1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Focusing on yourself when coming out - how to do it

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sunbird, Apr 15, 2022.

  1. sunbird

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2021
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    A part of me is coming out with Diana Ross playing in the background and feeling excited about everything that is new and explorable. But how to draw boundaries in terms of forming new relationships? I don’t want to hurt anyone or be hurt again myself… But I’d also like to go out and meet people. Basically, I’m feeling scared. Is it possible to focus on myself and live this period fully inviting new people into my life?
     
  2. Sunchimes

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2022
    Messages:
    223
    Likes Received:
    159
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I now have an ear worm and I’m singing the Diana Ross song in my head now as I’m replying lol

    Since I came out I’ve hurt and I’ve been hurt. That’s the nature of relationships. (I’m speaking in terms of romantic relationships here).

    Communication is the key and that has to occur right from the start so that both know what the other one wants/needs.

    It’s exciting! Once you know what you are looking for, and set your boundaries, just go out and enjoy meeting new people and see where you end up. You’ll meet new friends and also you may form romantic relationships depending on what you’re looking for.

    Have fun!!! :slight_smile:
     
    sunbird likes this.
  3. bsg75apollo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2015
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    568
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    "I'm coming out. I want the world to know. Got to let it show..." Thank you very much. I'll have that in my head all the day. But, the lyrics are right. I'm just starting the coming out process.
     
    sunbird and Sunchimes like this.
  4. Sunchimes

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2022
    Messages:
    223
    Likes Received:
    159
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Great song isn’t it? It’s still in my head lol

    It’s the same as “I am what I am” - Gloria Gaynor. (You’ll have that to add into your head now)
     
    sunbird likes this.
  5. bsg75apollo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2015
    Messages:
    474
    Likes Received:
    568
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'll have to draw the line at "It's Raining Men" although I'm not sure I'd complain about being caught in that storm.
     
    sunbird and Sunchimes like this.
  6. sunbird

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2021
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    One of my faves :relaxed:

    Straight talk. I like it. Can’t avoid hurt we’re humans... I feel extra careful and aware about this after discovering I’m gay, I don’t quite know why that is…

    Yes I agree… I want to be able to communicate with my future friends openly! I’ve noticed coming out has already helped me be more open with people than I was before. A nice thing!

    So true! These are huge! I think this will take some time for me to figure out…

    Thank you @Sunchimes :slight_smile:
     
    Sunchimes likes this.
  7. sunbird

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2021
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Such a great song isn’t it Diana Ross is my permanent ear worm these days :slight_smile: I also like some of the new songs that came out last year
     
    Sunchimes likes this.
  8. sunbird

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2021
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Ahh such a fab coming out being yourself song and that voice! I melt… ”I am what I am I don’t want praise I don’t want pity I bang my own drum Some think it’s noise I think it’s pretty…” :notes:

    Ahhahhaaa love it
     
    Sunchimes likes this.
  9. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,359
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Whenever we are dating or looking for a new relationship it's important to have some clear red lines etched in our minds. What are the things that are non-negotiable for you? I'm not suggesting you create a long list, but you will save yourself a lot of heartache if you know where you stand and refuse to move on those non-negotiables. To give you an example, I wouldn't entertain anybody with addiction problems and I wouldn't have unprotected sex. I wasn't afraid to make it clear that these were my red lines because it's far better to say it at the beginning before you become really invested in somebody. Remember, you set your boundaries and it's up to you to protect them. We can't allow them to slide for a cute smile or pretty face.

    We call it the 'dating game' for a reason and when you are playing the game you will have some misses as well as hits. That's just how it goes. It's best to acknowledge that, keep your feet on the ground and play the game slowly instead of giving our heart to someone too soon. It's not stand-offish to be like that because it really does take time to learn to love and trust someone.
     
  10. Sunchimes

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2022
    Messages:
    223
    Likes Received:
    159
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi @sunbird :slight_smile: It’s taken me all morning to figure out how to quote multiple quotes in a reply :grin: Here goes… I hope it worked haha

    You are extra careful because your emotions are heightened so you know you’ll get really hurt if you’re not careful. I went the opposite and threw caution to the wind every time. My life was mayhem for a while. It was like a teenage phase when I first came out. I was an emotional raving lunatic!

    I remember exactly the same thing. I finally felt like everyone was talking to “me” as a whole rather than only part of me. It felt good. Though when I came out most of my friends told me they weren’t surprised lol.

    You’re so welcome :slight_smile:
     
    sunbird likes this.
  11. Haruto

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2022
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    49
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    That's what I thought right before I came out to my brother!