Hello everyone, my first time and I really need your opinion on this. I like boys. Me and my friend know each other 5 years. We are like a family - we trust and support each other. We live in different places so we meet occasionally. It's usually me who goes to his place. We drink at evenings and sleep in one bed, because it's the only bed available. He's very excited every time we meet. I like him, but I'm hiding it and nothing "weird" ever happened between us. However lately I've noticed that his behavior changed a bit. When we sit next to each other he starts to lean on me (arm to arm) and put head on my shoulder. I thought that he needs a hug so i put hand over his shoulder in a friendly hug. I like him, and it's on a friendly level so why not? However something weird happened that evening. When I was approaching the bed he said "I'm inviting you" he never did this before. I was kinda shocked and my auto reaction was "what?" then he repeated. I didn't know what to say so i just quietly lay next to him and we fell asleep. We were drunk, so I've decided to ignore it. So i guess everything's still on a friendly level. At our next drunken meeting, we were sitting together and at one point he grabbed my hand and slipped his fingers between mine in an interlocked grip. I thought "oh my god is he gay?". We played with our nails, rubbing thumbs, you name it. This could still be on a friendly level? I had doubts... All of this experience made our next meeting wonderful. It was a sober evening, so i thought nothing will happen. Hell i was wrong! He turned off lights, we laid next to each other. We played with our hands, touching with our heads. After some time he put his leg over my thigh. I thought "ok, i can't take it anymore, what is he trying to tell me?" His voice softened. He was turned on. Then I thought "fk that, it went too far already" and I kissed him in the cheek! He smiled. I like the fact that he act the same without assistance of alcohol. We love to play with our hands and we are sexually aroused just by that. Once he grabbed my whole arm and he squeeze it to his body so hard that it went numb. We like to hug, but he didn't touch me on more intimate level. However he's creating many coincidental events and using words that associate with sex. I'll give you example of "accidental events". We were lying on the bed and at one point i turned on my side. After a moment he did the same. He turned on his side showing me his back which I found rude, but soon after i realized why he did it. At one moment (we were laughing about something) he pushed against me touching my crotch with his butt (spoon position). If it was an accident, he would take it back and fast. No, he rubbed his butt against my crotch few times during laughing. It looked like a coincidence, an accidental laughing twitches. Maybe he's testing me? At one point i was sitting with closed eyes for a good few minutes. When i opened my eyes i found him staring at me! Everything i wrote happened during 3 meetings, so it's really fresh. There is more, but i wanted to keep it short. I can say that he allows me to do things at more intimate level (he kind of teasing me to do it), but he don't reciprocate. He was soft all the time which i found weird (stress?), but later he went to bathroom to masturbate. He's also reluctant of me touching him under clothes, but occasionally he's allowing me. Everything happens without words, we never discussed it. He never questioned it. It's like something obviously natural to us. It's like we both waited for this for a long time. I'm confused because we were on a family friendship level and I'm not sure if his behavior have something to do with it. I'm not sure what is his take on me. At emotional level he's into me 100%, but at more intimate physical level I'm doing stuff and he's just enjoying it. His physical passiveness confusing me. Laying or sitting next to me and grabbing my hand is the only thing he initiate. Maybe he's questioning his orientation or it's the first time he's experiencing this and he's extremely cautious? If yes, then maybe i went too fast on him physically and he feels embarrassed. We see each other once in a month or even longer, but he's fine with that. We have a set date and we're waiting for it. He doesn't feel the need of chatting with me during that time which makes me sad (i know that he's busy studying, but still). Could this be because of his personality? He naturally don't like to initiate conversations. Always it has to be me who text first. However once we meet i can feel his excitement just by my presence. He's not leaving my side for a moment. I can feel emanating jealousy. I don't know how should i behave at our next meeting. Maybe I should play passive and see if he'll do something? I don't want any statements out of him, because it's too fresh and there is high risk that he go denial and i don't want him to distance himself. Everything what happened basically exposed our self to each other, but still his passiveness on intimate level gives me doubts. Thank you for reading. If you have any additional questions I'll answer them.