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Feeling stressed because I don’t “just know”

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by mlansing, Apr 17, 2022.

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  1. mlansing

    mlansing
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    I’m seeing someone new and so far things are going well. I am attracted to him and I genuinely like what I have seen from him so far. The problem I am having, though, is that you always hear about people just “knowing” when they’ve met their person, but I can’t say I feel that right now. Is my future with him doomed if I don’t know from the start?

    I wish I could just relax and enjoy things instead of overthinking like this. Maybe I put love on too high of a pedestal, but I also don’t want to settle. That being said, I really want to give this a chance and see where it goes because he is such a sweet guy and I can see a potential future with him.
     
    #1 mlansing, Apr 17, 2022
  2. bsg75apollo

    bsg75apollo
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    I would say that the only thing that would doom your future is not giving the present a chance.
     
    #2 bsg75apollo, Apr 17, 2022
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  3. mlansing

    mlansing
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    Thank you, that makes a ton of sense.
     
    #3 mlansing, Apr 17, 2022
  4. Sleeping Owl

    Sleeping Owl
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    You definitely hear about people 'knowing' they've met their special person way more than it's actually the case. It's not really realistic to expect that out of love. I personally believe that there are plenty of people out there we can all have meaningful relationships with, but it takes both people to be willing to listen and be open with each other, and in a good spot to love others in the first place.
     
    #4 Sleeping Owl, Apr 21, 2022
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  5. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    This sounds like a pretty good foundation to me.

    I'm not sure I believe in the idea of love at first sight. After a period of time together people reflect on the strength of their relationships and then look back to the days when they first met through rose tinted glasses and call it love at first sight. In truth, love is a fragile thing and it takes time and trust for it to mature and feel like the 'real thing' so I would go with the flow and allow things to develop between you.
     
    #5 PatrickUK, Apr 22, 2022
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  6. chicodeoro

    chicodeoro
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    Absolutely and unequivocally: no.

    Every relationship has its own topography, its own contours. Some are long slow climbs. With one previous girlfriend we only got it together fifteen months after our first date. With another we spent two years circling each other tentatively, but when it happened it was all over in the space of a couple of months.

    Far too many people make a snap decision because there is 'no spark' (or some other cliche like that) and retreat to their comfort zones. But human beings are complex nuanced creatures - sometimes it can just take a while to get to know those wonderful idiosyncrasies we all have. Relax, see what happens and see if love gently unfolds!

    Good luck, Beth
     
    #6 chicodeoro, Apr 22, 2022
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