Hello, all! I am a happily married, lesbian woman who was a bit of a late-bloomer coming out at the age of 21/22 after dating men for several years. I always knew I was gay, but growing up in a small town with a conservative family lead me to bury that side of myself for years. I am happily out and proud for the past 7 years and am married to the love of my life, but there is one big issue I am still facing. I was assaulted (on more than one occasion) when I was younger as, sadly, many women and men are in their lifetimes. I have been in and out of therapy and have done a lot of work on identifying my triggers and learning to cope effectively. I’ve come a long way in feeling better about myself and in learning to live with the effects of it. However, I find myself compulsively angry and distrusting of heterosexual men as a result, especially men I don’t know. I always assume they have the worst intentions and am quick to react if my wife suddenly develops a new close friendship with a man I’ve never met. This behavior is not fair to my wife or to the poor guy I don’t even know and I acknowledge this and try to work past it, but sometimes the fight/ flight instincts take over and I have to let them run their course before logic kicks in and I can rationalize why I got so worked up over nothing. This is not a lack of trust on my wife’s end at all. We have been doing long distance for the duration of our relationship and I have never doubted her loyalty to me, it’s always the random man I don’t trust to not hurt her especially when they’re alone and/ or drinking, etc. I’m sure the distance does not help my situation, but I’d really like to work on this as I can’t always be by her side to *protect* her and, as she loves to remind me, she’s a grown woman who doesn’t need protecting and I should trust her judgement on who she hangs out with. The last man I tried to maintain a close friendship with made a comment when we went out once about how he “could have raped me” if he wanted to and I should be glad he didn’t. This certainly fueled the fire and I haven’t tried to maintain a close friendship with a man since. Does anyone have any personal experience with a similar reaction towards men? I hate feeling like the “man-hating lesbian,” because I am generally very easy to get along with and I try not to judge people until I get to know them. I have been doing a lot of reading in self-help books on trauma and am trying to be more aware of why I react the way I do, but I swear it sneaks up on me when I least expect it. I am just hoping someone on here can offer some insight or advice that I haven’t stumbled upon yet. Thanks in advance!