Okay, so I'm 17 years old, and I have liked girls all my life, I had a number of girlfriends before and I have been happy with them, in conclusion, I've been straight all my life. It all started about 3-4 months ago, when me and my best friend (who I'm in love with) went to a party. We all got a bit (very) drunk, and we started playing truth or dare, and someone dared me and my best friend to kiss for 15 seconds. We both complained loudly for a moment, but after that, we did kiss. He used his tounge, and I used mine. I did like it, something happened and I wanted to keep kissing him, and it seems like he wanted it too, because we kissed for 30-40 seconds instead of 15. I thought of that moment after that, because I was confused; a guy had never made me feel like that before, but I ignored it, excused it with the fact that I was very drunk atm, even though I wanted to do it again really bad (still do), but the bottom line is, I moved on. However, after that, I noticed how gorgeous he really was, I noticed sexual things, things that I've only noticed about girls before. I'm pretty sure he's straight, but he does like to do certain things, we cuddle a lot, he calls me babe and love sometimes (but I'm pretty sure that's just him fooling around), and he has even called me cute once. He comments on how fit guys are, he comments on how good I smell, which seems pretty "gay" to me, but w/e. I absolutely adore these moments, but I know that they won't do me any good, because he has outright told me that he is straight, and even if he is gay or bi or whatever, he's not ready to come out yet. I have never felt like this for anyone before, not a girl, not a boy, not anyone. I'm absolutely crazy about him, he is adorable, he is so hot, he is charming, he is sweet... The thing is, it's just him. I have tried watching gay porn, but that doesn't make me feel anything, I have tried looking at other "attractive" guys, but I don't want to be with them like that, so I'm definitely not gay, even though I want to make him mine... does this make me bi-curious? Is this weird? Is this just a phase, or something?
It's not weird at all, but I can see how this is totally confusing for you. If you don't find yourself thinking about other guys, you're probably not gay, as you've said. It's possible you're bi. It's possible you're straight but enjoyed that experience and want it again--plenty of straight guys have had friends who are jack-off buddies or whatnot. It's also possible that you're "(name of friend)-sexual"--where you like girls but would make an exception for him. I can't speak from experience at all on this since I'm most definitely not straight. I can direct you to a couple threads of people who have been in situations similar to yours: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...-ruined-things-forever-my-life-such-mess.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/96608-i-asked-my-roommate-if-hes-gay.html Hope this helps man!
Hey Luke96, welcome to EC! Believe it or not, you are not unique. We have had a few straight guys who have simply fallen in love with one guy. Does this mean you're gay? Hard to tell, it could be a matter of definitions but the straightforward answer, so to speak, is that labels are for soup cans, and that sexuality is far more complicated than the labels suggest. If you have a few hours, check out this epic thread from "rarareva": http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/96608-i-asked-my-roommate-if-hes-gay.html This is not to say, by the way, that you and your best friend will definitely become lovers. It takes two to tango and Rarareva's case is really rare. There are many threads here on the theme of falling in love with one's best friend. Read them if you can, but the general consensus is that if he is not willing, you have to let go. Post often, and let us know how it goes!
This would have been acceptable and normal in Athens of Plato's day. Socrates (in Plato's dialogs) reports being infatuated with several beautiful men. In Sparta, before going to battle, warriors would become lovers the more passionately to fight and defend one another. They were not 'gay' or 'homosexual' as we use those terms now. Sex and gender are way fluid and varied--all perfectly 'normal' except by the warped notions of our sick patriarchal culture. When I was your age I was in love with my best friend, a friend from childhood, but didn't understand what it was, deflecting my sexual desires to women. It wasn't until I was an old man, at news of his death, that it came back to me in a flood--and rewrote the whole story of my life till then. Romantic infatuation is especially confusing, powerful enough to direct desire where it otherwise might not turn. It's a gift if you accept it that way--that you are able to feel and understand feelings of love and appreciation of the male beauty--even if you sexual life will always be with women.
Ok first off, OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE!!! Ok now moving on. Well I think the best advice I can give you is that sexuality is weird and just let stuff happen. You don't have to force yourself to be anything you don't want to. Do what just feels natural but never label yourself. You can't choose who you fall for right? Maybe I'll fall for a girl one day. (fat chance but HEY!) I think that if you really are troubled by it just confront him. If his your friend he will be able to understand. Best case scenario or at least what I think is. You get to try dating and or stuff and learn more about your feelings. Worst case well, lets not go there.
hey I'm here to tell you that what your feeling is COMPLETELY NORMAL. judging from the stuff you said, changes are your demisexual. only on the gay side though. (i know sexuality can be confusing). demisexual means you have to get too know somebody until you can be sexualy attracted to them. there are a lot of forms of this. it can be one sided, or both. Basicly this means that you won't be able to get attracted to just ANY guy. You'd have to have some sorted friendship/relationship first. Not a lot of people know about this, but don't worry. It's normal. Urban Dictionary: demisexual
Well its been two years since you posted this but perhaps you still are here and reading this stuff, I hope you and that kid are still on good terms and that he has finally chosen to come out! Anyways I am 20 years old and in college and I just met this guy who I pretty much immediately liked from the start. He looks very similar to me and we get along very well. I have known him for 4 months now and so far im convinced he is pretty straight but there are little things that tell me that he might be curious as well...He sometimes texts me sexual innuedos like "Im ready for you winky face and im open to swing onto you!" I think for a straight guy this behavior is kinda weird, and he looks at me and talks to me it feels different to how he treats other guys... but one time he was talking about persuing girls and stuff and I jokingly said you should just pursue me! and to that he said with a laugh "Im sorry but I could never be gay" Im confused but I feel if I got the chance to kiss him as you did with that guy things would change just like your situation! I truly believe at this point he could swing for me with time. What do you think I should do??
Hi Luke, your situations seems way too familiar. i feel like a lot of people go through this and i can see how confusing it can be and ive came to just one conclusion, we are all attracted to CONNECTIONS, i think that it is easy to be into someone that you feel a strong connection to. you have mentioned watching porn and it just not doing it for you, well thats no surprise since there is no connection to anyone there. but i feel like we can be attracted to anyone that we feel a strong connection to but the real test comes in when things go beyond that, lets say your friend was to try to go ALL the way with you, past kissing, how do you think your BODY would react to that? would it catch up with your emotions or freeze up and reject it?
This reminds me of the first real girl experience I had. We were close like that and despite having many uncomfortable male relationships, this one felt so different and so special. When it happened to me I thought that it had to be a fluke, until it happened again and again and again. It's completely possible that you can like guys too.
This happened to me, but I was 8 or 9 at the time. incidentally, that was the time i found out what I truly was lol. Good luck, love is a great thing, no matter what gender you're into
