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Feeling depressed and lonely

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by GrumpyOldLady, Aug 31, 2021.

  1. GrumpyOldLady

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    I guess this is mostly a vent/whine.

    I've been breaking out in tears randomly the past couple of weeks and tonight I just can't seem to stop. It could partially be hormonal, I've been going through perimenopause the past couple of years. But there's also so much going on and I feel like I'm barely staying afloat.

    My teenager, the person I love most in the world is having serious mental health issues and nothing seems to work. I can't force him to want to recover, and it's so frustrating to watch him suffer and not be able to help. It seemed it was getting better but we had a setback and it's just so hard to deal with.

    My husband and I are not on the same page about this at all and granted that I'm a lesbian I never really had that much desire for him and our sexual relationship has been more or less non-existent for years but we were at least friends and but now I'm just so fed up that everything he does just annoys me. I've been stuck with my kid and my husband since lockdown with little respite and it's wearing me down.

    I've allowed myself to become isolated over the years to the point that I hardly have anyone to talk to, I do reach out to people sometimes but it feels that so few people bother to reach out to me, not even my own family. If I don't call or text them they won't call or text me to find out how I am. I have some friends in online groups but it's the same thing, very few people reach out to ask how I'm doing. At the moment there is one person who seems to actually care about what's going on and who doesn't mind when I talk to her about these things but I'm afraid of burdening her too much because she has her own issues and stress.

    I had another friend, one who I felt really close to for a while, who was very dear to me and who I could talk to about anything but then I made things weird by developing a crush on her and we still talk but I don't feel I can burden her with all this right now because things are still delicate between us. I don't know how much she still cares about me as a friend or if I maybe drove her away by caring about her too much, I don't want to ask her right now because I don't want to make things worse but sometimes it really hurts a lot because my mind often tends to assume the worst when I feel insecure about a relationship so some days I'll feel ok about it and other days I'll be full of doubt.

    I'm also dealing with the realization that I'm lesbian and although it was freeing to admit it it's still another burden because I still have so many feelings of shame about it. I have an appointment with a counselor but it's not for a few weeks and right now I'm just hurting inside and don't know where to turn.
     
  2. elli0x

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    Hi, nice to meet you :slight_smile:
    I hope the things will get better
    I am here if you want to talk ^^
     
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  3. quebec

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    GOLady.....I wrote to you once before and said that I'd call you GOLady because I didn't want to give being grumpy any more strength than needed and I'm older than you! :old_smile: I feel kind of close to you right now...I know that sounds strange! But you recently made an application for full membership and as part of that process the staff looks at your posts. I've always felt that it's really an important decision so I make it a point, if at all possible to read every post that the applicant has made. As it turns out, I've just finished doing that. I can relate to a lot of what you're feeling right now. I've been married for 43 years this last July. Sex has not been a part of our relationship for a very long time. I am out to my wife and she has accepted me for who I am, but the part of my life that I live as a gay man is small. I do think that my wife and I get along better that you and your husband do, but there is still a big part of what makes the "real" me that she just has no part in. I live a large part of my life as a straight man. All of our common friends are straight and we are both involved in a conservative church. At times all of this can make me feel very isolated. I think quite a lot like you do. My solutions (these are mine-no guarantee they'll work for anyone else!) are two: 1) Empty Closets (was that a surprise?) :old_big_grin: I spend time on EC everyday. It really is a main line of support for me. Not just replying to others, but sometimes just reading posts that help keep me in touch with the LGBTQIA+ Family. The news, the humor and yes, the serious posts that need a reply...some for support and advice and others just for a shoulder to cry or lean on. 2) I watch LGBTQIA+ Youtube videos! Sometimes they just really encourage me, make me laugh and entertain. I can look at many of them made by much younger than I gays and lesbians, etc. and just have a good time because they are. Oh, I know that those videos are only showing a small slice of what the life of those "kids" are like...but they're having fun and therefore so am I and that helps me a whole lot! I hope this helps at least a little bit! Remember that you are a part of our LGBTQIA+ Family and that we do care! Please keep us updated on how this all works out.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #3 quebec, Aug 31, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2021
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  4. QuietPeace

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    This does not seem to me to be whining at all. You have a number of serious things going on with you that are valid worries or things to be upset about and then added to that the process of starting perimenopause and anyone would be overwhelmed. I want you to know that you are being heard. If you want to talk you can post to my wall or just keep posting here.
     
