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My dad again

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Rayland, Jan 2, 2023.

  1. Rayland

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    I've have a letter ready written, just cathering courage now to even just give a letter. I did come out by letter to my friend though, so I'm out to few people, but parents are a different story.

    Sending same back and hugs.
     
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  2. Jakebusman

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    What does the letter say ?
     
  3. Rayland

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    It says a lot of emotional stuff. I'm going to share it at one point. I translated it into English too.
     
  4. Rayland

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    My letter.

    I'm getting emotional simply reading it, but here it is anyway. Maybe it will help someone to make their own letter. I will take suggestions too on how to make it better.

    Dear mother, father and sister!


    I have so much to tell you and I don't even know where to start but I have to tell you somehow and a letter was the best way to do it because talking face to face would be very emotional for me and I'm afraid I won't be able to control my feelings so all these right sentences that I want to pass on to you to get out of my soul properly. I fear with all my heart that you will hate me because of all this. This is my greatest fear of all, as I love you very much and it would be a great pain to lose your support. Here it comes. I don't know how much you know about this topic, but I am a transgender person. This means that my biological gender does not match what I feel in my soul. I don't identify as a female person. Never felt like this. It's not your fault in any way, it's my true self and the male soul is just inside of me and I haven't been able to express it and it's gnawing at my soul. I honestly tried to be normal. I always pushed all these thoughts and feelings away from me, but the older I got, the harder it became. When I looked in the mirror, I always felt like someone else's eyes were staring back at me, and it was extremely scary. I felt like a monster. I also have gender dysphoria, which again is definitely a new concept, but it means that my body is uncomfortable, clumsy to me. I don't feel good in my body. What now? I want to change my gender. This is all too complicated a process to discuss in this letter now and I want to give you time to process it all as it may all be very shocking to you. One more time. It is NOT your fault. It's all happening inside me. If it's anyone's fault, it's my fault, because I can't continue to be the way I was born. I tried to imagine that I would live my whole life as a woman, and I couldn't deal with that image. I became extremely sad and burst into tears. You must have also had questions about my orientation when I want to find a partner. Dad probably thinks that's why I'm like this, because I like women, but this has nothing to do with it. I hope you will forgive me for this sin, but I really cannot go on like this and live in a wrong body. It must be very shocking because you probably feel like you lost your daughter, but you haven't lost anything, you just got a son and your dear sister got a brother. It may indeed all sound very ridiculous to you, and it was a ridiculous thought to me at first, but after a long and thorough self-examination I feel much better when I think of myself, as a man, my heart is glad. When I imagine myself as a man, it makes me happy. Here I will end this letter. I feel like I've said everything I want to say. I cried several times while writing this letter. Please don't hate me. Right?


    I love you all so very much.
     
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  5. marsphse

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    it's amazing that you wrote a letter! i hope things go well if you give it to them

    i hope you know that the way you feel is not a fault or a sin but something wonderful that makes you unique! being lgbt makes us different and resilient in a very specific and cool way i think :raised_hands:
     
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  6. Rayland

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    Thank you. I know that now, but at the time when I wrote this letter, then this all was new to me. My emotions were raw. I barely knew anything about lgbt, so, these were my honest feelings.

    This community became so dear to me and now I'm glad I'm part of it. I was always lgbt, just never knew about it. It gave me a place where I belong to, withouth judgement or riddicule.
     
    #26 Rayland, Jan 11, 2023
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2023
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  7. Mihael

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    Good luck with the letter. I hope everything goes as well as it can.
     
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  8. BlueLion

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    Hey Rain!

    How have you been? I saw this thread yesterday night and, now, I found a moment to read it carefully. Sorry for not posting before, but as I said I didn't realised you had posted a new thread.

    First of all, I'm really sorry for the argument you had with your dad about your looks and so on. Yet, I'm glad that your mother and sister were supportive.

    I will never justify your dad's behaviour at that precise moment, because it was unacceptable. Having said that, he probably acts like this because he had a tough life, a difficult upbringing and, maybe, acceptance towards LGBT+ people in your country is not as widespread as in other countries. What I'm trying to say is that the social, family environment can really affect us in the way we see the world. As you said, you have good memories with him, but he also hurt you with his attitude towards the changes you're trying to implement in your life. Anyway, as BiGemini told you, it's up to him to change himself for the better and become more supportive. So, that's something you can't control.

