Don't want to be gay

Common threads are exactly why sharing experiences can help to resolve problems and increase our understanding.

As has been said, you face a choice between working to change your life or not. While you are happy to reject everything said here, you also accept the negative judgements of others. You could look at the positive help offered here and make use of it and rejected the attitudes of those who scorn you but you don't. You can change how you interact with the world and how you value yourself.

You mentioned acting out your favourite characters - you aren't the only one. You could join a Live Action RolePlaying group or you could get into acting or drama if you enjoy it. If it is just escapism then keep doing it. While acting out such behaviour is discouraged once you grow up, there's nothing wrong with doing so and it's no different from other forms of escapism or hobbies.

You have to change your life, we can offer you help but if you reject it all it won't change anything about your life. It's up to you to make the life you want. If you refuse to do that then your life will remain empty of meaning and filled with loneliness.

 

DAXIII

The title of this thread is "Don't want to be gay". But, perhaps it has evolved into "Don't want to be happy". You reject that happiness can come from within. Instead, it is a response to one's environment. Fine. Let's assume your theory is correct.

Then, logic would tell us that one only needs to put oneself in a position where the stimuli are those that make us happy. Proper stimulation = happiness. So, would it not make sense to do that? Assuming you really do desire happiness.

Now, let's say you can't find that stimulation available. What do you do? You provide it for someone else. You make someone else happy by providing an environment that they can respond to with happiness. Give this a try and see what happens. My theory is that the favor will be returned.

As far as wanting to be gay or not...whatever. This is not a choice. Dealing with it requires you position yourself to receive the stimulation you need to respond with happiness. Sexuality is just another trait that responds to a stimulation.

Will you be able to find this? Do you have the ability, drive and tools necessary? You, simply, cannot know until you make the attempt. One thing that we do know for certain is that doing nothing will change nothing.

 

You're 25. You haven't worked at it long enough to know if it works or not. The thing about life is that for some of us luck just doesn't provide us the same benefits that it does others. Chance sucks. To help even the odds requires work, it requires time, and it requires us to be receptive and open.

 

No, advice is NOT like science. With advice, there will always be perception bias and cannot be objective. You are biased against any advice at this point, I believe.

About your age, if you don't think age has bearing on your beliefs and perceptions, why don't you think the same way now that you did at 16? You don't think I might have some wisdom learned in my 47 years that you don't at 25?

 

Unless you look at why your previous attempts didn't work then you won't be able to learn from them.

I would suggest that you tell us what problems you encountered but as I have already asked you that and as you avoid practical discussions combined with you refusal to consider anything we say, we won't be able to help you.

 

I have to point that you cannot possibly have tried what Imgay47 has done because you haven't tried to live a straight life for 20 years, gotten married etc. This is the height of your absurd refusal to listen and learn from others - you reject experiences of things you cannot of tried rather than consider what someone, who has gone through the process you are going through now, has done. This is why we cannot help you.

 

So, we are back to the subject that you don't want to be gay. I am presuming then that you DO want to be straight. O.K. What do you want out of being straight?

 

"Did you ever think that maybe he didn't want it enough? That I could succeed where he failed?"

Considering you are on this site it seems that you aren't succeeding very well at all. You are bitter, angry and miserable compounding your isolation and keeping you trapped in a mindset that does nothing to help you build a life you value.

 

Being straight isn't a silver bullet - your life won't somehow just become better, you will still have to work at it, you will still have to deal with people and relationships and you will still have overcome you negative outlook on everything. Besides, you can't become straight so it is not an option for you.

 

Wow. You are surely delusional, or at least so dogmatic in your attempts here, that you can actually suggest that maybe I didn't want it enough?

This is where your young age, at 25, is simply too young and inexperienced to really understand. You think I don't know you. You are so wrong.

I was able to stay closeted and hidden for as long as I did because I didn't think about any of this. I was already deep in denial at your age, and I never even identified as gay then. I was already under the belief that I was straight at your age. There was no internet and no Empty Closets, so it was easy for me to just bury all of this and never think about it.

You will not last the rest of your life pretending to be straight. I didn't have to pretend because I believed I was straight. The problem for you is that you know you are not straight. You know you're gay. I can promise you that FOREVER is so much longer than you can possibly imagine. Saying "I do" and meaning it to be forever - yes, you can do it if you want, but I don't believe for a second that you can last year after year, decade after decade, when you already know you are gay.

Wanting it enough is not the issue. If you are not content in your marriage and family life, it will affect the whole family. Believe me, the minute I came out to myself and ended the denial, the discontent in my life began, and within two years I could no longer sustain this married life. With you, you wouldn't even begin in denial.

I beg you to please consider my words and not just brush them off with your usual comeback. I do know what I'm talking about because I've lived it. You may easily brush this off by saying that your experience will be different than mine, but it just won't. Read enough posts in the Later in Life section and you'll see.

 

Iamgay47

You will not last the rest of your life pretending to be straight. I didn't have to pretend because I believed I was straight. The problem for you is that you know you are not straight. You know you're gay. I can promise you that FOREVER is so much longer than you can possibly imagine. Saying "I do" and meaning it to be forever - yes, you can do it if you want, but I don't believe for a second that you can last year after year, decade after decade, when you already know you are gay.

I tried telling him this, but he won't take our advice. He will have to learn it on his own.

 

I am honestly not sure why anyone is still responding to this guy, I know you guys mean well and are trying your best but this guy does not want your help. Let Mr. DAXIII be himself.

 

DAXIII

Since your mind is made up, have you considered how you are going to defeat this? I assume to not be gay, you are considering being straight? I guess this would require developing a sexual relationship with a woman...sort of the definition of straight.

Please consider her choice in this. It is your responsibility to let any woman, that you develop a serious relationship with, to know that you are gay. You ARE gay even if you are in remission. She would deserve to know since a recurrence is likely.

You may want to review some of your posts where you indicated that happiness is a only a result of external stimulation. This is an interesting view given that denying your sexuality will need to be an internal process. You are not responding, now, to the external stimulations that the straight guys do. So, while you consider it impossible to generate happiness from within, you seem to think you are capable of generating opposite sex attractions from within.