I'm posting here because I don't have anywhere else I can be open about my inner turmoil. I think I might be attracted to girls, although, I'm not sure. This is sort of personal, but I often find myself wanting physical contact with the same gender. Whether it is at a sleepover and I want to sleep in their arms, or at lunch where I want to rest my head on their lap. I keep having to hold back these urges of mine from being expressed orally. From the times I have expressed my feelings, I've been shut down. For me, I used to see it as a wanting of comfort, but after seeing the reaction from my friends, I've come to question whether it really is just an unconscious wanting of comfort. This has been going on for me for a while. I made an account on ###### to see what would happen if I talked with a few girls, but the idea got me so nervous, I deleted the app after one person messaged me. I am a sucker at social skills, and I know almost nothing about myself or my identity. I hope at least someone can help me with my situation, in any way. Really just having someone I can talk to is more than enough. I just feel so lost with myself. Thanks for reading.
I get it a bit, but I don’t know if I can help you much. I am questioning myself too, if I could be in a relationship with a woman. I have been able to imagine being romantic with a woman and sometimes just the touch of a woman feel good. I don’t even know why. Do I like the softness? Or is there something else? I am shy and get nervous, when I try to talk to strangers too. If you want to talk, then I am happy to listen.
It feels good that this is not only me. Sometimes I get so anxious that I am making a big deal out of nothing.
It’s not just you and it’s okay to explore your sexuality. I never even considered before that I could like women. Maybe it helps you, if you write down your thoughts and ask yourself different questions, like why do you think you want to feel comfort? You can only figure out these feelings by yourself.
Welcome to EC When you fantasize or while you masturbate who do you think of? I like close contact with others if I have already developed trust in them. It is not something sexual and has nothing to do with my orientation, just that I like to be touched (but I hate being touched by strangers). You might just be wanting touch or this could be that for now you are afraid to be out and this is as close as you can come to it. Only you can figure that out though. This sounds to me as if you need to find better friends. Friends are people who listen to you and care about your needs. We cannot specify apps or dating sites here. For me I found that dating sites were horrible for actually meeting people, they only seem to be good for hookups and are entirely appearance based. To actually meet people that I can talk to what I do is find things that I like to do and then meet people through that. Eventually I find friends and then those people are people that I can talk to and sometimes the friendship develops into a relationship. Could you get into counseling? It might help.
Hey to me (although maybe I'm reading it wrong) it sounds like perhaps you are fairly sure there is some attraction to girls but that is a really scary thought and it can be difficult to be sure and get your head around it.
Fitch.....There is a book by Gary Chapman titled "The Five Love Languages". Reading it may be a very big help for you. It was for me! You see I too long for physical contact from the same gender. In the book Mr. Chapman lists one of the five Love Languages as "Touch". It made so much sense to me. I had very little actual love expressed to me growing up through touch. My step-father was emotionally and mentally abusive and my mother, while I know that she loved me was so wrapped up in the turmoil of her life that she never expressed love to me through touch. In fact, I can not recall, her ever saying I love you to me at all. I can distinctly remember deliberately saying I love you to her on a phone call on her birthday in 1999 and hearing her reply, I love you too for the first time in my life. From then on I made it a point to always end our phone calls (we lived 1500 miles apart) by saying "I love you" so that I could hear her response! A touch, a hug, etc. have always meant a lot to me and I suspect that you may also have touch as your "Love Language". Check out the book...it could be a big help to you! .....David
