I’m seeing a new guy, and I legitimately enjoy his company and spending time with him. He has expressed interest in me. The issue I’m having is that I just don’t know and typically in the past if I don’t know it’s a no and things don’t get better with time. I would like to keep hanging out with him, but I also don’t want to lead him on. We have been physical with each already. I’m not crazy physically attracted to him, but we have some physical chemistry. I just hate always finding myself in this situation where I’m just unsure about someone. The guys I have been sure about in the past didn’t treat me well or didn’t choose me, and this guy is doing just the opposite. He’s making his feelings known and he is clearly choosing me. Why does this have to be so hard? #foreveralone
I think it's okay to carry on, as long as you don't make any sweeping promises. If he opens up about having explicit feelings for you though, I would be careful. I've been in his place and your place, and it's hard going through this in both places. When I was in his place, the guy I liked distanced himself from me after I confessed, without having a proper conversation with me about it or really making sure I was okay. And that hurt, so I'd avoid just distancing completely if it gets too hard without giving him some kind of explanation or conclusion. What is it you want though? If its casual, then maybe check in with him and if he's okay with that, by all means continue. But if its a bf and you're not feeling things with this guy, it might be best to leave things for both of your sakes and look elsewhere
I appreciate your reply. The truth is I’m not really looking for a relationship at the moment, but it would be naive of me to think that he would be fine with something casual. I told him a couple weeks ago via text that my interest in dating/romance right now is pretty low, and he responded with “I’m interested in being more than friends” (I was thinking, did you read what I just wrote?). In any event, probably worth simply communicating that I’m not looking to enter a serious committed relationship right now. I appreciate the advice.
You need to set up a boundary and send him a clear message that you are not interested at being in a relationship, otherwise it will just lead him on and he keeps trying.
I agree with the advice you've received thus far: the best approach here is honesty. It sounds like he didn't comprehend what you said to him before, or perhaps he didn't see the message (perhaps a glitch?) but as you've been physical with him, perhaps you can make sure you clearly set your boundaries/expectations in-person? Ensure he understands that given where you are right now, it would be better to take things slow and keep it to a more platonic level. You might develop stronger feelings for him, given time and patience, or you might not--but as long as you make your position known, you've done your part. If he doesn't comprehend it and finds himself hurt in the long run, you can find solace in knowing it is through no fault of your own. That said, I hope he listens to you--really listens to you--so that you both can avoid any potential mess down the road.
Thank you. He definitely saw what I wrote because he responded right away. I think honesty is the best policy. Have a good day
