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How do you ease dysphoria when you're in the closet?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TinyWerewolf, Jan 12, 2022.

  1. TinyWerewolf

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    Oh my bad I'm responding from work, that's what I meant by "here" in that post. I don't think anyone would want me to teach because I'm not great at sight reading (and I'm trans- so many misconceptions about trans people here). My girlfriend has told me I'd be a great teacher, I don't see it but that's what she thinks. I guess I could give it a try?
     
  2. quebec

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    TinyWerewolf.....It's something to think about. Right now however, the main thing for you is to get out of that house. Get back to college. Become the real you and then work on finding what will work for you to study. Concentrate on that...probably in that order and I think you'll be a lot happier!!! :old_big_grin:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  3. Mihael

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    How much do you have left until you graduate? Do you study online now?
     
  4. TinyWerewolf

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    I'm currently not in college, but I pretty much have two years done. I have an associates of arts thanks to being the guinea pig of a program where you can be an actual college student in high school and get credit in both places. I was a very busy man my junior and senior year of high school. I was forced home by my parents after my first semester at a four year university.

    I hope so, I'm working on getting out of here. I really want to go on T too, but I don't know where that fits into the plan yet.
     
  5. Mihael

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    Don't your parents want you to have a Bachelor's degree? Why would they make you not go to college if you were a good student? Maybe a student loan isn't such a terrible idea?
     
  6. TinyWerewolf

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    They don't like how most were accepting of me and I was called my chosen name and pronouns 90% of the time. Also after I'd outed myself I started falling apart and had a bad semester.

    I do know I don't want student debt hanging over me for the rest of my life and I don't know how student loans work exactly.
     
    #46 TinyWerewolf, Jan 18, 2022
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2022
  7. TinyWerewolf

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    They've offered to help pay again when I've mentioned getting a better degree. I'm wary of that though because I don't want to give them more leverage over me. Also my original plan was to wait until I'd graduated to come out (my best friend's advice), but once I'd outed myself on accident they accused me of using them for money. I don't want a dime of their money, I would've paid for it myself if I could afford it.
     
  8. Mihael

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    Oh come on... parents not wanting their child to graduate college? This... isn't normal.

    Excuse me...?
    Definitely not how parenting works.

    And... if you earned an associate's in high school already, you're a good student, so... it's not that you're wasting your time on a degree.

    Studnet loans aren't a perfect solution, however, they're very spread in time to pay back.

    Or idk... maybe talk a lot to your parents about the better degree. And in all seriousness, if you have the possibility, it's better to switch degrees now than in 5 years from now on... been there, done that. It's worth it.
     
  9. TinyWerewolf

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    They are fine with me graduating college, just not being supported as a bi/trans guy in the meantime. They hate people like me. I used to think they'd hate me once they knew and that's why I didn't want to tell them until I had graduated. I was scared they'd kick me out. Then after they found out about me that's when they accused me of using them for money. I don't know what I want to study anymore even, now is the time to switch like you said.
     
  10. chicodeoro

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    That sounds awful. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, TinyWerewolf.
     
  11. TinyWerewolf

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    It's ok, and one day I'll be able to leave- and then maybe I'll be able to do something good. :slight_smile: I think talking about it helped me bring my optimism back somewhat. I've got to stop bottling it up, that never ends well.
     
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  12. Y2B

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    You will not spend your life like this - locked with your parents and away from your friends. As you can see there is many options. You will take one of them when you'll be ready. I would love to see someone with legal power have a serious talk with your parents. That would be a dream come true.
     
    #52 Y2B, Jan 18, 2022
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2022
  13. TinyWerewolf

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    Technically they did something illegal by forcing me home- but since I allowed it to happen because I didn't want to call security I doubt it would hold up in court. I don't want their money or them to go to prison or something anyway. One day I'll be able to leave but still working on my plan.
     
    #53 TinyWerewolf, Jan 18, 2022
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  14. DragonChaser

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    I'm glad to see you opening up and I'm more glad it's helping you! :smile_cat:

    We're all rooting for you, honey! And don't you dare give up on your music!

    Even if you're not doing it for anybody else, do it for yourself. You'll find your voice. I did, when it came to my writing. You just need to cut your teeth a bit. Trust me, confidence changes everything.
     
  15. TinyWerewolf

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    You'd think as long as I've been doing this I wouldn't be so critical of myself or afraid anymore. I've been singing since I was three- my mom and sister were so shocked and rewound the cd and asked me to sing it again so many times that I got annoyed lol. I started guitar lessons at nine. Then I made my public debut at eleven in a school talent show, I had the whole school clapping along (and put my main bully in their place for once). I continued doing things here and there and became a cantor in my church's choir eventually. I studied under a professor who hand picks her private students and I got one of three spots. I sang at our Senior Night and got a huge round of applause. I went on to sing in my (former) college's opera program in my first semester before everything else. I'd come out on campus a few weeks before the performance (after being outed at home) and my professor/private teacher let me change my name in the program (she actually asked if I wanted to and did it, unlike whoever did our Christmas Choir ones). My problem is I sound exactly like a seventeen year old girl, Olivia Rodrigo to be specific, and that kills my soul. If I sounded like the tenors in pop music it wouldn't be so bad- but I can't. I don't know how to write good songs anyway, hence why I only like two of them. I Just don't know what to write about either.
     
  16. chicodeoro

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    I'd say you've got plenty of potential material to mine!

    When I was 19 I was a singer in a band. I didn't have a clue about what to write about because nothing had really happened to me at the point. That's not something you can say in your case. Write about your dysphoria, your controlling parents, the struggles that you're going through - there's so much!

    Beth x
     
    #56 chicodeoro, Jan 19, 2022
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2022
  17. TinyWerewolf

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    I'll have to be really subtle (especially if it's about dysphoria)- I have a plan to stay anonymous if I ever perform my songs. I want to go stealth for a while once I pass.
     
    #57 TinyWerewolf, Jan 19, 2022
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  18. Mihael

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    What kind of degree would you consider if you wanted to pursue a different one? I mean, if you want to talk about it.

    I kind of chose a degree that I was good at but I wasn't convinced to it. If you like doing music and your passion is still there, I would say go for it. My previous degree definitely didn't feel right to me, it was too theoretical and it turns out that at university level, this subject wasn't rewarding for me. It didn't fit my personality at all. So... just sharing my reasoning behind changing the degree. You need to have the mental fuel to continue the subject for about 5 years and then pursue a related career, it has to sit right with you.
     
  19. TinyWerewolf

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    Music is my dream, but I want to be able to afford T and top surgery at least. All the high paying jobs involve math or chemistry- which I suck at and have to study constantly to pass the subjects. I could try teaching like my girlfriend and David said maybe. I don't think I'd make a good lawyer or doctor and those degrees are an eight year investment minimum.

    My dream school was Berkley in Boston, they have a program that's specifically for songwriting and it's supposed to be excellent. The problem was it's essentially an ivy league for music like Juliard or Boston Conservatory- 5% acceptance rate, expensive, unlikely to hand out scholarships (and I can barely read music so I doubt they would've given me one). I never even applied because I was told it would be a waste of my money and time. I got into Belmont in Nashville though and ended up turning them down. It's easier to get into though, but the music department was great.
     
  20. chicodeoro

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    You'd be surprised how consistently things go over the head of punters. John Lennon wrote Help! in 1965 and at the time no-one had a clue how unhappy he felt until many years later.