I feel mentally good but.It feels like 8 months before where i got xanax from my specialist for my panic attacks.Last week i was happy for my friend because he found a new job and i hug him.He kissed me on my cheek(its a oriental think and suddenly i asked myself am i like it or i was in a massage therapy.It felt good but i was at the same time afraid that i like it really because the masseur was a guy.I know its Bullshit but i found out that many thinks are really no sense feelings.Today i can say this is guy is good looking.My Flashbacks to old times dont interest me.I cant explain why this feelings let me feel that iam attracted.Nervousity or feelings on my stomach or groinal movements without that feeling oh yeah i want sex with this guy.I wanted to be bi or gay but i know i cant.I tryed a lots of to get an orgasm or any sexual stimulations.I thought its a symptome for repression that iam not fully aroused or dont get an orgasm.I searched on the internet.Maybe iam gay and i got an erectile dysfunction because i was terrified about that.Sometimes i had an fear that iam crushed to somebody for 3 days.I tryed to find out the right key.Am i terrified because my family,culture or another reasons?I dont know.I tryed to imagine a boy and switched to a girl.I tryed to imagine suck a dick.All of this techniques were useless but my really questions is why ?why iam did this.Its full of hate because i lose a lots of time.Iam really shocked because its completly useless stuff. BTW: i dont want paralyse another people here there are questioning there sexuality.
