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It was going to happen eventually . . .

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by padre411, Oct 6, 2010.

  1. padre411

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    I'm a rector of an episcopal parish and in the process of coming out.

    In July I came out to one of the Deacons that work for me. I am trying to put a trusted team together. I'll need them in place when I come out to the congregation. The plan is to do this in May just before my wife graduates from Occupational Therapy school.

    A Deacon in our church is ordained and has made vows that should have covered any risk i took in telling him.

    I found out yesterday that Deacon John has outed me to his wife, two former parishioners who hold a grudge against me and two current parishioners. One of the parishioners, Oscar, lives in my guest house with his son.

    Oscar came to me and said that Deacon John is not my friend and has been telling people I am gay - beginning at the dinner with all of the above people in attendance. It couldn't have been a slip because John sought Oscar out the next day to make sure he understands what gay means. Oscar's English is a bit spotty.

    Oscar finally came to talk to me because the group is putting pressure on him to spy on my household and tell them what is going on. I'm not anxious, there's not much to tell. I am amazed at yet one more instance of "Christians behaving badly."

    I will be confronting John at breakfast Friday morning. This will move up the schedule for telling the congregation quite a bit. Somehow I'm not worried about it. I've broken none of my ordination and none of my wedding vows.

    I will have to tell the Bishop why I'm moving the schedule up. Deacon John, who is recently ordained, is in more deep shit than he can imagine and I can't protect him from it.

    It will be an interesting breakfast on Friday. :eusa_naug
     
  2. s5m1

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    Mike, I am sorry that this has happened. There is no excuse Deacon John can offer that would excuse his breach of your trust and his vows. As you and I have experienced, usually the fear of coming out is far worse than the reality. In fact, coming out has been a wonderful experience for me, and I think for you as well. I hope that coming out to your congregation will not change that. There are many things in life that we cannot control. This is certainly one of them. I am glad that you are not anxious. Although the timing will change, perhaps this will be a blessing, as you will be fully out a bit sooner. Take care and know that my thoughts are with you.
     
  3. Eleanor Rigby

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    Mike, I'm sorry that you've been outed by someone you thought you can trust. On the other hand the great thing is how calm you're staying, that's really impressive.
    I hope is going to go fine with your Bishop and the congregation.
    Keep us updated.
    Take care (*hug*), C├ęcile
     
  4. adam88

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    Is your houseguest supportive of you being gay? He seems so from your post.

    In any case, it looks as as though you have the moral and ethical high ground in this case. I wish you the best of luck. Please let us know how breakfast goes.
     
  5. KneeDragger

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    Good luck Friday. I'll pray for you. It's sad that people who consider themselves Christians don't look at their own behavior and realize that they are not emulating the behavior they profess to follow in the Bible. The only good thing is that those people tend to represent a small minority. Hopefully they don't cause problems for the majority who will probably be far more concerned for you and your family than they will be with you being gay.
     
  6. Holmes

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    Very sorry to hear that, it's not something you want someone else making a decision about, for them to think it's their business to tell.

    But let's hope you make the best of it now!
     
  7. EM68

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    Sorry to hear that the deacon outed you like he did. What he did was wrong. I was outed by a coworker to a number of people at work and now I am totally out there so I know what you are going through. From my experience I felt very vounable and my mind was racing a million miles an hour. In the end what happened, nothing major. If anything I have grown closer to a few of my coworkers and it started a dialog. I don't know if it will happen to you, I hope. But like you said you did not do anything wrong or broken any vows to both your wife and church. Keep your head up, you are in my thoughts. Let us know what happens. :slight_smile: