I was supposed to have a meeting with my psychologist, but they never contacted me- so I must admit I'm feeling very high strung. I'm not asking for mental advice here, but rather personal advice. This person who I'll be talking about is someone I considered to be my best friend- but right now I'm feeling very wary of that title. My feelings of uncertainty started a couple of months ago when they started to become a bit more attached to me than I liked. They didn't like it when I walked ahead of them or too fast, if I spoke to them in a different tone from other people (my relaxed, deeper tone) they would assume I was mad, and eventually explained to me that they were scared of me going off to college (no matter how much I reassured them that I wanted to keep in touch and never thought they were annoying). At the moment, these seemed a bit weird but not crazy- but looking back I think that behavior is very strange? Also, again no matter how much I reassured them that they never bothered me- there was always a lot of insecurity and reassurance over and over. THIS IS THE MOST CRUCIAL PART OF THE STORY: Recently this friend (which for convenience sake I'll just be putting "F" in place of their name) was gone to a mental hospital. They filled out that mental health service survey that they give you at the doctor, in which we are both months from being legal adults in our country, so it's not like we're 11 or anything. They took F to the hospital and since they've been back they have completely changed. They don't try to talk to me or their other friends anymore, are very irritable over small games/things, concerning behaviors (as hearing things, covering their ears, and just repeating "no"). They just kind of float around. By the way, when I say hearing things, I'm not saying that I don't like people who deal with Schizophrenia- but personally, I don't know how to react to it, especially because F is not being treated at all and doesn't seem to be looking for treatment. I don't want to do anything wrong to hurt them or influence the voices, you know? At one point I wanted to talk to them about boundaries in our friendship, which they've avoided/ignored that conversation (twice) despite saying they wanted to talk about them. And it's funny how this shocks me, from clingy to distance and there is a sense of "shouldn't that relive you if you hated the clinginess?) But, I mean I didn't want F to go away, I wanted them to respect me. And now I'm here, feeling very conflicted. I feel guilty about wanting to pull away, because of the experience that they're going through and me pulling away will make F feel more alone. I know how bad mental illnesses can be, from personal experience. But I'm starting to dread seeing F, and feeling like talking to them is an obligation rather than a fun thing. I don't know, I feel like a jerk right now. If y'all have any advice, lemme know cuz I'm stuck.
Stuff like this can be very difficult to navigate. How do we gauge how much mental and emotional energy it's worth to invest in someone who might not be willing (or able) to invest the same in us? For this situation though, it sounds like your friend is developing some potentially scary disorders and needs more help than you can provide. By all means, try to stick with them, but also try to make sure they get the treatment they need. If they absolutely refuse, and their family/other friends (or whatever support base they have) fail to get them treatment... yeah it might be best for your own mental well-being to start distancing yourself from them, especially if you have plans to relocate for school. As someone who struggled with their own share of disorders and issues, capital 'H' HATE saying that, but I feel it's the truth. It's one thing to put your wants ahead of their needs, but we all need accepting and healthy environments, and if this person can't/won't accept treatment, what else can you do?
