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Do you feel like part of the lgbt community?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Oct 22, 2015.

  1. ConsciousRose42

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    That's great to hear :slight_smile: baristajedi
    For me I am also surprised how quickly I feel part of ...
    I haven't Been to any gay events since I'm out but I am excited to in the future -
    I can't wait to go to pride next summer
    Being here is also very good for identification and being part of
     
  2. Jalo

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    Online, totally. In real life? No. I'm not out yet irl
     
  3. Choirboy

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    I can identify with this to a degree, not in particular with just the LGBT community, but with ANY "community" where people are drawn together by one particular aspect of their complex personalities or interests or beliefs. I don't think that communities are bad things--not by a long shot. They are a great way to feel validated and included and involved; they draw people together and give them strength and a sense of belonging. That's important and valuable.

    But the flip side of it is that people who might otherwise not have much in common are drawn together by virtue of that one thing that they DO have in common, and for some of us, it's not always the best fit. Or else we perceive ourselves as being unique or complicated enough, perhaps on top of some social anxiety or introversion, that we feel uncomfortable trying to fit in based on that one particular trait. Or else we're comfortable enough with ourselves deep down that being part of a community seems like too much of a compromise of who we are--or we're insecure enough that we feel threatened by a group. It's very complicated!

    I can think of any number of groups I could be part of based on my interests, my faith, my orientation, etc., but I really don't feel any great compulsion to be part of them. I'm too skeptical to fit in well with some of the diehard Catholics I know, even though I'm certainly a Catholic and am unlikely to stop being one. I have several local ethnic communities I could be part of, but running around in lederhosen and dancing polkas just because my grandfather came from Germany seems awkward to me. And I could jump into the gay community, but my experience so far has been that my general introversion, plus my political and religious leanings, wouldn't mesh well with a lot of the gay people I have come across, and I'm not giving them up to please anyone. (They certainly haven't played well on EC, and I've observed frequently that I've taken far more abuse from gays for being Catholic and conservative than I've taken from Catholics or conservatives for being gay, to the point where I don't post with anywhere near the frequency I used to.)

    So personally, I have a pretty good number of gay friends and I'm making more all the time, but I don't really feel part of the gay community, and I'm fine with that. I shared that with a very supportive straight friend, and she observed, "nothing wrong with just being part of the human community". That pretty much sums it up for me.
     
  4. Snever2late

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    I don't feel like part of the community, or any community for that matter.

    Here there isn't much going on in terms of the LGBT community, particularly being a single mom makes it hard to get out to those kinds of events and meet people.

    I've reached out to a few people, but I don't really have any friends in the area. People who care about me, yes. People who i spend time with...no. I'm struggling with that a lot, actually. I also feel like being gay has become such a huge part of how I identify, and I don't know that it's healthy to feel like that.

    But I would love to meet people and feel comfortable with them.
     
  5. Tightrope

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    No. I don't. Maybe the following will explain.

    I will say that there are some INDIVIDUALS in the LGB community (I've left off T because I don't know anyone who is T) who I like more than members of the heterosexual community, as a percentage of the overall pool. That's for a couple of reasons. First, they are available to spend time with because many don't have significant others and don't have someone barking orders at them. Second, they tend to be less judgmental of what you're doing and not doing. However, when it comes to individuals in the LGBT community who are militant, dogmatic, and pushy, I don't care for them and have never had any as friends. I can easily say that I enjoy my more relaxed heterosexual friends way more than I could ever enjoy the company of militant members of the LGBT community.
     
    #25 Tightrope, Oct 25, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2015
  6. crazydiamond

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    I have made a lot of friends since I started frequenting an LGBT meeting here, and been to and been a part of events. I do feel like I'm a part of this community.
     
  7. Filip

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    I like to think of myself as an "associated member".
    I certainly am out to all I know. I have a fair few gay friends. And I do, on occasion, attend meetups (actually, I attended one just last weekend).

    And I do love EC, so online I'm definitely involved.

    But... it's not my primary association. I'm not really good at associating with people just over being gay. Instead, I think the main factor tying my friends/social groups together is a general nerdy/geeky disposition.
    Even with the gay ones (my best friend is gay, and so is my boyfriend, obviously), I spend most of my time on gaming or movie/book/TV series discussions.


    tldr: yeah, I feel like a part of it! But it's not my defining social group
     
  8. lilla

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    I used to really feel part of the LGBT community in my college town, but now that I'm living back in my hometown I'm having a hard time finding a community to connect to (irl, that is). I'm hoping that with some time and effort I'll find more of a community here -- I guess it'll just take some patience.