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Don´t know what´s going on

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Lillian22, Jan 13, 2021.

  1. Lillian22

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    Hi there.
    I am a married woman and I´ve known I was pansexual since I was a kid, falling in love with people of all genders since then. I was mostly attracted to men though and would look at porn involving men (since it was an important part of my fantasies). Even though I found a girl´s body really attractive, I couldn´t look at porn involving only girls (who knows why).

    Here is my issue though. Recently I have been incredibly focused on porn that only has girls. I mean, I try to avoid even seeing men genitalia on the corner, if you know what I mean.

    So I´m incredibly confused for a few reasons (and this will also avoid future questions or solutions that you may already be thinking about):

    - No, I am not interested in a threesome. Not MMF, MFM or anything like that. I feel like I want to focus on one woman fully. I don´t know how I feel about a FFF threesome though.
    - I am not interested in an open relationship ¨so I can actually be with a girl¨. I wouldn´t feel comfortable doing that.
    - No, it is not because porn with girls focuses on the girl´s pleasure. I literally just want to look at pictures of them and that is enough. I find them incredibly attractive even if they do not do anything sexual. I do have to admit though that I am incredibly frustrated sexually with my partner (straight male) but that´s a whole other issue.
    - And yes, since I just mentioned my partner I actually can´t find myself being attracted to him sexually (or any other man to be honest).

    I don´t know what happened... I suddenly found myself being incredibly attracted to girls and even feeling a little disgusted whenever I see male genitalia. I still love my partner so... I don´t know what´s going on?
     
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  2. BiGemini87

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    Hello Lillian, and welcome to EC!

    I wonder if you're just going through one of those ebbs and flows that comes natural to some people on the bisexual/pansexual spectrum. Our experiences have been different in terms of knowing our orientations (yours was early, mine was late) but I do relate to some of what you've expressed here.

    Particularly in experiencing attraction to women almost to the exclusion of men when I first came out (and now and again since). I know with mine, it was because I repressed for so long. I had never been confused or felt the need to hide my attraction to men, because who would question it? So naturally when I came out, a backlog regarding my attraction to other women was imminent.

    As for you though, while some factors might be the same, I wouldn't presume to know for sure what's causing this sudden shift in focus. You don't have to answer, but maybe these questions will help you sort through it:

    -Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman?
    -If not, what prevented you from pursuing it? If so, were there any marked differences in your relationships with males and females?
    -Do you think your sudden interest in female porn and focus on women is related (at least in part) to your dissatisfaction with your partner?
    -Is the dissatisfaction purely sexual? Is it a lack of performance on his end, or can your lack of attraction to him be linked to something else?
    -Has anything occurred recently that might have sparked this sudden change?

    Whatever it is, I honestly wouldn't worry too much. There are so many things that can influence the way you're feeling, and while your sexual orientation won't change, any other changes in your life can still impact it in certain ways--especially when you're not of a monosexual orientation.

    I hope this helps, but also take it with a grain of salt. I'm certainly no expert. This is just my two cents. :slight_smile:
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Hey welcome to EC.

    Did this happen all of a sudden or would you say it has been more gradual over time?
     
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  4. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @Lillian22 and welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    I can’t relate exactly to what you’re describing, but I did genuinely believe that I was straight until I was in my late twenties. There are quite a few members here on EC who have come to new realisations or understandings of their sexuality relatively later in life, so know that you are not alone in that sense.

    Have you spoken to your partner about how you are feeling? How’s your relationship otherwise? Would you say that you are happy and fulfilled?