1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Help with understanding my sexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Deena, Jul 11, 2012.

  1. Deena

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2012
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hello there! I've been trying to muster up the courage to register for a while, and here I am, so hi!

    So the thing is that I'm not sure if I'm a lesbian or bisexual. Or something in between. I know for certain I am very much attracted to girls, and have been knowingly since I was around 7 years old. I find girls physically, emotionally, and sexually attractive, and can see myself finding a girl and spending the rest of my life with her, but that is all I'm certain on.

    I like how men look physically, like they're nice to view from afar, but I'm not sure if it's more like admiration. I have been emotionally or romantically attracted to guys before (as in, I would have a relationship with them, like with talking, hugging, general intimacy, but never further than that), but that sort of crush has never lasted as long as it has with girls, and not nearly as often. The idea of having sex with a guy I find a little repulsing, but theoretically, if I did fall in love with a male, I could see myself having sex with him if it made him happy.

    Someone I talked about this with online suggested that I could be a biromantic lesbian, but I'm still unsure. I do get, however, that labels are unnecessary, and that I should just go with what makes me happy, and that's what I intend to do! But thank you for any contributions, I really appreciate it.
     
  2. Aldrick

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2012
    Messages:
    2,175
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Virginia
    Welcome to EC Deena! :icon_bigg

    You should stick around, and don't feel intimidated by the community. Everyone here is fairly nice, and only a few of them seem to bite. :lol:

    I'm glad that you seem to understand that you don't need labels, and the best advice that can always be given is to follow your gut and instincts. Straight, bi, gay, it's all natural and one way or another mother nature is going to lead you down the path you should be on eventually.

    It's hard to say you're this or that, so I'm not even going to try. Instead, I'm going to describe what I feel and let you compare. Just so you know, I'm a gay male.

    So, when it comes to guys my emotions are different than when it comes to girls. I can develop crushes, desires, and longings for them. For example, if I develop a crush on a guy it might start with that feeling of butterflies in my stomach. Shortly after that, I either become really self-conscious, or want to spend as much time with him as possible. When he's not around, I'm thinking about him, and wondering when I'm going to see him next.

    This is all a result of mother natures special sauce flowing through the brain, whose main purpose is to drive you into a bonding experience with the individual you're crushing on. It's a mixture of hormones and chemicals and it's the reason you feel so euphoric and feel like you want to spend every waking moment with the person. It doesn't last forever, though, and this is important to keep in mind. It's the reason once it starts to wear off you start to notice things about the person that you never noticed before. "Ugh, I can't believe I thought his laugh was attractive. It's like nails being scratched across a chalkboard." "Crap, I can't believe I thought his lack of table manners was adorable. Geeze, that's so gross, and totally not manly at all like I thought."

    All of that is normal for people who are straight, bi, and gay. We all feel it toward the people we're romantically and sexually attracted too.

    When it comes to women, I obviously feel differently. I can admire her beauty. I can look at her and tell if she is sexy and attractive. I can desire (strongly) to be her friend, to have her in my life. I can have the desire to cuddle, hug, and chill out together (I'm an affectionate guy in general). However, these are all platonic feelings. A relationship with a woman for me wouldn't really extend beyond friendship. I could become best friends with her, I could even love her like a sister, but I couldn't recreate the same feelings or desires (and I'm not just talking sexual desires) that a guy can give me.

    So, hopefully some of this helps you. Don't be afraid to stick around and ask some more questions. (*hug*)
     
  3. dasazn

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2012
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Boulder, CO
    Gender:
    Male
    As Aldrick mentioned, labels aren't important, but if you are considering one, I would suggest looking at the Kinsey scale. It ranks people on a scale from 0 to 6, with 0 being heterosexual, 3 being bisexual, and 6 being homosexual. It sounds like you might be a 4 or 5 using this scale - definitely attracted to women with a bit of attraction to men.

    More info: Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Hopefully this helps.
     
  4. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,459
    Likes Received:
    3,490
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey its tough when you are figuring evering thing out but its great that you know that labels are not important, you can always go with 'not straight'.
     
  5. lonewolf77

    lonewolf77 Guest

    Excellent point. Why label yourself? Just be you.