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I'm a bit worried

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by pikachu1, Mar 13, 2009.

  1. pikachu1

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    I came out recently to my best friend. He is fine with me being gay and it hasn't changed our relationship at all. The thing is my mom saw me typing an email to him where I told him I was happy he accepted me for being the way I am. She said that I was being weird by "pretending to like boys just to mess with people online" and that she feels me hanging out with him is making me strange. Also that she thinks I shouldn't see him anymore because he's a bad influence. Also she seems to be getting colder towards me because she no longer really talks to me anymore and keeps pressuring me to get a girlfriend and have kids to settle down with saying it's what everyone is supposed to do and that anyone who doesn't do that is very strange and will never amount to anything. She says me not having a girlfriend is the reason why I am currently unemployed even though I got laid off due to budget cuts, like so many others. I'm a bit worried about all this. What should I do?
     
    #1 pikachu1, Mar 13, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2009
  2. Wander

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    What should you do? Be your own self and stop making burnt offerings to your mother. Unless she still pays the bills, in which case, move out.

    Hell, I don't know. I'm not very good with these things, but really, you're old enough now to tell her to back off if you need to.
     
  3. The Enigma

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    You're 20 years old. Tell her to back her gravy train up, you're an adult. :wink:
     
  4. pikachu1

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    God how I wish I could be as confident as you are. Also, sadly, my mom does pay all the bills. I am currently without a job so I have no way to move out. I have 2 sisters but they are living with their boyfriends so obviously that's out of the question. Also, should I come out to my sisters and see if they support my decision or wait and try something else? I'm so confused. Sorry if I sound like a little pansy or anything.
     
  5. The Enigma

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    Its okay. It happens. And thats entirely up to your disgression.. :wink: Dont feel you have to though.
     
  6. Jack2009

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    It has nothing to do with being a pansy, but you lack a lot of confidence. You're an adult now and your going to lose your youth if you don't live your life. You only get one chance at this life might as well live it to the fullest. I would be moving and getting any job I can get. I am going to enjoy my 18-30 years . I'm 17 till the very end of the year but after graduation I'm gone like the wind.
     
  7. olides84

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    There are many different paths in life. She is just only aware of the traditional one. Have you talked with her, seriously, about being gay? That you aren't messing with people online, that it isn't your choice, that your best friend is straight and not influencing you to "be gay." It sounds like she has a lot of learning to do, and you do need to be more forceful in dealing with her ignorance.

    And yes, if you think your sisters would be accepting, they could be great allies in dealing with your mom.
     
  8. Eleanor Rigby

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    I don't know the kind of relationship you've got with your mother, but maybe she does not realised that she makes you feel bad and sad. Have you tried to talk to her seriously about the fact that you are gay and it is not gonna change and about the fact that her behaviour makes you sad ? Maybe she feels you are in distress but don't know how to help...
    Take care, Eleanor
     
  9. Vampyrecat

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    Hey.

    Wow - first post in a while - I'll do my best.

    Your mum sounds like she's probably in the denial stage of accepting your homosexuality. This is her problem and it is *not* your fault in the least. Have you tried giving her some information on homosexuality? There are loads of PFLAG brochures you can download to print off which are really useful for this - they're non threatening and educational.

    Also - have you tried talking to your mum about how the way she continually does this makes you feel bad? I'm sure she's probably hurting too - I guess that finding out you're gay would cause her grief - she might be imagining she's lost the grandkids or that she'll never be at your wedding etc etc, but either way you still need to talk. Communication is key to any relationship, be it friendship, family or intimate.
    If none of this works maybe it's time to move out.

    Finally, have a hug (*hug*)
     
  10. beckyg

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    I agree with Tess. Your mom is in denial even though you haven't come out yet, she's highly suspicious! You probably need to just come out and give her the education she needs to get over these fears of hers.

    You can download PFLAG brochures here:

    http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594&srcid=416
     
  11. Lexington

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    >>>She says me not having a girlfriend is the reason why I am currently unemployed

    Yeah, that's the economy in the nutshell. Not enough guys having girlfriends. The first question all employers ask, too - "You ARE dating a girl now, right?" :slight_smile:

    I'm a bit confused. You HAVE told your mother you're gay, right? Or does she think you're just pretending for some odd reason?

    Lex
     
  12. pikachu1

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    Lexington, I haven't told my mother I'm gay. No one except a few friends and one cousin know I'm gay. She thinks that I was pretending to say I was gay in an email just to mess with someone and that it is weird behavior that i need to stop doing because it's not funny. She thinks I'm straight and keeps waiting for me to get a girlfriend so I can "be like everyone else and have children and settle down."
     
  13. Lexington

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    Well, now that you're 21, and presumably gonna be heading out on your own soon, perhaps it's time to let her know that she's mistaken...?

    Lex