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Funny responses you got when you came out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by paco, Jul 11, 2010.

  1. Chip

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    Gaydar is a thing. I can't say definitively that it's an energy or an aura, but a lot of gay people (my experience is more with guys than girls, but it's present in both)seem to have an innate capacity to tell, with a pretty high degree of accuracy, that someone is gay or lesbian... and often, years before that person even fully is self-aware that they are gay. There are also some straight people that have really good gaydar as well.

    There was a guy I worked with that joined our work team, which worked very closely and spent 16 hours a day together for months at a time. He joined our team at age 18, and almost immediately, he started tripping everyone's gaydar... even people who came in contact for only a few hours. But he insisted he was straight. He didn't come out until almost 10 years later. When he did, he acknowledged that he was not really aware he was gay until he was 23 or 24... so the folks around him knew before he did.

    I've noticed many other such situations. The flip side is, there are people who are gay that absolutely don't trip people's gaydar. But they are less common.

    And the last piece is, for those who are closeted and worry that others might be able to tell, so they go out of their way to act straight... usually that just makes it more obvious to people with good gaydar. It's pretty easy to tell when someone is overcompensating and desperately trying to act straight. So, as much as it is not what folks want to hear when they are closeted, the best thing is simply to try and be yourself.
     
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  2. Bludzee

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    Well I’m absolutely like that lol. Most of my friend have some kind of gaydar but I honestly can’t tell if someone’s gay or no. So it always kind of feel weird when they tell me I have a gay aura.
     
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  3. Wanderlost

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    So barring the really obvious queers out there who go out of their way to be noticed and represent, you guys don't think it could simply be playing the odds and winning at a high enough percentage rate that causes others to think, "they have gaydar!" In some sports a 30% success rate is considered elite numbers. A meteorologist can be wrong 50% of the time and still hold a job. Some might say the variables to consider when trying to determine if someone is straight or gay are even far less complicated. What you are saying is that there is more to this than just statistics, it's either chemical, supernatural, or a divergent sense that did not exist prior to the 1990's? I'm not trying to cause trouble. I just like these sort of discussions, but this is also not very funny so maybe this isn't the place. haha
     
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  4. Chip

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    No. I have one friend (who, amazingly, is straight) and has such impeccable gaydar that he's known as the "gaydar Jedi." He has,to my kmowledge, never been wrong, and often picks people out 3+ years before they come out to anyone. Mine isn't that good, but its pretty decent.

    What you are saying is that there is more to this than just statistics; it's either chemical, supernatural or a divergent sense that did not exist prior to the 1990's? I'm not trying to cause trouble. I just like these sort of discussions, but this is also not very funny so maybe this isn't the place. haha[/QUOTE]

    If you've read Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink",I think that's the explanation for it... some subconscious analyses that those who have gaydar rely on, but don't even really know they are using.
     
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  5. Wanderlost

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    haha, I really need this guy in my life!!

    I've never read "Blink," but I understand the premise. I won't deny that gut feeling and intuition exist. I'm usually the type that tries to unravel the science behind a thing. This makes me sound like someone who is not spiritual at all, but that's not true either.
     
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  6. 74andHome

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    YermanTom i really appreciate your post. My heritage is Irish and Scottish an I so love being in Ireland. The humor is contagious. Hope in the meantime all is good with you. Good to hear your experience. Hope mine is as complementary. Be well.
     
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  7. 74andHome

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    Interesting comments. I don’t know why or how, but if you put 10 guys together and 1 of them is gay, I can pick them out almost immediately. My problem in the past before I quit drinking, etc. was never seeing the guy coming in a bar that was going to take me home for the night. That always surprised me. Since I quit drinking some 35 years ago, that has’t happened. so is it gut, intuition, chemical or something else. Who cares…..
     
  8. Wanderlost

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    For some reason I find it far easier to identify a gay man than a gay woman. I don't know if it's because gay men at large adhere more consistently to a more predictable appearance and voice inflection or something else. But to me, gay women blend in with the straight crowd unless they are trying to represent.

    In keeping with the topic, or sort of. A few months ago I was at a grocery story with a university friend. We were at the checkout counter to pay, and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes off the person putting the groceries in our bag. When we left and got in the car my friend says, "Liked what you saw back there?" I feigned ignorance until she pressed me. I finally admitted that they had amazing eyes and lips. To which she responded. "I had a feeling." I looked at her puzzled at first, and then realized what she meant, her "gaydar" I guess. This was a revelation to me because no one really ever guesses that I'm anything other than straight. Nothing else was said at that time, and this isn't very funny but this gaydar topic sorta reminded me of the occasion.
     
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  9. 74andHome

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    That’s great Wanderlost! I was at a coffee shop with straight fiends yesterday. After we headed out a young lady walked past us and I instantly knew she was trans. She was really pretty btw. My male friend saw her and just freaked out. He said,”did you see that freak!” I started to ask him if he was shocked or interested. He got very embarrassed and his wife smiled. Not another word was said. Really makes you wonder doesn’t it. So, your okay and al is good. The world is coming around slowly. Much to slow…
     
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