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I'm straight, but there's this girl..

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SoLongMarianne, May 25, 2015.

  1. SoLongMarianne

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    Okay so basically i'm straight.I think. (I hope. It's less stressful tbh) I've had tons of crushes on guys, have had strong feelings for guys and i'm definitely attracted to them :eusa_ange The thing is, like i can register when a girl looks pretty/gorgeous and i'm super comfortable with physical affection towards/from girls ( i have a really touchy feely group of friends) and so physical contact with guys and girls ain't an issue. But still, i am straight (?) like i find it hard to believe that any girl regardless of her sexual orientation couldn't find another girl attractive, cuz girls are all soft and pretty and lovely. The softest and loveliest and prettiest being this friend i have. And she's bi.
    Anyway a couple of weeks ago she turns to me whilst we're laying together and goes 'You know I've never said it and you'll never admit it, but you do not seem straight either.' I obviously then asked 'whatttt?' to which she proceeded (whilst spooning me) to tell me all the 'not straight vibes' i send out: She said i touch girls a lot, like being touched by girls and that i was 'all over' this girl at the party, (i explained that i'm affectionate) she brought up that I've kissed girls (platonic lip kisses, again i'm affectionate.) she said i'm flirty ? not just with guys ? and when she flirts with me i flirt back? later she falls asleep, and i'm awake the rest of the night.
    And so here's the thing, i don't mean to flirt, i don't know i'm doing it and but when i look at my motives, I get really confused. I flirt with a guy cuz i like him/something could happen. i flirt with a girl cuz she's cute and blushy and nothing will happen cuz i'm straight. But i have this horrible sinking feeling it's not so safe with my friend, the girl, making me not straight and her pretty much right as per. Cuz flirting with her makes me get blushy and my stomach do the butterfly thing. But like what? Whats going on? b/c i'm super confused: she's my friend, she's a girl and so why does this feel like a crush? I swear. i think i'm just affectionate/really like her. As a friend?! What defines the differences between liking someone or liking someone?
    Anyway sorry for writing a novel here, i usually don't look for advice on this stuff, i give it. Still i'm going slightly crazy so any help is appreciated (*hug*)
     
    #1 SoLongMarianne, May 25, 2015
    Last edited: May 25, 2015
  2. bi2me

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    I was just told by a friend that back a number of years ago (before I realized I was bi, but after I'd had an experience with a female friend) she suspected I was bi before she knew about the experiences because of the same type of behavior. (If that was confusing I wI'll try to explain better.)

    Anyway, that might mean nothing, but maybe you are open to the possibility. I was 16 when I had a fwb. We never dated each other, but we had a lot of fun sleepovers.
     
  3. silverhalo

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    The difference between liking as a friend and liking as more is a really tough one and probably the reason I didn't come out until I was in my mid 20's.
    I think perhaps the best way to figure it out is to let your mind wander and try not to have any preconceived ideas about where it will go.
    These are just some questions to perhaps consider.

    How would you feel if she got a boyfriend or girlfriend?

    So imagine one day you are both flirting and she goes to kiss you, how does that make you feel?

    If you imagine yourself kissing or going further with her or another girl, how does that make you feel.

    Just sitting and watching people going passed and seeing who catches your eye the girls or the guys.
     
  4. bi2me

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    Do straight girls have this issue too?
     
  5. Lyana

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    I was at a party this weekend, with a group of friends who've known each other for years, and they were very touchy-feely and flirty with each other. They're also very straight. They're just comfortable with each other.

    What I mean to say, SoLongMarianne, definitely don't think you're bi because someone tells you you look it. Your behavior doesn't determine your orientation, only your attractions do! There's no way to "act" gay apart from liking the same gender. So if you can imagine wanting to kiss a girl, to have a relationship with one; if you can get crushes on girls; if you're attracted to them, then yeah, maybe you aren't straight. If you're just capable of objectively recognizing they're pretty, that's not the same thing as attraction. Maybe, since you're confident in your attraction guys, try to compare what you feel for girls to that?

    As for the difference between liking someone and liking someone... Look within you. You've liked guys before, haven't you? And maybe you've just liked guys, too. What is that little extra thing, that like thing? It might be a fluttering in your belly, a physical pull; or it might be wanting them to notice you more, wanting to make them laugh, wanting to reach out and brush their hair out of their eyes.
     
  6. bigspeakers

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    Well if you're not sure, you should try to think about being with a girl or kissing your friend. (This is crazy but,..) You could even ask your friend can you kiss her for a try, do you feel anything. If you feel these crush-like feelings or even more stronger feelings, you might really like her.

