I am a male who for years has fantasised about having sex with men. I have experimented and enjoyed it at the time but always regret it. I fantasise about men and women but if I’m not watching porn and just imagine it it’s mainly imagining having sex with men. I feel more turned on thinking about men and when having sex with women I have to feel relaxed to get an erection otherwise I worry about it. In the gym I never look at guys and think ‘cor he’s hot’ but I will about women. I’m confused! I look at women’s body’s and think they’re beautiful, but as soon as I see a penis (a nice one) I just want it inside me (sorry). I’m so confused! Does this mean I’m Bi as opposed to gay? Even though I mainly watch gay porn?
Sounds like a guilt and shame around being attracted to and having sex with men. Many gay men who were repressed or in denial start to lose all interest in women when they accept that they are gay. Like you I looked at women and found the beautiful but always fantasied about men. Only you can decide, but I had all these same feelings when I was in denial, once I accepted myself and faced my shame I realized my desire to have a man inside me like you described was way stronger than any feelings I had for women.
Only you can decide, but this is very common for gay men who haven't accepted themselves: I am not gay, I have romantic fantasies about women. I am not gay, I notice beautiful women on the street. I am not gay I only fantasize about the penis (That should be pretty telling, shouldn't it?) Once I accepted I was gay, I started to have fantasies about being with men romantically and looking into their eyes and kissing them. Are there any men you have found attractive or you just don't notice on the street? Before I accepted myself I realized I was ashamed to look.
Do you have shame/guilt about it? Going back to your original post, it sounds like you enjoy sex with men, when you fantasize without porn it's about men, but you feel ashamed about it. So is the issue that you are confused about your sexuality or the shame and guilt?
Nothing in what you are saying above seems to indicate any meaningful attraction to women. You say that your fantasies without porn are about sex with men, and you describe women's bodies as "beautiful", something many gay men can relate to. Only you can know the truth, but I concur with the comments above; what you are describing sounds a lot more like someone in the bargaining stage of coming out than it does someone who is genuinely bisexual. ('bargaining' refers to the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance), in this case, loss of your identity as straight, and the bargaining typically looks like "OK, I like guys, but I can still retain my connection to, and belief in, my attraction to women, because that feels safer") As mentioned above, what you are describing is pretty much a textbook classic example of someone coming to terms with being gay.