    As a lot of members told you, you've walked a very long path in a very short time, which is impressive. That proves you're a strong, powerful person and you will be able to achieve all the goals you pursue.

    The letter you wrote is very emotional and it expresses very well how you are feeling about yourself and the love you profess to your family. May I ask you if you come from a very religous background? I'm asking you that because you talk about concepts like guilt or sin. Well, I think that if there is a God, he would be infinitely good and he definitely wouldn't create LGBT+ people if he though that it was something wrong. Anyway, there's nothing bad about being transgender. It's the way you feel, the way you are. You didn't choose it and it's totally respectful.

    I don't know if I'm being helpful at all. But I just wanted to show you my support and tell you that I'll be here if you ever need to talk.

    Warm hugs and I hope everything goes well for you. :slight_smile:
     
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  9. Rayland

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    It's okay and no worries about replying. I think you said all the right things. My dad did have a difficult upbringing.

    My country is mainly conservative and it's told that the people here are least religious, but many do go to church.

    I always tell people that I'm an atheist, just because I don't wish to tell people in real life about my beliefs. I do believe in God and angels, but in my own way. I'm not part of any religion. I simply had my own experiences, that led me to believe. I don't believe that God is a physical being or like us humans.

    My family are not part of any religion either. Though they are religious. They mostly have beliefs that have similarities to Christian beliefs or also Catholic beliefs. They are also supersticious. I was raised in such a household.

    When I was young, then my school even had religion classes. I've also studied about it all a little, when I still pursued to become a nurse. I even thought about becoming a pastor at one point.

    It's not bad being trans, but I'd never chose it for myself. I hate that I am one.
    I thought I was a straight female, who is focusing on school and work, but in the future is getting properly married in a church with a man and raising kids in a traditional way. This all is a huge and overwhelming change.

    And thank you. I really appreciate all the support I'm getting here. Withouth you all I'd be a mess. Hugs.

    I'm doing okay right now. I'm not too active though, just because it's exam period now and there is so much work, but I will be more active soon.
     
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  10. chicodeoro

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    Hey Rain, I think it's a beautiful letter. It comes from the heart.

    BUT I have a bit of structural advice: paragraphs. You need to break your letter into paragraphs. That way instead of one intimidating block of text, it becomes easier to read.

    Think of where you might put the paragraph breaks in for maximum effectiveness - eg have one just before the big reveal:

    Anyway, all I can do is wish you the very best of luck with this. This letter deserves to find a loving reception. I really hope it does.

    Big hugs,

    Beth xxx
     
    #30 chicodeoro, Jan 13, 2023
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2023
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  11. Rayland

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    The letter is in paragraphs. I condenced it in here. It's full A4 paper lenght otherwise, so it would be easier for them to read. I'm glad we think the same. :grin:

    And thank you so much. Hugs.
     
  12. BlueLion

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    Hello again! :slight_smile:

    I can't fully understand all the difficulties and struggles that entail being trans, since I have not been there. But I assume that it must be a very difficult process, especially in a conservative place, so I understand you wouldn't choose it for yourself. As you say, all this has been a huge change. I really admire your courage.

    Good luck with the exams too! Hugs!

    P.S: This is not related to your thread, but as we ended up talking about religion and beliefs due to my question, I'm going to add something else. I think we are on the same page (or in a similar one) in the point of beliefs. I don't identify with any religion either, even though I attended a Catholic school as a child, but I have my own beliefs (about after life, the idea of god, the reason that we are here, etc.). I know lots of people who think similarly, so as you can see it's not a strange case. Anyhow, sometimes it's better to say you're an atheist / agnostic so that people don't bother you with their questions. I do that myself. Also, sorry if I brought up a topic you didn't feel like talking (if that is the case). Hugs and take care! :wink:
     
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  13. Rayland

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    Thank you. It has been difficult to accept myself, but I think I'm moving forward and in a direction, that I'm supposed to go towards.

    Don't worry I don't mind talking about it in here. It's just that people usually think you're crazy, if you've had experiences that are different, but I haven't got this kind of attitude here in the forum and I do talk about religion with others here too. I almost died 3 different times and was even told, that I won't live past 18 years, but am still alive. It all has given me a sense that I have a purpose here, what has really changed my perspective about religion.

    Hugs and take care.
     
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  14. marsphse

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    it's wonderful to hear that you find comfort in the lgbt community - i definitely do too
     
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  15. Jakebusman

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    Hope you give them the letter soon and they accept
     
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