Cycle of Confusion

What is it about behinds that makes them so appealing? i'm a total bottom, but a guys butt is arguably my favorite part of His anatomy.

 

I can be mesmerized by a man’s cock. Wanting to suck it to climax is my favorite fantasy!!! I haven’t done it yet because I am so picky!!!

 

Is the desire to give head just like a generic desire to do it or just a specific person? For me its always a specific person. Rarely do I think "I'd really love to go down on a woman" without thinking of an actual person. Either someone who I really fancy (which hasn't happened for a while) or thinking about someone I've been with before. For me its mostly thinking about their reactions that gets me going. I think thats why I've mostly preferred being with women, because they're usually more vocal and let you know how much they're enjoying it more than guys do, or at least the few guys I've been with have done.

 

Funny, my experience is the exact opposite! Setting aside the narcissism of my ex-wife, I wonder if there is anything to the fact that same-sex partners know exactly how to please their partner's body? So, following this logic, same-sex sex is clearly more satisfying!

 

Was she the only woman you've been with?

 

Yes, so my sample size is not representative for straight sex! I have wondered many times, that if I had been married to a better woman, would I have been content? Would I have identified as Bi? Hard to say, but I'm inclined to think the answer is no as I know I missed the same-sex sex the whole time I was with her, there was a longing that couldn't be fulfilled by her. Since separating, I haven't missed straight sex at all and really only think of it discussing things in this forum.

 

I bet you'd have found it easier if your ex was smoking hot, a pleasure to be around, clearly into you, knew what she was doing and was eager to please, but given you're more/exclusively into guys there'd still have been a big piece of the puzzle missing. But could you have lived with it? But both people really have to be into each other to keep the passion burning and avoid it getting stale. Mismatched sex drives can be a nightmare to navigate even when both people's sexualities are lined up.

 

I think you're right, and I do often wonder. I knew she was wrong for me before we were even married, but I stayed with her because I was too terrified that she'd tell everyone I was gay, and I wasn't ready for that. A better woman wouldn't have blackmailed me in the beginning, and maybe a lasting, healthy, relationship could've still developed. Perhaps there are alternative universes where these questions are answered, but I do feel I'm exclusively into guys and have no desire to find out. I kinda feel like I wasted 22 years because of my own fears, now I just want to live my own life!

 

On the plus side though, you've got a stack of kids. Whatever you've lost by being with her, you've not come away empty handed. How long until your youngest is an adult?

I still find her behaviour staggering. There's plenty of manipulating and gaslighting people out there, but actual outright blackmail is another thing entirely.

 

Yes, absolutely! They are a huge blessing to me and I'm so glad they're part of my life. In many ways, I think I'm one of the lucky ones. I know other gay men who had to leave the family home and all but lost contact with their children because of resentful wives. Not only have I got the children, I have the house. While the custody battle isn't concluded, and I fully anticipate divorce will be next, I don't see things changing much from as they are now. It's about 16 years until the youngest is an adult and I've been single parenting him since he was 4 months old.

Her mother isn't much better, and it was her gaslighting me in those early months when the wife was in hospital that really woke me up to what else I had been enduring in the marriage beyond the initial blackmail. For a long time I thought it was a bad marriage because I wanted to be out, but no, it was an abusive relationship from the get go and I was busy surviving that I was blind to it. I think she was abusive because her mother was, and I suspect her grandmother before that too. The cycle is broken, and thankfully I have a chance now to find a happy relationship and I feel better equipped to abandon a bad one. Hopefully the children will learn from this for the sake of their own relationships. The best part is that it's currently all about her abusive behaviour and nothing to do with my sexuality.

 

so interesting. I always thought women’s bums were nice to look at but didn’t really understand what everyone was talking about when they said they’re an ‘ass guy’. Now, when I see a guy’s ass in Speedo’s or something I totally get it.

 

You've still got a lot of parenting ahead of you then. I hope everything goes your way with the custody battle and divorce.

 

I think you will find once you have been intimate with another man there is no going back. The experience eliminates all the doubt and reservations as you begin to realize this is exactly what you have been searching for. Any remaining thoughts of attraction to women just totally fade. You can admire the male body openly and sex becomes an incredible adventure.

 

Its a strange one. The thought of being with any man other than my partner just does not do it for me at all. I do enjoy checking men out but thats as far as it goes. Visually they're attractive, hot even. But I have zero desire to get my hands on them. I've heard straight guys say things like "I need to get some p***y" and I definitely don't have that desire for just a single part of someone's body, especially when its no-one in particular. But there are girls I've been with and other (straight) women I know and am strongly attracted to, if they picked up the phone and told me they're up for restarting something or trying something new, I'd quit what I was doing, tie my hair back and be there in 5 seconds flat!

Or a big part of me would want to, anyway. More than ever I feel like it's just not appropriate behaviour for someone in a committed relationship, even though my partner has always been cool with it.

 

I've heard men talk like that too, and it's just disgusting. I don't think it bugged me much as a teen, it was just the way guys talked, but now as a father of daughters I hear it and think "Is that really what you reduce a woman too?"

This made me laugh!! I'm also picturing a super hero sort of response: "The girl needs me, I'm on my way to save her from sexual loneliness!"

 

To be honest I don't bat an eyelid when I hear a comment like that. I've heard the exact same from women talking about men, and you don't hear men complaining about it. Its mostly just bravado/banter anyway.

I couldn't let one of my girls down in their hour of need! Being with a woman is still my main fantasy. Even when I'm with my fiance I sometimes think about it. I'd probably think about men if I was with a woman though. You always want the thing you can't have.

 

Yes, as a collector I can totally relate to that sentiment. For a long time I wondered if I was bi and simply missed being with men. The confirmation (amongst everything else discussed in this thread) was that, since sexual relations ended with my ex nearly 2 years ago, I don't miss it but was still missing sex with men.