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HOCD

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Obliteratrix47, Sep 6, 2021.

  1. Obliteratrix47

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    Hello. New here in this forum. My name's KidDJ and I'm a female with OCD. For the past 2 years, I've had OCD, when I was 15 years old. I have Sexual OCD, like Homosexual OCD, Pedophilia OCD, Zoophilia OCD, and even Incest OCD.

    At the age of 12, I remember having my first crush on a guy in my class. He was the only guy I've ever fallen in love with before HOCD took over. Since then, I don't recall having a sexual/romantic crush on a woman, I never second-guessed my sexuality. I've never had the interest in fantasizing about myself doing sexual/romantic things to females, except that I had gay thoughts, yes, I can admit that but I didn't feel like liking them and I did not care and moved on with my life. At the age of 13, I chose to date a female when I played Kim Kardashian: Hollywood. I've had one or few girl crushes, but they weren't sexual or romantic. Even if they were sexual/romantic, I wouldn't be in this forum and I would've known that I was bisexual. I've always known I was a heterosexual female, based on my preference for my fantasies of having sex with males and liking it and even having attractions. When HOCD sprung out, I remember feeling immense anxiety and I tried to suppress it, but it didn't help. When I check my past, my HOCD would convince me that my attractions to men were fake and that I've had attractions to females without realizing it. I've made many attempts of fantasizing about myself doing romantic/sexual things to males, but then HOCD would automatically switch to women. I really couldn't tell whether my attractions to women are actually true, or even false. If they're true, then so be it. I would be bisexual and still date men. At the age of 14, I was hanging out with my friend in school and then my classmate came to me and asked me if I was a lesbian because he saw me talking to my best friend and I told him no. I don't think he was just joking, I think he was trying to make me feel upset. I got called lesbian again in a rude way because there was this kid who was riding a bicycle and saw me and my another best friend chatting and thought that we were dating.

    Today, my (false) attractions to women are not that strong as it was before, but there's this lingering doubt that's still making me question whether I'm straight or bisexual. I guess it's a good sign that I'm recovering. This post is not meant to offend anyone from the LGBTQ community. This is only a subtype of OCD and it has nothing to do with our sexuality. There are gay people that have Heterosexual OCD. If you don't believe me, please take a look at some articles written by gay people that have OCD.

    Have a nice day and stay safe.

    Sincerely,

    KidDJ
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Welcome to EC.

    There are not a million different OCDs. OCD is OCD and all "flavors" have the same treatment. Just as we do not have Car Hitting You Broken Leg as different from Falling Off The Roof Broken Leg we only have OCD not Handwashing OCD, Counting Patterns OCD, Turn Off the Stove OCD or Homosexual OCD. If anyone has OCD regardless of what they obsess over they need to seek out therapy and often medications which will help the symptoms of OCD. You already admit that you have OCD and so you should work on getting treatment for it.

    If you have paraphilias that is different. If you are only obsessing over the fact that you might have a paraphilia that should still be treated by treating the obsession. If after getting your obsessions under control you find that you still have a problem with a paraphilia (pedophilia, zoophilia, incestuous desires [I am pretty sure that there is a *philia label for that but I forget what it is at this time], etc) then you can undergo treatment for that but you should definitely work on the obsessive disorder first as you might not really have the paraphilia at all.
     
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  3. Obliteratrix47

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    Thank you for that, but I'm trying my best by not caring about those obsessions.
     
  4. masterofnone

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    hey i know you don’t mean any harm with these comments but obsessions come from an ego dystonic place. they go against the persons values and are usually terrifying to the sufferer. the sufferer finds these things unacceptable and take no pleasure in these thoughts. it’s almost like your brain is r*ping you.
     
  5. Obliteratrix47

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    Both of you are right.
     
  6. QuietPeace

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    OCD is an illness trying hard is not what is going to help you. You need professional help in order to address it.

    I know that, this is why I am telling everyone not just the OP that if they have OCD that they need to get professional help.

    As an actual multiple rape victim I find this comparison extremely offensive. Also, adding a star to an offensive thing to pretend that you are not saying what you are actually saying is completely pointless unless you star it totally out such that it cannot be perceived what you are attempting to say at which point there would be no point in typing it out anyway. If you are going to say an offensive thing just do it.
     
  7. Obliteratrix47

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    I get that both of you are doing good for me, but there's no need to argue on this thread
     
  8. masterofnone

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    fair point. sorry about that misuse of the word. what i’m trying to say is that these thoughts can be absolutely traumatising for the sufferer.
     
