Well, sometimes i still think that all this is just me being untruthful to myself, i went to a reddit related to this ocd, and it have 10000 people there worrying about the same thing that you do. Ngl i already thought that all of us, all of that 10000 people are just lying to themselves. I have those feelings whenever i test myself with gay fantasies, i know, its complicated, is hard to explain this feeling, is just that i have some arousal maybe. I want to ask, do you want to masturbate to men? Like really want to, do you have a desire to masturbate to man? Because reading your text just feel to me that you are seeking for a proof that you are gay so all this would stop and you would be free. I know, i am like this too, im afraid od being gay, but i just want that endless cycle to end. No one here switch their fantasies without noticing, this is in fact intrusive thought, i have this all the time, all the time. I said this before but i dont think that anxiety is only related to internalised homophobia, you just fear of being gay, so this feelings that should mean arousal appear, then boom, "im gay" and then you have anxiety. And its not possible to supress arousal. I say this bc i used to try to hide that i dont get aroused with transwoman, i was always anxious, but i was rock hard, super hard. And it was extremelly pleasurable. Im sorry i cant help you, i wish i could. Really, i wish i could help both me an you, but i dont know, im just pointing out what i think its correct. Sometimes i think im just in denial too, almost all the time, and i dont know what to do too. All i can say is that i think is ocd, bc of what people here have said already ): Today i saw gay hentai and was aroused at some point, tried masturbated afterwards thinking about, had kind of a erection, but as the time was passing i lost erection, im really confused. Hope you feel well bro.