Cycle of Confusion

I hope you are genuinely gay and not bi but just put off women for life by your ex. I bet there are a lot of bi women who only date women because of bad experiences with men. But you know, it probably doesn't matter, its only a label. You seem like you're well suited to being with guys. Being in a relationship with a woman always felt a bit off to me, like I was totally in love with the idea of two women being together in a romantic, life-partnership sense. It still gives me a warm feeling inside when I see two loved-up women. But it just didn't feel like it was right for me. I even thought the same way before I met my partner, when I was completely disinterested in men and only interested in women. It wasn't a strong enough feeling to stop me from doing it entirely and I'm sure if I had kept dating women it would have happened, but it certainly made me hold back with developing feelings quickly. Maybe its comp het?

 

^^^THIS^^^
i'm renowned for my epic profiles on gay dating sites. i get disciplined and parse them down... and then think of something else and it grows again, but all written with the desire to evoke a similar open, vulnerable response from a guy. i swear, if one more guy tells me he "likes walks on the beach" i'm gonna have a nervous breakdown.
i go to great lengths (so to speak) trying to explain that i consider a Mans internal "cock" to be equally important to His physical one, an i mostly get deer in the headlight responses. It seems so many guys think of sex as an end in itself, rather than a means to connect with another person, and just how profound that can make the physical part.
i have experienced it though, and it kinda ruined me for sex without the emotional feedback/communication. i can testify that guys are capable of doing this, and i'm convinced they are 'feeling it' so much of the time, but i think are highly conditioned against sharing those feelings.

 

Guys in real life for me is never the same because I’m so closeted I can’t even relax. One time I did and was the best experience.

answer me this, how much more alive does your body feel when you fantasize about men compared to women?

 

One other subtle difference between men and women for me is that I seem to attract men all the time like they can sense it. Gay encouragement videos really help logically make you aware that straight guys don’t talk about the things we talk about and wonder. It’s comforting for me to hear women say this so worth a try for acceptance, even temporarily

 

Sorry you mentioned dating sites and made me think about how easy it is for me to attract men.

nice to be out, I love you all so much for this space. (L)

 

The thought has crossed my mind a number of times, especially when I was really trying to come to terms with things last year. In part that's why I created both a straight and gay dating profiles, thinking maybe I was gay. When I received the topless photo from the very nice girl, and it was a nice photo, my reaction was "oh please don't send me anything further south!" and that was the moment I realised I was gay and not bi.

I've never been in a romantic relationship with a man, only several friends with benefits. I'm both excited and nervous about the possibility. I think the nerves are partially the unknown, but I think there is also a level of the comp het at play too. It's one thing to have had discreet homosexual relations, it's quite another to be out in public with a same sex partner. I know I worry too much, and I figure if my other gay and trans friends can do it, so can I.

 

I have experienced similar. I like to think I'm a reasonably attractive man, but throughout life I have had little attention from women. I had a couple of co-workers who flirted with me, but I'm pretty sure they flirted with everyone and it was nothing special. Yet with me, I've ended up friends with every gay colleague, they just seem to find me. There wasn't any flirting, but then it was known I was married with children. Since accepting myself I figure I must emit some sort of confirmation signal as the new postman flirts with me every-time he has a parcel for me!

 

You can definitely do it! What's Birmingham like, it must be pretty LGBT friendly being a big city?

 

I don't know the scene well, but I know there's a large area in the centre known as the Gay Village and there's a pretty large annual Pride Festival. It'll be a while before I can take advantage of it with my sole parenting responsibilities, but maybe attending the parade with the kids can happen soon.

 

Yes, my brother and his wife have already offered to come with me and make a great day for me and the children!

 

You say that you have gay fantasies about being with a man. Do you have fantasies about (A) Being with a masculine guy ? (B) Being with a feminine man ? (C) With a transexual (D) Or whatever ?

I also am not attracted to men in general, but feminine men do it for me who I initially meet on the web (I have an athletic build from training in the gym). A bit like the attraction between feminine and butch lesbians. But a good looking woman in a tight dress etc can still catch my eyes while I have little interest in men in general. But when I'm with a femme gay man it really sexually turns me 100% on. I still remain in the closet and don't see a reason to make public my sexuality, but haven't the slightest doubt I'm gay. Straight in public, gay in private. So, as to my questions above, in your fantasies is it a certain type of man you are interested in, and if so what type ?

 

You seem very similar to me. But you seem afraid to cross the line and try gay sex with the type of man you fantasise about ie slightly feminine. In my case my first experience was with an escort a transgendered woman (was born female, no Adams apple, had breasts etc but a penis and testicles). First time I had a penis in my mouth and it was more satisfying than I thought.

Some people may be against the use of an escort, but it is a private arrangement, no one but you knows what you did, as it's temporary there is no commitment or going to the bother of trying your luck in bars, clubs etc. So it's good for experimenting. The start of my gay journey don't know how it will work out for you.

 

Sorry I was meant to put 'other men', not just 'men'. My male partner soaks up 100% of my desire for men. I don't know what it is about other men, but I'm not really interested. I think maybe it is lack of connection, lack of trust etc. The idea of hooking up with a man I didn't know well never sat as easily as the idea of hooking up with a woman. Maybe its a self-preservation thing?

 

These changes will come as you continue to embrace your homosexuality. Along with the habit of looking at women fades so does the doubt. You start to realize that being gay is fantastic and you have been fighting it for nothing. For us gay is as natural as breathing, it’s who we are!