Hello!!! So, I know my family is generally supportive of the LGBT community. We HAVE gone to a local pride parade just last year, they don't force me to take down my rainbow flag and I'm about 70% sure my uncle is out as gay. However, there have been red flags that made me believe they don't believe it to heart, and are just going along because it's easier. The red flags have been forcing femininity on me very intensely at one point, common use of stereotypes, refusal to even consider being in the wrong when I say something they say is offensive and just general heteronormativity. I am out to my dad as bi, but I'm pretty sure he genuinely forgot. I think they won't have any bigger issue with me being bi, I expect some uncomfortable jokes but not much past that. What I think there might be a problem with, is me being trans. (My relation with gender is complicated, but I think if I come out I'm going to just say I'm a trans man for the simplicity of it, as I go by He/Him and am transmasculine. Just wanted to add as I'm going to refer to myself as one in here, because that's what they would see me as.) They have never met a trans person, but never said anything rude about trans people as an idea. If one of my friends came out and I told them they'd brush it off, maybe not misgender them if they feel nice. But me, as their kid will be a completely different story. They have a lot of expectations for me to be their "little daughter" they can baby forever, being a trans man will shatter that completely, and I don't know how they will react. But I really do not care at this point. All I know is they don't hate trans people so much they would kick me out or disown me. So I want to come out, as soon as possible. I want to be referred to as trans, I want to be their son, I want to be a brother. But I'm also very VERY anxious, all of the time. I know I'm ready mentally, It's just physically difficult to say the words. So, how do I get the courage to just get it over with?
Hun it may take some time and someone to help guide you through this but I know that it's a good decision to tell them. I don't want you to be living a life ur not comfortable with. ~Lev
How about writing them a letter or sending an email about it? I know how hard it is. This is something I struggle with as well. When I came out to my best friend, then I sent them an email and just closed my eyes and clicked the send button. I was ready for her never speaking to me again, but it went better, than I expected. I also reccomend having a plan b, if it should go differently than you expect. It's always good to have savings and someone who could support you on your journey.
It's absolutely really difficult, even in the best of cases. I came out as Bi to my wife first. I didn't really plan it, it just sort of happened so I never had the chance to be too scared about it. Cut to a few years later and I have become more comfortable with this and wanted to start being out. The first people I chose were some close friends of ours. These were probably the safest possible people to come out to, just generally about as cool and accepting as it's possible to be and very LGBTQIA friendly. And it was still terrifying. So being scared to put this out there, even in the best of cases can be scary. Writing a letter, like Rayland said, can be a good option for a lot of reasons. Also, it sounds as though you're out to others also... Don't overlook them as a support system.
Hi Kiromane, you don't mention how old you are, which I think is quite crucial here. How independent are you? Do you earn your own money? Are you studying? Do you have a life outside of your family? Basically, the more independent you already are, the easier it will be. If it's something you feel you absolutely have to do, then Rayland is right - a letter might be a good idea. It provides time for you to articulate how you want to break the news, and for them to respond to that. Good luck! Beth
Kiromane.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! Some important factors in deciding when to come out are: *****Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you. *****Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. You are 14 years old...there is a long time until you are an adult. Even though waiting might be really difficult, living in a house where there is constant conflict because you came out and your parents did not accept it could easily be much worse. You have to make that decision and in many cases waiting for a while until you will be taken more seriously is a much better choice. I'm not saying that you have to wait, I just think that you should give it serious consideration. A lot depends on how you think your parents will handle your revelation. *****There is an organization called the Trevor Project, you may want to get in touch with them. They specialize in working with pre-teens and teens. They have a lot of experience in working with situations like yours. Their phone number is 1-866-488-7386. You can reach them on the internet by typing thetrevorproject.org. They can be contacted 24 hours a day. Depending where you live there may also be a local LGBT Support organization. Just search for them on Google and ask if they have contact/support groups for teenagers. *****Being out in middle school/high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can still be a problem. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out. *****You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your parents. A big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can easily go bad. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality, perhaps for years…giving them at least some time to think about it too only seems fair! There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can then use the letter as a "script" for when you do come out face-to-face. Check out the letters (see below)...they could be a real help! *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your parents and/or friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're trans?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or six probable questions with the answers already planned, you will likely be perceived as a more mature, serious person. *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you! .....David
