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How to handle people very close to you being incredulous to your sexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sol4r, Jul 14, 2012.

  1. sol4r

    sol4r Guest

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Recently I learned that my cousin and best friend of many years is totally convinced that I'm straight and thinks I'll "grow out of" being a lesbian, which I find really really hurtful considering being gay is one of the things that I've had a lot of trouble accepting in myself over the years and tried to hide and deny constantly, causing lots of self esteem issues. Now that I'm finally coming to terms with it and allowing myself to accept and even like who I am, she of all people has to go and tell me I'm faking it for attention essentially. I just don't know how to deal with the situation; I value our relationship a lot and don't want to make any unnecessary conflict with her, but I really am hurt and troubled over her response. I mean I know lots of people have it way worse than I do in this department, but I thought she knew me better than most people and as it turns out she thinks she knows me better than I know myself and I just... help, guys?
     
  2. Gravity

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Well, beyond her initial reaction, what's been her take on it? Have you talked to her any more after that, to explain that you're sure it's not just a phase? Also, are you out to anyone else in the family (or mutual friends, if you and your cousin have any)?
     
  3. Ianthe

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    Ultimately, this is a problem that will go away on its own, as she observes that you keep being gay.

    In the meantime, however, you can just tell her what you told us: that your relationship with her means a lot to you, and it really hurts your feelings that she thinks you are just making this up. Being out is about being honest, after all.

    If you just came out to her recently, though, just give her some time. It's usual for the people close to us to go through a little bit of a process before coming to full acceptance.
     
  4. Gleeko0

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    Similar happens to me and some friends, some of them doubt I'm not straight as I guess they expect me to be effeminate or something (I really don't know what goes up in their heads exactly), my reaction is always ignoring, because... what I can do about it XD? I don't think its a reason to create any internal conflicts with yourself, or conflicts with your friends UNLESS it gets disrespectful. All I do is act like "meh" when my straight buddies (guys) talk about girls and ask me stuff, or show me playboy magazines... I'm like "yeah thats nice..." but naturally I don't show much interest. What matters is that jokes aside and doubts that I am really NOT straight, they are all nice to me and don't care when I mention guys or talk about them with female friends.

    I think its normal, don't let this thing hurt your relationship with your friends, its not worth it. After all, most things are not circled by sexuality.