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Is having a 90:10 preference for a gender still considered Bi?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MerryGoRoundMi, Nov 2, 2021.

  1. MerryGoRoundMi

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    Like if someone has a 90: 10 preference regarding gender, are they still bi?
     
  2. Jakebusman

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    Yes I like guys more than girls and still consider myself Bi
     
  3. Unsure77

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    My best friend is Bi, but she’s married to a dude and leaned mostly towards dating men. She’s still bi. They actually make jokes about it. They’re able to mutually appreciate the female form.
     
  4. curiouspasserby

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    I’m having difficulties with conceptualizing bisexual attraction as percentages. I understand the general concept (you have equal attraction to both sexes or may prefer one over the other); however, I suspect my monosexuality prevents me from understanding at a deeper level.

    For instance, when you say 90:10, do you mean that you find the bodies from one sex to be substantially more arousing than the bodies of the other sex? Or that your fantasies greatly feature one sex and may feature the other sex every once in a while?

    I don’t mean to come across as offensive. I’m just genuinely curious.
     
  5. Rayland

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    Just in case. Being bi don't only mean that you have attraction to women and men, but you can also be attracted to multiple genders.
    If you feel like the term bi suits you and it describes you well, then the percentages don't really matter. The attraction is not a 50/50 split anyway.
     
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  6. BirdWatcher87

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    That’s a really good question!

    I know for me, my feelings in all ways are the strongest for females and always have been. I do have feelings for men as well, but they tend to fluctuate from day to day. I still consider myself bisexual and it feels really good!
     
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  7. johndeere3020

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    Don't get too hung up on labels. Just do you, be the best you that you can be and love whoever it feels right to love!
     
  8. gravechild

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    Yes, although many will choose simply straight or gay out of convenience (or heteroflexible/homoflexible; straight/gay with exceptions, etc.)
     
  9. BiGemini87

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    The short answer is yes, the individual in question can still be considered bisexual. I know a lot of us use the whole ratio thing often, but to be honest, I don't think it's ever been accurate. No one can know for certain what their exact percentages are, and for many of us, these are on something of a cycle.

    The basic gist is this: if they experience attraction to both sexes, even if one more than the other, it still qualifies. :slight_smile:
     
  10. MerryGoRoundMi

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    Would many still use bi?
     
  11. Unsure77

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    At the risk of being cliche, it might be better to worry about what label you’d like to use and not what other people do. The labels are a communication tool. Do you want to tell other people you’re not 100% straight?

    There’s something called the Kinsey Scale that sort of rates where people are on the sexuality spectrum on a scale of 1 to 6. Someone who is completely straight is a 1. Someone who is completely gay would be a 6. Anyone who is anywhere in the middle is Bi (whether they’re a 2 or a 5). You’re in the middle, from what you’re describing. It’s just a question of if you want to use a label that communicates that to others.
     
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  12. johndeere3020

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    Sexuality can be fluid also, different points in your life may bring different feelings. For me, I can feel very gay one day, very straight the next but mostly somewhere in the middle. BI describes me best I think.
     
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  13. gravechild

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    Well, I don't have statistics or anything, but it would probably depend on how self-aware they were, along with how tolerant the society they grew up in, experiences, age, etc.
     
  14. Chip

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    If you really think about it, the purpose of a label is to facilitate communication. So whatever label you choose ought to communicate what you are trying to say.

    If you're 90% attracted to one sex, but want to keep the door open to other possibilities, then there's nothing wrong with saying you're bi. But someone else who is 90% attracted to the same sex and only 10 to the opposite sex might choose the label "gay" because, for convenience, it more accurately describes who she or he is.

    Think about it not in terms of conforming to anybody's rules (mainly because... there are none, really) but in terms of accurately conveying where you are.

    It might also be willing to explore, within yourself, whether the 10% you're referring to is really there, or if you're putting it there to avoid acknowledging that you're actually gay and not bi. A lot of folks, on their path to self-acceptance that they're gay, do adopt the "bi" label as a bridge identity while coming to fully accept themselves. Nothing really wrong with that, except that it does make it a little harder for folks who are genuinely bisexual, since many people (wrongly) assume that all bi people are secretly gay and don't want to admit it.

    At the end of the day, what matters is that the label seems authentic to you, and (hopefully) it is a wide enough used term, and used in the way that most people understand it, so that it accurately conveys the message you're trying to get across. That's what really matters.
     
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  15. Rayland

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    I have been trying to figure out what label bi or gay describes me the best, but @Chip answer has been very helpful.

    I have been having conflicting feelings. I feel like I don't want to limit my options, but gay label resonates with me more. It does describe me the best. Same time I feel like to me, if I come out to people, then it would be easier to just say I'm bi. I do have an attraction to certain type of women, but don't know, if I could have a romantic relationship with them. I just havent explored this enough.
     
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  16. MerryGoRoundMi

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    If you're 90% attracted to one sex, but want to keep the door open to other possibilities, then there's nothing wrong with saying you're bi. But someone else who is 90% attracted to the same sex and only 10 to the opposite sex might choose the label "gay" because, for convenience, it more accurately describes who she or he is.

    would it be accurate for that person to be bi
     
  17. Unsure77

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    What’s accurate is whichever label makes them comfortable/happy. The labels are for social and communication purposes. Not for a scientific classification where precision is key. They’re for humans and human interaction. If you think about it, for some people it might be easier to say “gay” because that’s all they’re interested in dating, so maybe it’s simpler for them. For other people, they may want to say “bi” just to communicate to friends and partners that, while they’re mostly gay, the attraction to the opposite gender is still there (just so there’s no surprises when they do observe or react to the opposite gender some). (Going back to the story of my friend and her husband who share commentary on beautiful women when they’re people watching or watching films). And for someone who’s mostly straight, that label may be important just to claim their place in the lgbt community. It just depends on what you want and need. What feels right. What helps you meet your goals.
     
    #17 Unsure77, Nov 4, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2021
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  18. Unsure77

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    To answer your question, yes, they’re technically bi. But whether they should use that label or not depends on the person and what they want. What they’re trying to achieve with whichever label they choose.