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Maybe i should change meds again or find someone else

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sadness, Jun 29, 2022.

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  1. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Yeah i understand your point, i just dont want to, maybe treat ocd for 10 years, thinking everyday that i will beat it and then i will finally have a girlfriend, have a happy life without questioning, to then discover im gay, cant i do both at the same time, what if i spend my life trying to treat something that is only a matter of me accepting im gay
     
    #41 Sadness, Oct 29, 2022
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    As we've told you at least 10,000 times, unfortunately, you can't do both at the same time, because your OCD is interfering with your ability to make sense of what is going on for you.

    I don't know how to explain it any more clearly than saying OCD hijacks your sense of reason. You experience beliefs that are not real, but you have no way of knowing they are not real, because the OCD is interfering with that.

    IF I were in your shoes, I would light a fire under my new psychiatrist's ass, tell him that you are absolutely miserable, you've been dealing with this for years without much improvement, and you need help NOW. Ask him to either adjust your medications, or to consult with a psychiatrist who specializes in working with OCD to get some input on the best strategy for managing your OCD.

    You've been dealing with this entirely too long, mostly due to incompetent professionals handling your treatment.
     
    #42 Chip, Oct 29, 2022
    Searching2022 and Hawk like this.
  3. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
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    Hope your doing and feeling better !
     
    #43 Jakebusman, Oct 30, 2022
  4. Sadness

    Sadness
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    I told him this already, we’re getting new meds and trying to do a different approach to ocd behaviors

    but i also told him my compulsive tests

    how woman seem to be getting more disgusting

    how my tests with men are making me getting hard

    told him about the test of a gay friend of mine doing a bj to me and when i test i do get hard and feel arousal

    and how it seems hard to fantasize about woman

    and how fantasizing about a woman doing a bj to me seems harder to get aroused than when i test to a guy

    all this stuff

    an i think he might be thinking im actually gay, maybe this new approach is to try to accept me as gay
     
    #44 Sadness, Oct 31, 2022
  5. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Im in a current situation where i start testing with men like today, where i tested about doing a hand job to him at the cinema and only felt the tingles but at some point it turned into a transwoman and i stopped testing and just masturbate to the woman
     
    #45 Sadness, Nov 14, 2022
  6. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Saturday, something that bothered m a lot happened

    i was at a concert, on the vip stage, it was crowded, and was just enjoying the show

    suddenly a woman got in front on me, and started to dance

    the problem is that her butt started touching my groin area

    And i freaked out, i tried to get out of there but i couldnt, it was crowded

    so i stayed there because there wasnt anywhere to go

    the problem is that i got hard there

    and im feeling so bad for getting hard at that moment

    I didnt want to but i didnt have anywhere to go


    im kind traumatized because of what i did when i was just a kid, 11 years, i told this here already
     
    #46 Sadness, Nov 18, 2022
  7. Sadness

    Sadness
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    And im trying to understand if this trauma of mine has something to do with what im going through

    i feel bad everytime i remember, those friends of mine accepted my appologies, said we were just dumb kids

    but i cant forgive myself
     
    #47 Sadness, Nov 18, 2022
  8. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Yesterday i failed at not testing and i tested about giving a bj to a guy again and got hard at the first moment, but couldnt maintain or orgasm, but it would eventually get hard

    i will ask my paychiatrist if he thinks im gay, or if this test is bc of transwoman
     
    #48 Sadness, Nov 20, 2022
  9. Sadness

    Sadness
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    I keep failing on not having tests

    when the thoughts come i try to shut my mind and have anxiety because i fear the feelings im feeling

    im starting to fear the tingles

    and the moments where i try to think about a guys dick and give a blowjob and the tingles and sometimes i get hard too

    i fear this feelings, i have anxiety when they happen

    But once i sit down and search for men penis i dont feel those feelings

    when the thoughts and tests come i tey to stop because i fear those tinglings and hard ons

    i dont want to feel that

    i dont know if it means im gay

    i just dont want to think

    am i doing right? Or should i let feel the feelings ?

    It does mean im gay right? Bc im getting hard

    im feeling so lonely

    i dont have anyone to talk to about this anymore
     
    #49 Sadness, Dec 15, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 16, 2022
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