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Is it contradictory to be heteroromantic bi and be open to dating the same gender?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MerryGoRoundMi, Sep 24, 2021.

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  1. MerryGoRoundMi

    MerryGoRoundMi
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    Like I know someone who seems/sounds pretty much heteroromantic bi but when I asked if they would be open to dating the same gender, they are open but have not had anyone interest them? So is this a contradiction or can dating mean things like casual or non serious/one time thing. Is it common?
     
    #1 MerryGoRoundMi, Sep 24, 2021
  2. Lemony

    Lemony
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    Sounds more like bi with a preference.
     
    #2 Lemony, Sep 24, 2021
  3. QuietPeace

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    Welcome to EC.

    You say that they seem heteroromantic bi, what are they out to you as? I do not think that you can know someones orientation without them actually telling you. Judging by externals is just stereotyping someone.

    The person says that they are open to same sex/gender but so far have not found someone. There is nothing at all unusual about that. Being open to either men or women does not necessitate finding all men and all women attractive, there are a lot of factors to being willing to be with someone.

    Dating can mean many things. For some people that is the word that they use to mean they are having random hookups. For me dating is a way to get to know someone better and means nothing about sex. It all depends on the person.
     
    #3 QuietPeace, Sep 24, 2021
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  4. Chip

    Chip
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    To make life simple... there's no credible data to support the idea of a separation of romantic and sexual orientation, as much as the evidence-free folks would like to convince people otherwise. What you do have quite commonly is people who are actually gay that aren't ready to accept it, so they claim they have "romantic" attraction to women but sexual attraction to men. Most of these folks figure out pretty quickly that their "romantic" attraction to women is really just... friendship (think Kurt on Glee if you remember that... he had a million friends who were girls, but had zero sex interest in them.)

    So your friend is probably simply bisexual, or perhaps toward the gay end of the spectrum but not willing to come to terms with that yet.
     
    #4 Chip, Sep 25, 2021
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  5. MerryGoRoundMi

    MerryGoRoundMi
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    I mean, can it not be contradictory if is casual? Why do you say that and what do you mean?
     
    #5 MerryGoRoundMi, Sep 25, 2021
  6. MerryGoRoundMi

    MerryGoRoundMi
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    So can they identify as heteroromantic bi and be open depending on what dating means?
     
    #6 MerryGoRoundMi, Sep 25, 2021
  7. MerryGoRoundMi

    MerryGoRoundMi
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    Hi, did you see my response?
    I call them heteroromantic cuz they specified they find the same gender attractive sexually and have never had feeling
    When they say open, does it mean this and is not a contradiction like when a straight person say they are open:
    They're more saying that if they did feel attraction to the same gender they wouldn't be against it or try to deny it but the thing is, they usually don't.
     
    #7 MerryGoRoundMi, Sep 27, 2021
  8. QuietPeace

    QuietPeace
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    I am sorry but your use of english is difficult for me to understand.

    I will try to break down what I understand you to be asking and then answer that.
    You call them heteromantic. The thing is what are they out to you as? It seems to me from what you have said that they are out to you as bisexual but that they have told you that so far in life they have never been with someone of the same sex/gender. Fine, if they are out to you as bisexual then they are bisexual. A person is not required to have had sex with the opposite sex to consider themselves straight. If a person says that they can be attracted to both men and women then they are bisexual.

    Also the last part is an incomplete statement. "They never had feeling" = they have no nerves? I doubt that is what you meant. From what you have said it seems to me that you are trying to say that they feel that they could have same sex/gender attraction but have never been attracted to a specific person who is the same sex/gender as they are. This is fine, to me if someone is open to a relationship or sex with both men and women then they are bisexual.

    As I have said, if they say that they are open then that is what you have to accept. A person gets to decide their orientation, you do not get to judge them or force a label on them. As I have also said, a person does not have to be attracted to every man and woman to be bisexual. They also do not have to have had sex with both men and women to take on that label. A person gets to use the label that they want.
     
    #8 QuietPeace, Sep 27, 2021
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  9. Lemony

    Lemony
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    Random question but what you brought you to EC?
     
    #9 Lemony, Sep 27, 2021
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