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  5. GrumpyOldLady

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    Thanks for the replies, I got so overwhelmed yesterday that I spent half the evening hiding in the bathroom crying and was up until 2:30 because I just couldn't stop.
     
  6. GrumpyOldLady

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    I wish I had built up a better support system before, it's something that takes time unfortunately and with Covid it's even harder. Like a lot of people I got busy with work and my kid, I'm an introvert as well and I've either not pursued friendships or let them slide into mere acquaintances so there aren't a lot of people I know who I feel comfortable reaching out to. This community has been extremely helpful so far even though it's mostly anonymous but I really miss the human connection of having people who know who I am and care about me enough to support me.
     
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  7. QuietPeace

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    I agree that having IRL human connection is better. I also have been hit by COVID because only a couple of years ago I moved to a new nation. I was starting to build a set of friends when the pandemic threw a wrench into things. At least there are people here who care and are supportive.
     
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  8. Love2sleep

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    This Covid malarky has been a real nightmare for social interactions. I am so very grateful to have a built up a great support network here at EC. It has helped improve my mental health and given me access to talk about things that have been weighing heavily on my mind and heart. I feel blessed to have found this space and thankful for the friends I have made here. There may well be a silver lining to the pandemic, I feel richer for having met friends friends here, without Covid I'm not sure I would have found EC.
     
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  9. silverhalo

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    Hey I am sorry to hear you were having such a tough day. I think with everything you have going on it is completely understandable that you are finding it all tough to deal with. Try not to be too hard on yourself sometimes it is good to cry and let it out.
    As the others have said EC is here for you and sure it is not quite the same as having and connecting with people in real life but if you dont feel like there is anyone you can reach out to right now then we are always here to listen and help where we can.

    WOuld you consider seeing a therapist yourself to provide you with some support whilst you have all of this going on?
     
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  10. Really

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    Hey,

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s rough. One thing that stuck out for me in your post is the comment about friends/family not reaching out to you. I know it’s really easy to think others don’t care when you don’t hear from them but I wonder if it’s more a case of people assuming that the lives of other people (you, in this case) are just ticking along so don’t particularly feel the need to reach out. Almost like “no news is good news”/“out of sight, out of mind”.

    As hard as it is while you’re feeling this way, maybe try to get the ball rolling again, so to speak. Send a handful of messages to your friends saying you were thinking of them and wondered how they were doing/you’d like to catch up. And to your family, maybe enquire after what’s going on with them as a way to open up the conversation about your current situation. Maybe not your sexuality if you don’t want to but certainly about your child and husband? Put out feelers to see who might let you unload a bit. You can say you just need to vent or ask for help if that works.

    I know you shouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting but people are for the most part self-involved so don’t necessarily think of others but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t want to help you if you asked for it.

    Hang in there. :]
     
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  11. GrumpyOldLady

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    I do have an appointment in a few weeks with an LGBT therapist, hopefully she can help me or point me in the right direction.

    I do reach out and sometimes they respond, it's just that they never make an effort to keep up contact themselves and after a while I get tired of always being the one who has to initiate. My family is aware of some of the situation but we talk so seldom it's hard to have any kind of deep conversation/vent because most of the time is spent on catch up and I feel uncomfortable contacting someone with whom I rarely talk just to vent especially since there would be so much to explain first.

    The nice thing about close friends is that they're more aware of the day to day stuff so it's quicker to vent because they understand the background. If the relationship is reasonably two-sided I don't feel like I'm contacting them just when I need to vent if that makes sense. I realize that I probably need to form more close friendships but that takes time because those can be hard to find and don't grow overnight, you can't really force a friendship to form at all much less quickly.
     
  12. Really

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    Totally understand. It sucks. Hopefully your therapist can help you feel better and get you over this hump and more optimistic for a brighter future. Which will be there. It’ll just take a bit of time and perseverance.
    You’ve got this.
     
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  13. silverhalo

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    I totally get that it is hard to reach out to people and also that sometimes you dont have the close friendships that you feel like you need to to be able to reach out and vent but its good that you have an appointment booked, hopefully that will help.
     
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  14. GrumpyOldLady

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    I ended up writing an email to one of those crisis hotlines and have been corresponding with someone there...it's actually been quite helpful so far and I'm feeling a lot better this week, the bad episodes are getting less intense. I think it's also helping to be getting back to "normal" life a little bit.
     
  15. Really

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    :arrow_up::arrow_up:YAY!:arrow_up::arrow_up:
     
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