitate to make some important decisions and share exciting news. We are continually torn between removing these people from our lives and trying (over and over) to keep them in our lives. I’m confused and feeling overwhelmed. Looking for any input or advise. Has anyone ever had this happen?
     
  2. Lucy Marie

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    Oh, honey, I am so sorry. You became a truer version of yourself and you got this reaction. ((momhugs))

    As the expression goes “you cannot please all the people...”. If you like you may reply, but you don’t need to

    who is more important when it comes to supporting you?
    why do you want these naysayers in your life? (am not being flip, think about it)
    can you and your partner make friends together?
    we both know that there are people who want to hear every detail about our sexuality—regardless of what is who cares what their questions are MYOB

    Go and be YOU! You are incredible, I can break it down if you want me to, and deserve this happiness. Don’t let small minded people have a say in your excellent news (I would love to hear it when you are ready to share). Be joyful. I appreciate losing friends, but rarely are friends with us our whole life.

    (momhugs))
     
  3. NewPan6

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    You make valid points. It’s hard where we leave in a town under 3,000 to not have everyone watching your every move and sharing their opinion. Gets exhausting.
     
  4. Lucy Marie

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    I have lived in a similar situation, smaller town, and understand where you are coming from. The lesson I learned is just be myself. People gonna talk if you chose Coke over Pepsi—nature of small town. Obviously, this is greater than soda, but please please don’t let anyone else into your relationship. Relationships are hard enough with two people—a whole town? Cannot be healthy.
    Okay, now I just sound like a lecture bunny, so I will stop. But, please really do put this relationship first in your life.

    ((momhugs))
     
    NewPan6 likes this.
  5. QuietPeace

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    I have lived in an even smaller town that you do. I have also tried to make everyone else happy. It never works you can never do enough for them and it is really difficult to try. I recommend that if someone has a real problem with your life or relationships that it is just better to avoid them. Spend more time with the positive people.
     
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  6. OliveToday

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    If you’re unsure, stop calling/zooming/etc. the friends you’re unsure about. If they stop contacting you or only reach out to you to get gossip, they’re not in the friendship to support you. If your decision made them uncomfortable and they aren’t self aware enough to express that, that’s something they need to work on that you can’t help them with (even if it’s as simple as them thinking that they liked hanging out with your husband cause he told the best jokes).

    When I look at the people in my life, I ask myself how I feel after most interactions with them. If I feel better afterwards or lighter and I had a good time and I feel either energized or rested, that’s usually the friend I go to most. If I leave most interactions with them and I’m tired and grumpy and feeling unheard or ignored, I start evaluating if that friendship is worth my mental and physical energies being sucked away. Typically, it isn’t.

    It sucks when present friends no longer resemble their past selves, especially when their new self is all their worst traits amplified. Believe me, I’ve been there. Please know that you are important. Your choices are valid. Don’t let them bully you - that’s not what friends do.