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might come out to a childhood friend today

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Spidersneakers, Oct 30, 2022.

  1. Spidersneakers

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    ill probably delete this later if i can lol
    im meeting with a friend ive known since kindergarten, we have been friends for a long time and im glad we still keep in touch. i only see her about 3 times a year, but when we hang out its very fun and im always glad to invite her.
    for the past 2-ish years ive been dressing more masculine and cut my hair and stuff. she was surprised when i showed up with short hair, we often talk about our other friends that we lost touch with and we talk about how they changed. the conversation always circles back to lgbtq issues, she is supportive and trys her best to be inclusive. we talk about how everyone around us is changing, last time we met she talked about how i looked different and asked me my pronouns.
    i wasnt ready to share that with her because i didnt want to lose her as a friend, and i was still questioning myself at the time.

    today i have plans to see her this afternoon, i feel like i should tell her whats going on, i dont want to have to lie to her anymore. i think she should know the truth, ill try to explain my experience the best that i can if i do come out. ive always been more masculine than her, but weve also been girly together and doing random things kids do. she might not see me as a guy, and i dont blame her. it takes a long time with close friends like that. i know shell be confused but accepting, i think shell try her best but im also wondering is it worth it to come out to her if we rarely ever talk? im not out to my family so shell have to keep calling me a girl whether i like it or not. i dont know maybe its pointless to come out to her. let me know if you have any advice on how to approach this.

    summary: ive known this friend for awhile and i dont want to lie to her anymore about my identity. should i come out to her or is it pointless, she says she supports lgbt. i just want to explain to her why ive been different lately and that i have distress/ dysphoria about my birth sex.
     
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  2. mnguy

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    I hope it goes super and she is the best to you! :slight_smile:
     
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  3. BiGemini87

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    I don't think it's pointless at all. Even if you don't see each other as often as you'd like, it sounds to me like you two are still really good friends. I understand your concerns--even if she's accepting and supportive of LGBT people, it might still be difficult for her to come to terms with changing how she sees you, given how long you've known each other. But I also have a feeling she either suspected the last time you two saw each other (given her question about pronouns) and because of that, no matter how difficult it might be, she'll do her best to support you in whatever way she can.

    I also understand you wondering if it's pointless because of your parents, as well--but I think if you explain to your friend that they don't know yet, it'll be okay. How often does she talk with them? If it isn't frequent, then there's little chance of her slipping up to them, and when you two aren't around them, she can address you with whatever name you choose. She might even embrace the chance to practice so that it's easier for both of you. :slight_smile:

    If you need to take some more time to mull things over, that's okay. It's a big decision to make, and sometimes it's easier if we give ourselves time to prepare for it. But if/when you do tell her, I hope she proves to be as accepting as you need her to be, and that she'll help you feel more yourself.
     
  4. Spidersneakers

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    Thank you so much! Our parents know each other so if she tells her parents about me, they might out me to my mom. I’ll figure it out, she didn’t seem very open about lgbt topics this time and I didn’t want to pry about anything so I didn’t end up coming out to her. This better prepares me for next time we meet though so thank you!
     
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  5. PJ208

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    Seems like the perfect friend to talk to about it and confide in.
     
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  6. Jakebusman

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    How did coming out go ?
     
  7. PJ208

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    How did it go?
     
  8. mnguy

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    Yeah, we need answers lol :wink:
     
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  9. Spidersneakers

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    I tried bringing up the conversation but she didn’t seem open to it. We were going to a movie and my mom was there as well lol so its not really the best place to have that conversation. I guess its just a matter of waiting for the right time.
     
  10. Jakebusman

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    Hope the right time comes along
     
  11. PJ208

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    Probably a good call. haha. Time and place for everything. Hope if eventually goes well for you. :slight_smile: