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How do I feel comfortable in my home when I came out as trans (FTM) to my transphobic parents?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Exilya, Feb 20, 2021.

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  1. Exilya

    Exilya
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2021
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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Recently I came out as trans to my parents, and while my dad was fine with it, my mom is very against it. We argue every day about my gender identity and it's tearing my family apart. How am I supposed to feel comfortable and safe in my home again?
     
    #1 Exilya, Feb 20, 2021
  2. QuietPeace

    QuietPeace
    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I am sorry that you have experienced this. I do understand how you feel over this, neither of my parents accepted me, even after decades. I waited until after I moved out to come out to them because I did not want to go through what you are right now (actually I would have been thrown out so I waited to avoid homelessness as a teen).

    It seems to me that your choices right now are to back off and not talk to your mother about this for now or to find a way to move out. I do understand that going back into the closet is not fun, I have had to do it more than once (even to the point of accepting conversion "therapy"). If you accept that it is only for a couple of years and as soon as you are an adult and can move out then you can live as your true self. As far as moving out, do you have any other family members or close friends who might be accepting of who you really are and who might let you move in with them? If you do would your parents accept that?
     
    #2 QuietPeace, Feb 20, 2021
    LostInDaydreams likes this.
  3. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi @Exilya and welcome to EC,

    I’m really sorry that your in this situation and that your mum is not being supportive.

    As @QuietPeace has said above, if you want life at home to be safe and more comfortable then you may need to scale your plans back for now. I haven’t been in your situation, but did keep up the pretence of being straight for years whilst in a heterosexual relationship, so I understand that living in the closet is not easy. Do you have a good support network among friends or at school that you can lean on to get you through this time?

    Take care.
     
    #3 LostInDaydreams, Feb 21, 2021
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