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Long time reader, first time writer

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Angeleno, Nov 25, 2020.

  1. Angeleno

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    Good morning, in SoCal time anyway. I am going to try to give a quick synopsis as I think I’ve read nearly identical stories to mine a lot of times.
    • I had concluded I was bisexual and told most girls I dated as much at the time I moved to California about 20 years ago.
    • When I moved to California, I was not certain I would date men, women, or both.
    • I ended up choosing women and eventually met the woman who is now my wife.. I did not tell her - for various reasons - about my bisexuality. I had come to the conclusion that it did not matter, any more than it mattered if I’d found other women attractive, as long as I did not act on anything.
    • Many years later my same sex attractions are hard to ignore, and I am not certain that I am not actually gay and spent much of my life repressing that fact.
    The reasons I concluded I was bisexual originally, and what goes into my thoughts about being gay are complex. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve had a couple minor hook-ups when I was younger, none of which went that well because of my own hang-ups. I don’t know - regarding my own levels of attraction to either sex - what is programming, what is not, etc. I do know that, increasingly, I feel solely attracted to men. I have not had an affair, and like many on here, I am nowhere close to the point that I feel ready to upend my current family life. I’m not saying it will never happen - upending my family life, that is - just that I am not ready,
     
  2. DecentOne

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    Hi Angeleno,

    Welcome to Empty Closets (and moving from reading to posting)!

    I came out to myself and my wife just 2.5 years ago, after many years of marriage and having raised our kids to adulthood. I worked with a counselor to figure out I was bisexual (I had thought of myself as straight until I started having all male fantasies about three years ago I knew something was different).

    If you haven’t found it already, the LGBT Later in Life sub-forum has lots of folks wrestling with this.
     
  3. quebec

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    Angeleno.....Hello and a very big welcome to Empty Closets! There are quite a few subforums here on EC and one that is titled "Sexual Orientation" could be a good place for you to post. The discussions there are often about the kind of things that you have mentioned in your post. We are very glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets! You are a part of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care. Please keep us updated on how things are going for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  4. SGee

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    Angeleno,

    Our stories are nearly identical. Im a 48 year old male and felt bi since i was 13. Got married to a woman though in my 20's.
    Over the past 3 years Ive become increasingly attracted only to men and lost interest in women. It has been a confusing process - the gay feelings have taken over my mind 24/7 now. Even gay dreams...
     
  5. Angeleno

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    Ahhh... the gay dreams. I have those as well. For a few days afterward, at least, I feel 100 percent gay when they happen.
     
  6. Angeleno

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    Thank you, DecentOne. The LGBT Later in Life forum is the one I’ve mostly read for the past few years off and on prior to joining this site.
     
  7. Angeleno

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    Thank you for the welcome!
     
  8. SGee

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    Yes- they make it real
     
  9. out2019

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    Hi and welcome!

    This happened to me too, and it was enough to 'latch on' to to convince myself it I wasn't gay. Denial can be a really strong force!
     
  10. SevnButton

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    Hi @Angeleno -
    You so concisely put into words what I've experienced. After coming out to my wife a couple of years ago, she's still furious with me for keeping my secret for all those years. Why did I do that? "I had come to the conclusion that it did not matter, any more than it mattered if I’d found other women attractive, as long as I did not act on anything." That's it!! And, a long time ago I figured out that it's just not a good idea to tell your primary partner that you find someone else attractive.

    I've never had a boyfriend, just a minor hook-up in my 20s, and I've always been faithful. So here I am, later in life ....

    Thanks for your posts. You help me to remember I'm not alone.
     
  11. Obsidian3

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    Welcome to EC, you will find the right resources to help you sort out a lot of questions and dilemmas.