Cycle of Confusion

It

makes total sense. If you are like me, you’re gay. You are beginning to truly understand your nature but still feel some need, whether by habit or general admiration to notice pretty women or interesting women. The question of why do I still look or notice is constant. It’s confusing. It’s mostly our upbringing though. Straight men don’t have these questions or worries going on in their heads. Questioning gay people do

 

I understand where you're both coming from. When I see a pretty woman in public, I'm attracted to her but not sexually anymore. When I see a good looking guy in public, I'm mostly agnostic. In many years past, I had some great sex with women, but I also found myself at times fantasizing about men, focusing more on her butt, and doing oral on her did nothing for me. I finally reached a point where orgasm was nearly impossible. Now, I fantasize exclusively about men or men I've been with, and I masturbate exclusively to men or gay porn. And, unlike with women, I find sex with a man erotic and it's a fight to hold back from having an orgasm too soon. So, even though I still find pretty ladies attractive, after taking everything into consideration, my scales definitely tip in favor of being gay.

 

This has been a really helpful thread, with very relevant contributions that are helping me get my head around my own situation. I fantasise about sexual contact with men and any sexual content in my dreams only involves men and never women. I’m more likely to notice an attractive man in public than an attractive woman and I’ve been assessed as gay by many people in my life (my mother included).

Yet I have always pushed back against my genuine feelings and sought straight relationships because of internalised homophobia created by being raised in a society where there was never any positivity towards homosexuality. Gay sex was illegal in the UK for the first few years of my life, so public attitudes had not really softened much by the time I was reaching adolescence and young adulthood. In my professional life, being gay was seen as a weakness until the last couple of decades when diversity is respected, by which time I wasn’t brave enough to deconstruct the wall I had built around me to hide my true self.

 

It happens very similar to me. The difference is I'm sure about my attraction to men, and sometimes I Fantasize with women. While, I have had a lot of sex with men and enjoyed it. Fantasies about women are more generic. The only time when I had sex with a woman was in a threesome with a couple where I interacted with both. I didn't think I could do it without a guy.
I think my clicle are more complex. While, sometimes I wish to be bisexual. On the other hand, sometimes I whish to be asexual because relationships (whatever the tipes) are always complicated.

 

I can relate a lot to what you are saying, except that I always knew and accepted that I was gay. The problem was, I didn't want anyone else to know, and therefore I couldn't act on it. I took pride in my ability to make other people think I was straight. Since I am attracted to men, (I'm on that end of the lesbian spectrum) I could genuinely tell people that I found certain men attractive and date them, etc. I figured I wasn't really gay because of that, just had that potential which I would never act on. I would flirt with women then turn them down. Now I am much happier since I accept what I truly am, and the best part is, my husband knows and accepts it. My fear of what other people would think was actually confusing my idea of what I was. Something like, if I don't act on it, I don't have to admit what I am, or that I desire certain women. I was living a completely phoney life as a heterosexual.