Dreams

Based on what I have read in books and online, it is generally accepted that we all have periods of dreams while we sleep. I have wondered about this for a long time because during my life I have rarely had dreams that I remember. But lately I have experienced a noticeable change in that. Several of these recent dreams have included people important in my life, such as my wife, my son, and my closest friend. None have been overtly sexual, but have been dreams more of a inquiring nature, as if I’m trying to sort things out in my mind. When I wake up, I write the dreams down and try to put what I have dreamed into the context of my daily life as it is now. For example, I had a dream about a month ago that I was part of a group of men and women who were preparing for a battle, the opponent was unknown. Each one of us had to decide if we were willing to put our lives on the line for the battle. I had made my own decision — For myself, I needed to fight. I watched as some of the others made their choices. Some decided to fight alongside me, some decided not. I woke up with a sense of sadness for those who decided not. It meant that I would be leaving them behind. In that particular dream, I did not recognize anyone in the group. But the message was clear for me.
This morning, I had a sexual dream. I cannot remember when was the last time I had an overtly sexual dream. It could be as long ago as high school, 50 years ago. Today’s dream was short, but vivid and arousing. I’m not sure if the EC rules allow me to tell the details, but I woke up aroused in a way I have not experienced in a long time. It was wonderful. As I lay in bed, processing what I had just experienced, I had a sense of calm that my life now really is changing for the better.

 

@quebec/David,
I’m sitting here at home, not alone in the house, but alone in my room. I’m sorry for your loss of Tim, so long ago. But my hunch is, for you, it seems it was like yesterday. At least, that’s the way it is for me. I had a best friend in high school. We did practically everything together. Double dated with our girlfriends together. And yes, we ‘messed around’ with each other. That time, that experience in my life has never left me. Looking back now, I understand just how much I loved him and I am reasonably sure he loved me, but in the context of the time and the place, it was never expressed in words, only in what we saw as ‘horse play’. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had gone on to the same college, lived together on our own, away from our families and the small town we grew up in. But we chose our separate ways. We kept in touch, and as the years passed, we settled into our respective lives and careers. We were living literally at opposite ends of the country. I remember well wanting him to be best man at my wedding, but he couldn’t. And likewise, I could not be his best man. One of those regrets in my life, because just 4 months after his marriage, I received a call from my brother, telling me he had died suddenly. In an instant, one of the chambers of his heart blew out, and there was nothing that could be done fast enough to save him. A part of me died that day. I sent my condolences to his parents. His mother sent me a long letter, telling me what had happened, and remembering the good times. She said he would keep her up to date on what I was doing, so she knew we were still close. I think she probably knew about us, but she kept it to herself. A few years later I was able to stop by his grave while visiting my brother. My wife was with me. I totally broke down, kneeling down at his headstone. She didn’t say a word. We have never spoken about that moment.
I think my journey today is still influenced by my experience with him. I think you feel the same about your experience.

 

I continue to experience plenty of dream activity. I’m actually kind of amazed. Last night I dreamed indirectly about my friend, the guy who I had been seeing but who put me aside when a former boyfriend returned into his life.
In my dream, I finally met my friend’s boyfriend. I was sitting, having a conversation with the boyfriend in my friend’s house. We were both discussing him, what we like about him, and we shared our personal perspectives. It was a really open discussion, and I was thoroughly enjoying it! The dream (and conversation) seemed to last a long time, and at one point I said to the boyfriend, “I wonder where he is?” since the two of us were there in his house and he wasn’t home. The boyfriend didn’t know where he was either. Anyway, after more conversation, I said to the boyfriend, “It’s been nice chatting with you, _____ (I know his name), but I’ve got to go now. Maybe we can chat again. He replied, “Yeah, this was good. Nice meeting you.” And I woke up. I sat on the edge of the bed. My immediate thought was this is my subconscious affirming what I have been consciously thinking, and telling my friend. That I am not “at odds” with his boyfriend. That I am not a “rival.” That I truly want for him to be happy because I love him.
As I do every day, I did my morning exercises and went out for my walk. I usually walk alone, but sometimes my friend decides to get up early and walks with me. I had a gut feeling today would be one of those mornings. Sure enough, I met him along one of the trails, and we walked together. We talk about many different things as we walk, but today I made sure I told him about my dream last night, and my thoughts about it. He seemed to be in good spirits, hearing what I said. When we were about ready to head home in our separate directions, I reminded him of something he told me a while back — that all of this self discovery is a process, even for him living as a gay man. I told him that I’m no different, I’m just 50 years behind!!!