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Is bisexuality even relevant if you only date the opposite sex.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by RD Spencer, Jul 30, 2021.

  1. RD Spencer

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    It seems that most people see bisexuality as a much bigger deal than I do. For guy who is married to a women, I keep going back to thinking that being bi is not significant because I will only ever be with a women.


    I don’t feel like I having anything going on that adds any importance to it.
     
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  2. Jakebusman

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    Ive only dated girls but still like guys
     
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  3. Mihael

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    I never felt the need to come out specifically with my orientation, but I mention in a casual manner who I find attractive. So how significant it is - is up to you. And I also thought I won't date a girl. But later I fell in love with a girl and dated her. So when the time comes and you will love a guy - it will become relevant. Imo, no need to force anything.
     
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  4. DecentOne

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    Hi RD Spencer,
    I’m married too, and will be with my wife monogamously, not (or ever) others, yet I still needed to come out. I don’t want it to be invisible. I feel more authentic being out, and yes the bisexual part of who I am matters. Each of us is different though, so if it is less so for you don’t worry about what others feel about it.
     
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  5. RD Spencer

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    The whole thing seems odd.

    Its like telling people is more about closure for them than for me. Their curiosity would be satisfied but I am not sure if there is anything for me in it.
     
  6. LilLady9

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    So, first, I totally understand where you're coming from and it's the primary reason I've only came out to a few people.

    Until I'm dating a guy, which isn't necessarily likely (even though I'm open to it) to happen, what's the point of coming out before then? I absolutely love women, enjoy having sex with them, and ultimately want to marry a woman and have kids.

    However, I have noticed when I've came out to someone, I've experienced some sort of euphoric feeling. I have also experienced an urge to tell others... Although I've thought about it, I'm not totally sure why I've experienced this euphoric feeling after telling someone, nor am I totally sure why I even have the urge to tell other people.

    As for other peoples situation other than mine, one thing I can think of is a bisexual person that is young and single, that is going to date both men and women and ultimately commit to one or the other. In this situation, I can totally understand why they would come out to everyone. Perhaps they will be bringing both men and women home to their family (whoever their dating at the time), and also introducing their boyfriend/girlfriend to friends, coworkers, etc.
     
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  7. gravechild

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    Yes? Just because you're dating someone of the opposite sex doesn't make your attractions to the same sex disappear. Then there's the whole issue behind coming out or not, and how that impacts them. As stupid as it sounds, even friends, family, partners, etc. of LGBT people can get "second hand" phobia
     
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  8. Unsure77

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    I could see it being beneficial to come out to your partner and/or kids just as a transparency thing and so your kids know it’s ok. It removes the possibility of them ever feeling lied to and it might explain things about you to them. It makes it where you never have this deep, dark secret with them and you don’t have to worry about getting outed or having this big, dramatic reveal later in life.

    But, I say that as someone who is gay, and I also don’t know your situation. I know I have a friend who is Bi and is in a happy monogamous marriage, but her husband knows. They apparently kind of make jokes about it since they can both sort of appreciate beautiful women together and she takes her son to pride events and things (my area’s event is kid friendly).
     
    #8 Unsure77, Jul 31, 2021
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2021
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  9. BiGemini87

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    I think the important thing to remember here is that your orientation is defined by your attractions, not by who you date/have sexual experience with. Just because you're with a woman and not likely to ever be with a man (or perhaps anyone else) doesn't change your bisexuality.
     
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  10. Mihael

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    It happens until you get used to it. Sexual orientation different than you thought is quite a realization after all, isn't it? Now that I think about it, I also experienced it, and for me it was... it's because it was quite a revelation and that's why I wanted to talk about it all the time and/because I had strong feelings about it. But generally speaking, I'm just not a very excitable person and everyone around me approached the subject very casually, so... it turned out to be no big deal.
     
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  11. DragonChaser

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    Visibility. It's relevant because of visibility.

    Lots people struggle with moderate same sex attraction, not understanding that mutual attraction to both or more genders is both normal and common. The more visibility, the more we change the narrative, the more we help some teenager or even older person who thinks they're "just confused" or "greedy" because they don't have any other social touchstones to self-acceptance.

    While, functionally, it may not alter your life very much, it could make a world of difference to a friend or a family member.

    Just my two cents.
     
  12. Ingvermama

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    I decided to come out of the closet because I think it was increasing my mental health problems not being out, and not being seen for who I really am. I didn’t feel ashamed of who I am and so wanted to share it with people who are important to me. I also want to be recognised as a member of the LGBTQ community, and what that brings, and I don’t think being in a straight relationship lessens that at all.
     
  13. RD Spencer

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    For short periods of time my sexuality will seem like a bigger deal, but most of the time I slip into thinking its not much of a deal at all.


    For most of my life and especially when I was younger I had a lot going on that largely overshadowed my sexuality, so I didn’t get to think about it much.
     
  14. BiGemini87

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    That's understandable. I think there are quite a few of us who can relate to this, bisexual or otherwise. And like you, my sexual orientation and what it might have been back then held little importance compared to other, more immediate concerns.

    I don't recall, but did you come out in your youth? Or did you realize your bisexuality a little later in life? I'm just curious, as I wonder if it impacts some of how we view it and ourselves.
     
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  15. gasqueman

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    I don't think people should feel the pressure to 'prove' they're relevant in the LGBTQ community. Bisexuality has always been historically important to the LGBTQ community. It's a valid form of gender expression. Even if you've only dated women in the past that doesn't mean your attraction to men is any less real.
    Besides, statistically there are more straight people than gay people. So of course most bisexual people end up with a partner of the opposite sex.
     
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  16. RD Spencer

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    I didn’t say anything about my sexuality to anyone until much later in life and that was very little said to just two people.


    I started questioning myself at a young age though. In my early teens at least.

    Part of the reason I didn’t say anything then wasn’t sure if there was anything up my sexuality because I was still very aroused by women. I was stuck see sexuality in terms of black and white back then and didn’t understand that a person could be near the middle of the spectrum. It was, either you are straight or you are gay.

    In my mind since women did plenty for me then how could I be gay.


    If I had lacked desire for women and was completely gay I probably would have said something back when I was a teenager.


    Anyway, since I decided to stay quiet about it and keep it in the back of my mind, that is what I got into the habit of.


    One of the main reasons I keep coming back to thinking about it and finding this site is the people who say things suggesting I an not straight.
     
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  17. Spaceseed

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    If it ain’t broke why fix it , I see your point of view