    Hugs! :slight_smile:
     
  7. silverhalo

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    I don't think so, because if they are straight they don't like more than a friend.......I suppose in its simplest form if you like a girl more than a friend then you are not straight.
     
  8. SoLongMarianne

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    Thank for the replies everyone (*hug*)
    I've thought about kissing her, like some of you said and all i can think is that i'd obviously enjoy it, because she's pretty and awesome. But am i wrong in thinking that most girls straight included have kissed girls to try it, or have thought about it? Like i think girls are way more relaxed about this stuff. Or am i kidding myself?
     
  9. Lyana

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    I wouldn't say most, but some have. My ex-roommate, definitely straight, kissed a girl before I did. Same with my best friend -- she kissed a girl before ever kissing a guy. And she's straight. For them, it was either drunken party fun, or experimentation, or truth or dare. So it's definitely not actions that define your orientation, but your feelings and the reasons behind the way you act.

    Basically, if you kiss a girl because you really want to kiss her because you're super attracted to her, that's not very straight.
     
  10. anon991

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    It could just mean that you've got a fluid sexuality. I know many people who would consider themselves straight but feel sexually attracted to a few people of the same sex. I, meanwhile, originally thought that I was straight until I started feeling something for a couple of boys I knew; after a while, I realised that I am attracted to people of my own gender too. If u like someone then you'll probably realise that you do without having to think too much about it. And if you do feel that you are perhaps attracted to girls, don't try to hide it for yourself, it's a lot easier to accept it I think!
     
  11. silverhalo

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    So I think maybe we need to look at it from another angle for a while.
    Let's say for a second being gay didn't have any draw backs and wasn't stressful how would you feel then?
    I think you should for a while at least try and stop fighting it and embrace it, I mean if you are right as you think at the moment then embracing it will prove that to you, and if you are not then fine that isn't what you are hoping for but you can deal with it if that happens and I promise you it's not as bad as you think.
     
  12. myexperiences

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    Dooo itt! :thumbsup: You just might be one of the lucky ones. I love being a man, and bi, but damn, i wouldnt object to being a woman and liking both :eusa_danc

    But on the real real, idk what to say. Im sure youll figure it out...(*hug*)
     
  13. SoLongMarianne

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    Hmm, i think i'm over thinking this but :
    I mean, i'm obviously attracted to her personality because i'm her friend? And she's gorgeous like i said. So i could see myself kissing her yeah, but is that really not straight ? I just think i'm maybe thinking into this too much. I went through phases of questioning my sexuality ever since i was a little kid, ever since i learnt that people weren't just straight. I'd get really worried and confused and freak out for like two weeks and then just think 'no, you're fine, you're straight, this is stupid.'And not question it again for months. Any idea on what this means? Also are dreams anything to go by?

    Thanks everyone for replying, i appreciated it (&&&)
     
  14. woahthatsboring

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    Oh yeah, I went through that too, well none of my friends have ever told me that I seemed "gay", I actually seemed like the "straightest" to them, ironic right?! Anyways, I can relate to being flirty with girls. I thought it was a fun, casual thing and it didn't really matter because my heart lied with guys. Then, I understood that well, I have a really really easy time flirting with girls, like it's almost my second nature. And one of my friends actually commented on it and told me how flirty this one girl and I was behaving and I never noticed until she said that. Anyways, I found out that not only did flirting with girls come easy but I liked it. In conclusion, that's how I found out I was bisexual.

    To your above questions, dreams can subconsciously bring out your desires, so perhaps its a sign. But don't rely too much on it. And if you can imagine kissing your friend then that explains more than platonic feelings. But like someone above said, just because your friend thinks you're gay doesn't mean you are. Heck, you can be and there's nothing wrong with that but your friend can't tell for you, you ultimately know yourself in time and your behaviors are a big key however so I object to the person that said that isn't true. Sure, you can't "act" gay but there are signs. I think you really should just take your time, you seem stress.
     
  15. europeanguy

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    it sounds alot like Bi to me (but its only that if you identify to that) i mean one of the signs is flirting unintentionally with the gender you are attracted to, since you seem to do that with both that would heavily suggest Bi. before i came out to my best friend he always thought i was Bi. he told me this when i told him about the whole gay thing but apparently one of the signs is that i made constant male inuendos and female innuendos however the female ones were just a "oh god ive made too many male ones...better do a female one" haha although i think it was obvious restraining myself in flirting with other guys....hard to do that sometimes. but yes point is its all in the accidental flirting
     
  16. Curious94

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    Can we get an update on this??