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Current relationship makes me want to avoid my identity

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Renegades, Nov 11, 2020.

  1. Renegades

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Denver
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
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    All but family
    I present mostly a a more masc female who is gay. I know I'm not cis, I've known that for years, I just haven't been too open about it because I haven't been able to get counseling to help me figure myself out, and I'm neurodivergent which makes it harder for me to process and understand what is and is and isn't normal to experience. I sometimes know when things make me feel dysphoric but then sometimes I don't and am just uncomfortable and don't know why.

    It's slowly been harder to deal with the last several months. I have a girlfriend, who is amazing and so accepting of my identity and cares so much about making sure I feel valid. The problem is that she absolutely loves talking about the different parts of my body that she loves, the biggest ones being my least favorite. In the past when I have asked her to stop sometimes she acts like it hurts her feelings, especially when I feel the need to cover up more or just plain don't want physical contact and pull away from advances.

    She likes to go on full on "rants" almost talking about how beautiful she thinks my body and I absolutely hate it every time because I don't like my body. I am not sure if it sounds weird but I hate all of the comments she tries to use to make me feel better about my body. Most of them usually pertain to my chest, hips, legs. All things that tend to make me feel dysphoric. I somewhat mentioned my discomfort with her comments and how I didn't really appreciate the specific comments and she got visibly upset by what I said, her feelings were obviously hurt by the fact that I didn't appreciate what she was saying.

    I just want to know if anyone has had similar experiences and how they handled it. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do or say, especially since her feelings are so easily hurt. Almost as if her feelings are directly tied to what I think of myself. The fact that she gets so emotionally sensitive about it also just makes me mad, as in rage fueling, because its my body. There's nothing she can say to make me feel better about my body if she keeps affirming the things that I greatly dislike.

    I would really appreciate any input cause I'm not sure what to say or think right now.
     
  2. QuietPeace

    Full Member

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    First, this does not sound like a healthy relationship. She does not respect your limits or desires. You have asked her to stop and she keeps doing it. Regardless of if you decide that you need to transition it seems to me that you should find someone who can respect you.

    I have been in similar situations. Just for information, I am diagnosed Asperger's, gender issues do seem to be more common among neurodivergent people than the general population though I do not think there are studies about that. For me transition was necessary and many people in my life did not respect my need. I had to cut them out of my life.

    I think that seeing a therapist who is experienced in gender issues might be a good thing for you.