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Is it safe?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Justmeisenough, Nov 25, 2022.

  1. Justmeisenough

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    So I have a girlfriend or atleast someone I'm talking to right now for the past few months. We met online on an lgbt/dating site. I 100% trust her and believe in her but recently I'm not sure. We plan to meet up in about a week or 2 and I'm nervous about not because I'm finally meeting her but I don't know what might happen. I'm putting my trust in someone I met online. My mom had a bad dream about me going to her state for something and getting attacked. And after that I had a dream I was out meeting with someone and I got kidnapped and tortured. I'm so scared now that I bought a taser for when I go next week. I really want to meet her but this is real life and there are Nad people out there. It makes me question like do I actually know her. Is there anyway I can be safe? We planned an amazing day together filled with restaurants and ice skating I would love to trust her and let all worries go but I can't. I have anxiety and I'm prone to panic attacks so it might be my anxiety are an actual feeling.
     
  2. Rayland

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    It would be the best not rush into meeting with someone you have only known for a few months and at least maybe get to know each other through pictures and video chat before you actually meet up. Try and also google their name. It's always good to be cautious. Make sure you tell someone you have these plans like maybe to a good friend who knows about it, so that there is someone who knows where you are and only be together in crowded areas. Make sure there are boundaries and let them know what you are comfortable with and with what you aren't. The moment those boundaries are broken, even after you making them clear, then you know she is not to be trusted. It's a major red flag.
     
  3. Aspen

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    Rayland’s advice to get to know each other through pictures and video chat is a good one. If you can’t video chat for some reason, talking on the phone can also be helpful.

    My wife and I are kind of a weird story of doing all the wrong things but still working out okay. We didn’t meet in person until we’d been dating for six months. Didn’t talk on the phone. Didn’t video chat. We didn’t really share pictures, except that we had each other on FB and had pictures of ourselves there. She used a different name and I didn’t even know it wasn’t her legal name until I went to her house for the first time.

    My advice on staying safe: Meet in a public location for the first time. Make sure someone knows where you are and when you should be home. Stay in control of when you can leave—meaning always have your own transportation out. If you can drive everywhere, do that. Make sure your phone is charged.
     
  4. Isadoorian

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    To add on to this a little, see if it's legal in your State to carry some Pepper Spray or a Taser with you for Self-Defence. There are all sorts of websites that will offer that information, though most are bound to be State Government sites of some form considering the content of interest.
     
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  5. BiGemini87

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    I can't give any advice that hasn't been given already: if you do decide to meet with her, do it somewhere public and well-populated. If your misgivings are really strong, I'd go with Rayland's recommendation to get to know one another better through phone/video calls. That way, if there's any question as to her identity, that should put your mind at ease. If she refuses and can't give a good reason as to why, then I'd say that's a red flag. Likewise if she becomes upset with you over wanting to wait longer before meeting in-person; boundaries are healthy to set, and if someone can't respect them, then that's a pretty clear indicator of whether they will respect you or not.

    Whatever you decide, be safe (and if/when you do opt to meet her, make sure someone else knows where you are and will be there if you need to bail early).
     
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  6. Justmeisenough

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    Update: I bought a taser, my friend is going to be a third wheel and we are meeting in a public place to go ice skating.