Dating while living with homophobic parents

Hello, @Aka77!

@LostInDaydreams has brought up some great points and questions already, but I'll pitch in as well:

Unless there's a possibility of you being able to date this guy on the DL, it might be in your best interest to hold off for the time being. I understand this can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening, but your safety is of the utmost importance. Even if your parents weren't to become physically abusive, it sounds to me like they have no shortage of ways to make life more difficult for you than they already have.

I think it would be a good start to look into some support networks in your area; are there any LGBT+ organizations that can help you in this specific predicament? Any friends or close family members you could go stay with for a bit until you can find a place of your own?

If it turns out this guy likes you and you can date on the DL, be sure to let him know about your situation beforehand--that way he isn't blindly walking into a difficult situation.

If this isn't viable, it might be time to start saving up for a place. However long it takes, it would be good to start doing so in case you find yourself in need of emergency money. This is supposing a worst-case scenario of course, so if you don't think you're in any real danger, I would just say approach this situation with caution.

Either way, now or later--you need to get away from your parents. They are toxic, and as long as you're under their roof, it will be difficult for you to live as your authentic self.

 

so sorry to hear how life has treated you @Aka77 I can only imagine how you feel and how isolated you feel around your mum and how she has treated you about your sexuality.

The way she has acted has shown maybe she can't seem to realise that you liking a boy is fine in society and that not always does a male have to like a girl as you should feel equal as the same as a straight male.
At the end of the day she should not make slurs and treat you differently due to your sexuality as that hurts and I am so sorry you have gone through that you did not deserve that.

Bi people are getting treated differently because we aren't Lesbian or gay we are in the middle we should be treated the same as it is totally unacceptable that we get slurs etc.
it is not up to your mum who you choose to like, if she doesn't respect you then you know that you don't have to listen to her when she is abusing you with those words. Have you talked to her about this? well done for reaching out keep posting, Hugs!

Ayla -

 

First of all, it's great that you've found someone at university that you like, and hopefully he likes you back. It's hard cos you want to be honest and open with your family, especially about relationships. But if they aren't accepting then they'll not be happy with it, will try and ruin your relationship with this guy. In my experience, I go on dates quite a lot, but don't tell my parents. I just use uni as an excuse, and they'll believe it. Sadly I can't lie for the rest of my life, so I will tell them, especially if I want to bring him home or make him my boyfriend (never brought anyone home before so they'd be confused af). Wishing you all the best, sending hugs and love <3

 

Wow, this is strikingly similar to my situation. I hate you have to go through something like this too. I went ahead and decided to take a chance on my girlfriend but in order to do that I had to accept the risks. If you really want to date this guy despite the risks you need to hope for the best but plan for the worst. You can't take pictures together, you can't be seen together in public, you can't do any public displays of affection, you can't leave evidence of being together in your phone anywhere, and you have to be very careful of who you disclose your relationship to. If you don't do all of that you could get caught easily, and you need to have a plan in place just in case- like excuses to be together and a place to stay if things go awry. Keeping your relationship a secret like this will probably take a toll on you both too so make sure you're regularly checking in with him and acknowledging your own feelings. I hope this helped! Good luck!

 

How you doing ?