So I'm going to see a therapist soon, and maybe it will turn out that I'm just a deeply confused person, but as of now I'm more certain than ever of who I am, and it's not a man. I would like to start hrt soon, I'm 20 going on 21 but men can keep growing until they're like 25, and if I could avoid 4 more years of that I will, and I would like to be able to live my authentic self while I'm still young, but theres a problem of course... I still live with my parents, I have a job but it doesn't make much, have a bit of savings but I'm not exactly rolling in it, partially due to financially irresponsibly when younger. I could probably afford to start hrt and see a therapist but I don't think I could do all that and pay for food and housing, not yet at least, and my parents are very religious, anti lgbt, etc, they weren't too happy with me being an Atheist, not sure if this will push them over the edge, does anyone have any suggestions for how I should approach them?
I would suggest feeling them out first. Try to find a way of bringing up the subject about others, like celebrities in the news (I do not follow the news so I do not know if any transitioned persons are currently being mentioned or are in popular media). You can test their reactions this way, with mine it was pretty obvious that I would be kicked out if I came out. I waited until I had a job and place of my own and I was right I was thrown out when I went back to tell them who I was (I was 23). One thing that I did while starting is live a double life. It is possible to take the hormones for a while and not have others notice it. Especially if they are the type to not want to see such things. Living a double life though is really difficult.
I'm sorry that happened to you, hope everything is going well for you now. I don't have many friends irl, I do have one though that might let me stay at their place or help me out but I don't know, He's also religious and may ditch me if I came out, but I don't know, I want to be myself but I don't want to be more lonely than I already am... I've considered moving to another state or another country entirely and just starting a new life but the time and money required is just overwhelming. I do know in the past I had a cousin, and for a while she was dating a trans guy in florida I think, but when her parents found out "my aunt and uncle" They lost it, and basically bullied her into dumping him, and my parents told me about it and I remember my moms words: "That deceitful WOMAN" And I remember feeling so bad for not only my cousin, the guy, but also myself, although at this time I don't think I was even out to myself yet. I could of course start hormones before coming out, but after some point that wouldn't be very practical, and I'm under their insurance, so they would see the bill unless I paid out of pocket, it would be so much easier to not have to worry about this but everytime I suppress these feelings they just come back stronger later, it may just be a matter of doing it and crossing my fingers, perhaps they'll be willing to overcome their bigotry for the sake of their own kid, but I don't know if I believe they will.
It does work for some people. However, my mother died having never gendered me correctly. She did get to where she would use my actual name but I am pretty sure that was because she realized that I would not talk to her otherwise and would simply return anything mailed to me in my dead name marked "no such person at this address". From your descriptions your family's attitudes seem close to my family's. Because your risk is so high I would recommend that you work very diligently at becoming independent and then transitioning. However difficult it may seem to be living in the closet currently I can assure you that transitioning while homeless is even worse (or really just being homeless at all).
I definitely want to avoid becoming homeless, push comes to shove I could move into one of the local rundown apartment complexes, but working minimum wage doesn't grant me many luxuries, and I'm currently paying off my lasik surgery bill, so about half of my income is already forfeit, idk, I'll be working hard to save money and probably get a better job.
Xey.....Your personal safety and health are of first importance. I know how difficult it is to continue to hide your sexuality, but until you are able to be independent, it may be necessary. In the meantime consider finding any local LGBTQ+ support groups that might be able to help you. Try to make friends that can encourage you during this time when you are still living at home. Sorry to sound negative, but as long as you are dependent on your parents it's going to be difficult for you to do anything that they disapprove of. You've made a good first step by becoming a part of Empty Closets! Please keep us updated on how this works out for you. .....David
