To give people a bit of my background: I come from a South-Asian country and from a highly conservative Muslim family. I am out to my immediate family, and despite their Muslim and conservative background, they have been pretty tolerant about this issue. I currently reside in Canada (on Work Permit) and trying to get PR here. Despite coming from a very homophobic country, I never had to deal with internal homophobia in my early years. I was very confident in my gayness, never felt any kind of shame or guilt associated with my sexuality. The homophobia I dealt with was entirely external -- from my peers and society, but I never had any kind of problem with accepting my sexuality myself. However, ever since I moved to Canada, something changed. I found using words like gay and lesbian -- even to myself -- a bit frightening. Watching gay movies (which was a favorite pass time of me) became extremely uncomfortable; I would literally fidget at the sight of two men getting intimate. Whenever I see a handsome young man sitting in front of me or somewhere, I would just move away from him. It's funny I never had to deal with any internalized homophobia while in my birth country, however ever since moving to Canada, I am having to face it. I have a psychological theory to explain this. While in my country of birth, my gay dreams were just that -- dreams. Obviously I never had any chance of those dreams materializing, so I never had any problem dealing with my homosexual urges. But ever since moving to Canada, those dreams have become REALITY. I now have to ability to do anything I want. From hookups to real relationships to living openly with my sexuality. Now that everything is real, it's much more difficult to deal with them I think. For instance, I find hookups very easy. But when trying to actually date a guy, I found it very tough, and that's because hookups are a momentary thing. Actual dating is long-term and I don't have what it takes to deal with the repercussions of a real relationship. So exactly how do I deal with my internalized homophobia and try to accept myself more?