Hi guys, my name is Tom and I'm 22 years old. I'm kinda new on here and I don't know if there's already a post like this, but I couldn't find any recent ones so here I go: I'm in the process of coming out as gay and it's not very easy, but fortunately until now I've had no bad reactions. But that's not why I'm seeking advice today... I find it difficult to meet other guys let alone date them. I have been on dating apps multiple times, but in the end i always deleted them without having met anyone in real life. I don't know.. The thought of dating frightens me somehow and I can't really explain why. I'm still not as confident as i would like to be... But I wonder how I can ever be confident with my sexuality if I don't meet other people? I don't know if any of this makes sense but maybe someone of you guys has had similar feelings and can give me some advice.. I appreciate any help! Thanks in advance Lots of love, Tom
Hello, Tom! Dating can be scary at the best of times for anyone, but it can be especially hard when you're coming to realize and accept your sexual orientation. Dating apps can work for some people, but it does seem to vary by and large on location and what each person is looking for--and hook-ups seem to be a pretty common factor. Dating apps aside, have you tried looking up any LGBT support groups in your area? There are also LGBT social apps that might be a bit more up your alley, as well. Or you could try looking into hobby shops, art studios, or anywhere that fosters your interests. I know it's probably not a lot to work with, but I do hope this helps.
Aloha from Hawaii, Tom You don't have to go on a date to meet people. There is an old saying, 'birds of a feather flock together'. So what is your flock? Do you like to run? Hike? Swim? There are often gay running clubs, hiking clubs, etc. in most areas. For example, Front Runners International has a group that sponsors runs in Vienna. Instead of going on a date, go on a run, meet people, and see if there's anyone that shares interests with you. Your both being runners helps improve the odds that you might be compatible. This is just one example, but whatever you like to do, see if there's a gay subgroup in your area. Be open to new experiences too! With Aloha, Milan
Dating is anxiety-producing and nerve wracking for nearly everyone. That's because we're literally putting ourselves out there and making ourselves vulnerable to whatever the other person thinks. They may like us, they may not. And the fear that they might not is enough to keep many of us from trying at all... which is understandable, but also sad. Now... the above said, I also agree with what MilansMele said. The dating apps aren't always the best approach, especially for someone who is just coming out. The dating apps can be harsh, judgmental, and many (and, depending on the app, nearly all) of the people on there may say they are looking for relationships, but are really just focused on hookups. So there's a lot of one-and-done ghosting that happens, which isn't fun or pleasant. So a good start is often something not at all 'dating' oriented. I don't know if meetup.com is a thing where you are, but it is a worldwide clearinghouse for people interested in real-life activities. In many more populous areas, there are many different groups for gay men interested in (for example) running, hiking, game nights, movie nights, potlucks, book clubs, group theater outings, and the like. It can be a great way to just meet and connect with a bunch of different people where there's little pressure because the intent is on the activity, not on hunting for someone to date. Of course, sometimes people connect as a result of these activities, but even if that doesn't happen, you can often find circles of gay folks where you're likely to find a crowd you like and appreciate... which can help you find someone you have compatibility with. So that might be a good approach. If Meetup isn't a thing in your area, you could check to see if there are any local LGBT centers, or you could volunteer at organizations where typically a lot of gay people hang out (community theater is one example that immediately comes to mind, or the gay men's chorus, if you sing at all).
