So, I'm a little confused... and I feel comfortable enough with this community to talk about it... I've known since I was about nine or ten that I liked both genders. I've been open about my bisexuality since I was about fourteen or fifteen. What confuses me is my attitudes towards the different genders. When I *cough* um... masturbate to women, I um... ejaculate quickly, and I feel... wrong, and... tense. It's similar when I sleep with a girl. I'm really excited at the start, but about halfway through I do one of two things: 1) Get bored, pretend to orgasm, and feel a little... wrong. 2) Orgasm, and feel very wrong. My attraction to women won't return for about an hour. On the other hand, when I um... masturbate to guys... I feel really relaxed after I finish up, and sometimes have a goofy little smile on my face. My attraction to men stays constant. When it comes to the notion of romance, I feel nothing for women. It sounds a little bad saying this, but it's really all about the sex. I mean, I care about them, and I like them, but there's no romance there. With guys, I get the fluttery feeling in my stomach, the smiling for no reason, or the contentedness of being in his arms. I'm very confused, and not sure what I am. It's not like I care too much about labels, but I would like to at least know why I feel this way... I apologize profusely if I was too graphic.
This sounds similar to how felt not too long ago. Ive known ive been attracted to guys for a while now and as time passes by, i feel less and less aroused by women. Dnt get me wrong, i can certainly appreciate the womans form in all its glory but guys just 'do it' for me. It sounds to me that you're certainly swinging more towards guys, especially with the "fluttery feeling in my stomach, the smiling for no reason, or the contentedness of being in his arms". Mayb you're gay. This would certainly explain the difference in attitudes after masturbation/sex. I certainly found it difficult to masturbate to women, but felt a lot more natural when i did it to guys. I havent labeld myself 'gay', just like how you dnt have to. Not everyone needs a label for who they are or their sexuality. Im a virgin and certainly dnt intend to only experiment with guys in the future. As to not being sure 'what' you are, you're just a human-being with your own set of emotions and attractions. You dnt need to BE anything or fall into any catergory that society dictates, just go with the flow.
Hey, Boi. I have to admire you for your honesty and your ability to say how you feel. A lot of times we think we OUGHT to feel a certain way. And when we don't, we get upset. Don't think of your sexual orientation in terms of either or--gay, straight or bi. Water is not ice, liquid or steam--there are different temperatures. That's the same with us. I can function on a limited basis with a woman. But guys are it for me otherwise. Don't worry about it. From what you said, it sounds like you've had enough experience and reflection to figure yourself out and have a good idea what your "temperature" is. Now, it sounds like you just need start accepting yourself for who are are and what you are.. There are no "shoulds" when it comes down to WHO you are supposed to be. Just be. It gets better. And it's sounds like you are really self-aware and heading in the right direction. Tracker
WOW... bro honestly! You honestly just summed up how I feel better than I ever have before -- like I want to take this post invert it and then post this about myself! But I won't. Honestly though it hits home for me on every point except for me it is flip-flopped. I have known since I was young that I was, well, attracted to both genders. Sexually anyway. Now I am not open with my bisexuality like you, because for a long time I was confused aka still am! Okay anyway.... I just can't believe it's been summed up. For me it is the exact same thing. I have long LASTING attraction to women. Like when I am with a woman I can love her and flirt with her and feel so comfortable. I have slept naked and cuddled and smiled and been so happy. But... I am also attacted to guys. But when I have encounters with guys, or even masturbate to fantasies or porn -- I feel good in the moment. On a couple of occasions with my hookups -- I get sooo into it at first, like raring to go and then if it last long I find myself bored and just wanting to escape but not knowing how so I continue and rush toward the finish line. After I am finished -- attraction IMMEDIATELY dissipates. I can be lying next to a hot guy and feel nothing afterward. I don't want to cuddle, embrace, nothing. I get kinda awkward. I have said in my posts before -- that this cause great confusion for me because I never know which way I should be swinging. I am so emotionally attracted to women but then at the same time I am still sexually attracted to men. My biggest issue is accepting bisexuality I think. And as I have said before I think it's because if I accept it I don't feel as I will belong to either team and I will be stuck in limbo; which others have reassured me I wouldn't be. But seeing another bisexual person post how I feel nearly 100% gives me a little bit of hope actually. I don't know what to say advice wise because I am in the same situation as you in a way but thanks so much for sharing. You've definitely helped put my mind a little at ease.
Like everyone has already said, sexuality is fluid and its not as easy as gay or straight. Have you heard of the Kinsey scale? Its not perfect, but its a very simple way to explain just how fluid human sexuality can be. You can be a 1, a 6 or anything in between. The important thing is to know that wherever you land its okay I have , and sometimes still do, gone through confusing phase of trying to exactly pin point what I am. After some really frustrating times, and a lot of soul searching, I came to the conclusion that whatever I am, I was going to enjoy it and not let it stop me from living my life. Its hard to forget about labels, we are human after all, so the best thing to do is to concentrate on what you know and nothing else. For example, - I like guys both emotionally and physically - I like girls emotionally - Sometimes I like certain girls physically and have enjoyed sleeping with them - I like kissing, period Then be okay with that and try to enjoy it. Its your life. Only you have to be okay with what YOU like On another note, the label that you give other people and that one you give yourself can be different. If people ask me what I am I say gay because its simpler to explain. If they get confused after that then its not my problem
I appreciate everyone's responses, and I'm glad that so many of you can identify. And I don't feel the need to be anything. My main concern is just... why I feel so empty after sleeping with women. That's all. I'm just trying to understand, why there is that feeling. I understand sexuality is fluid, but that still doesn't explain the way I feel. I'm not worried, and I'm not having trouble accepting myself. I'm just confused.
The main reason why people feel empty when they sleep with someone is because they don't really like that person all that much. Whether it be because they are a woman or because you don't like them as a person is up to you to decide.
If you feel awesome after sleeping with men, but lousy after sleeping with women, I think you should only sleep with men. (Patient goes in to the doctor and says, "it hurts when I do this!" And the doctor says, "Well, stop doing that!") Some people distinguish between sexual and romantic attraction. Under that distinction, you would possibly be considered a homoromantic bisexual, meaning that you are sexually attracted to both your own and at least one other gender, but that you are only romantically interested in your own.
