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I’m new and thinking about coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tucker28, Dec 1, 2021.

  1. Tucker28

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    Hey my name is Tucker. I’m a lesbian and have only came out to some close friends but I’ve started thinking about coming out to my mom and dad, ant tips and/or ways how?
     
  2. Jakebusman

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    You think they will accept ?
     
  3. Obliteratrix47

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    I think it is best to answer these questions: are they open-minded and caring? Do they fully support the LGBT community?
     
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  4. Dev226

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    To go along with what Obliteratrix said, maybe looking at their mannerisms or reactions to certain things. Which way do they typically lean politically? How do they usually react to surprising or bad news?
    Also, seek support from those friends you have come out to. Maybe one of them is LGBT and has come out to their parent(s) and can offer you some advice?
     
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  5. BiGemini87

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    Hello Tucker, and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    The others have brought up some good points already: first, it's important to ensure that if/when you come out, you're safe to do so. How are your parents about LGBT people and issues? Have they expressed any opinions, positive or negative, that you can recall? Do you have a good relationship with them, or is it strained? It's important to be ready for any and all questions, concerns, etc. that they might express, if/when you're ready to come out. It's also important to make sure you have a safety net in case things don't go quite as well as expected (such as, if there's a risk of you being kicked out, make sure you have somewhere safe to go--like a friend's or a supportive relation's place. You also want to be sure that abuse isn't a risk, either).

    If your parents are supportive of LGBT (or at least, they haven't spoken ill against LGBT people--particularly those who share in your sexual orientation), then there are many different ways you can come out to them. You can either choose to discuss it with them one-on-one, or you could sit them both down together. You could write them a well-thought out letter that speaks from the heart and allows them to process things before entering into a dialogue, or you can find interesting/inventive ways to come out if you think they'd react positively.

    As long as you're approaching them with openness and honesty--and as long as you're safe--then the sky's the limit on ways you can come out to them.

    I hope this helps a little. If you like, check through some other Coming Out Advice threads, as well as those in the other Coming Out sub-forums. It might help give you some other ideas that haven't been mentioned here. :slight_smile:
     
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  6. PatrickUK

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    The advice you have already received is good, so I won't duplicate it.

    It might be a good idea to check out the PFLAG website and maybe see if there is a local chapter where your parents and family can go for support and information.

    If/when you come out, timing is important. It's a good idea to pick a moment when your parents have some free time to really process your news and their own thoughts and feelings about it. So if your parents don't work weekends a Friday evening might be good (I chose a Friday evening to tell my own parents). Don't tell them just as they are heading out of the house and don't share your news at a significant family time like Christmas when they might not appreciate it.
     
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  7. quebec

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    Hello and a very big LGBTQ+ welcome to Empty Closets! Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important factors in deciding when to come out are:

    *****Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you.

    *****Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important.

    *****Being out in middle school/high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can still be a problem. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out.

    *****You might want to consider using a letter/email WHEN the time comes to tell your parents/friends. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter/email, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! Again a big plus to a letter/email is that you don't have to be present when it is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can easily go bad. It gives the people reading it some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality...giving them some time to think about it too only seems fair! Also you can use the letter/email as a "script" if you choose to come out in person and that would be a very big help!! Check the letters out (see below)...they could be a real help!

    *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your parents and/or friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're gay?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more mature, serious person.

    *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php

    *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  8. Alex or Mary

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    Hi! Same, I really wanna tell them but idk how, I only came out to my friends and in my family no one knows! I’m not that scare to say to them because my brother is gay and he came out and our family always support him, but I just don’t know how to come out… If u have any advice pls tell me… byeee
    -Alex
     
  9. Parker22

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    Just a tip on seeing if your family is okay with LGBTQ that I used many times with friends to see if they were okay to take about it with. Bring up a conversation with a LGBTQ topic as the center, like "did you see that (insert name here) is gay/lesbian etc?" Or, watch a documentary or show with LGBTQ characters (I used queer eye on Netflix for this one!) And your can casually bring up conversation about it. Like others have said and in my own personal experience, if you know your parents won't accept, it's probably a better idea to keep it from them until you are individually stable (ie. Moved out, have financial stability, people who support you etc).
    Good luck and I wish you the best!
     
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  10. Tildi

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    Hey! I think everybody has already brought up great points. If you don’t know your parents stance on being lesbian maybe tell them that your friend is gay or smth to see their reaction. You don’t have to do this huge announcement, if your parents are chill just tell them and be honest about how you feel. Stand up for yourself if they ask weird questions and make you feel uncomfortable.
    Hope inte goes well!
     
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