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  9. quebec

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    Hello All.....I suffer from OCD and take meds as well as therapy to help control it. Let me emphasize "control" not cure. Absolutely OCD is a disease. Its primary cause is an imbalance of and changes in the chemistry in the brain. There are other factors that can also affect the appearance of OCD in a person, but it seems that the brain chemistry is the primary issue. OCD can appear at an early age or sometimes it doesn't seem to show itself until later in a persons life. Mine slowly became evident in my early thirties and by Age 45 was fully expressed. As @QuietPeace indicated, there is just OCD, not many different "flavors" of OCD. What makes this confusing is that OCD can affect people in different ways. We've all heard of the person who has to wash-their-hands-multiple-times-durning-the-day OCD. I have the version of OCD that leads me to count things over and over. I'm not qualified to say whether there are kinds of OCD that are related to sexuality. I really do think that you need to see a therapist about this. They will be able to work through all of the conflicting feelings and emotions that you are experiencing to help you understand the source and potentially the path to take for relief. Please take this seriously and try to arrange to see a therapist as soon as you can...it will help you enormously!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  10. Sadness

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    I actually think there is not "kinds" of ocd. Ocd like you said is a general disorder, so in my opinion anyone can have any type of obsessions because of ocd, people who have obessesions about washing hands can develop obsessions about fear of being racist, harmfull, and everything. I already had obsessions about a constant fear of me being racist, but i was never racist, but i was afraid i was because of the things that would pop up in my mind out of nowhere. Now i have obsession about being gay and recently because of pandemic i develop obsession about washing my hands a lot too.

    So i think that obsessions can be about anything and can happen to anyone at anytime.
     
    #10 Sadness, Sep 11, 2021
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  11. Chip

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    The point people are trying to make is that OCD is OCD, and there are no variants of it such as HOCD or "locking locks OCD" or anything else, just OCD.

    Trying to think your way out of OCD is about as effective as trying to think your way out of diarrhea. What you need is help from a therapist and, most likely, medication. Please seek medical help.
     
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  12. quebec

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    Sadness.....@Chip is totally correct. That is what I was trying to get across. There is only OCD...period. It affects people in different ways, but there is still only OCD.
    David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  13. masterofnone

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    yes in the dsm there is only ocd. all subtypes of ocd have the same premise and are treated using the same method. the nicknames are simply for sake of identifying fellow sufferers who have the same intrusive thoughts as you. if your ocd is fixated on sexuality (aka hocd) you have OCD, it is not a seperate mental illness.
     
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  14. Chip

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    It is very, very rare than OCD is 100% fixated on a single subject. Almost always, there are others (which may be milder). But yes, it's a single disorder.
     
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  15. Sadness

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    Than it makes sense as to why i transitioned from obsessions over and over, about racism, hurting family and friends, washing my hands over and over, checking doors, locks, light switch and now this one.

    Is it weird how this was the only one that trully affected me since ive been having this for 3 years, the others were more like "seasonal".
     
  16. masterofnone

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    i would say that generally most people have one obsession at a time. but that doesn’t mean that it won’t change. (mine has changed a few times). id say most people have 2-3 obsessions that are sometimes cycled through
     
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  17. Obliteratrix47

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    Unfortunately, I really can't as I think my parents won't understand my struggles.
     
  18. Obliteratrix47

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    I know the ways how to help with OCD, but I can't as my parents won't understand of what am I going through.
     
  19. Chip

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    Talk to a teacher you trust, or if your school has guidance counselors, to a counselor. If this issue is severely affecting you (as it sounds like it is), then not addressing it is actually an issue of childhood neglect. Your teacher or school counselor should be able to help get this across to your parents.
     
  20. masterofnone

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    i hid what i was going through ever since i was a kid. because i thought my own thoughts weren’t rational myself i wondered what my parents would think. if i had of opened up earlier and gotten proper treatment i never would be in this predicament. i was quite literally having silent panic attacks for months earlier this year and no one knew. that was until one night me and my mum went out for dinner and my thoughts were just eating me alive, every mildly attractive guy or even not attractive guy at all that i would see id freak out my anxiety would go through the roof. my mum noticed i hadn’t eaten much of my food and i said no and started breaking down in tears, we left and i told her about all these thoughts i’ve had since a kid. she understood more than i thought she would. i’m now getting help. you can go as in depth or as brief as you’d like