Hi, I'm an 18-year-old girl. I've always fallen in love with men and been attracted to them, but as of late (with the exception of one young man that I had a class with this past year and the guy that I've had an on-and-off relationship with for a while) I haven't developed any crushes on men or even felt attracted to them in a sexual context. I've masturbated to the thought of having sex with men, but at all other times of the day I don't even want to think about sex with men. (I'm also masturbating only every couple weeks- a LOT less than I used to, I used to get anxious and irritable when I didn't masturbate at least once a day!) I went to see Magic Mike and found myself a lot more attracted to the women in the movie when they were portrayed in an erotic context- I wasn't attracted to the men at all. However I've never been attracted to a woman in real life, but now I think I might be psyching myself out and telling myself that this is because I was in denial. I've just never felt compelled to view another girl in real life like that so far. I should add that when I used to masturbate often the physical appearance of the woman was a lot more important than that of the man, and when I was in middle school I had a female friend that I would cuddle with in a semi-sexual manner a lot. However, despite the fact that I felt slightly turned on by her, I'd usually pretend that I was snuggling with a guy that I was enamored with at the time. uh, does this make sense to anybody? does anyone have a similar story to share/can anyone shed some light on my situation? I'm just PETRIFIED of getting in a relationship with someone of one gender or the other only to realize that I prefer the opposite gender
Well, to begin with, if you're not comfortable getting into a relationship at this point because of your questioning, then the immediate answer is simple - don't get into a relationship right now. Nobody said you have to, after all. It sounds to me like this is a pretty new realization for you - did you suspect anything of the cuddling with your friend before? Or are you looking back over it now? When I VERY first became involved with guys, I would sometimes think of women that I had thought I found attractive, but that was more to keep me from getting too excited by the guy I was with - I wasn't imagining the women in his place. For now, try not to second-guess your feelings too much. Be honest, at least with yourself, about what you're feeling in the moment, moment-by-moment. The Magic Mike example is a good one - in that moment, you felt more attracted to the women. And that's fine. If drawing long-term or overarching conclusions from that one moment is too much at this point, then don't - just wait until you have a larger pile of those moments to draw on. Do you record them anywhere, like in a journal or a blog? That might be a decent idea to start with.
I agree with Gravity completely - there is no rush to be in a relationship, you just need to explore more before you say yes, no or maybe. Being attracted to BOTH sexes is also a possibility and there are may people here in the same questioning position as you, plus an awful more who've been there and done that. Hello and welcom to EC, by the way :smilewave
thank you both so much for your wisdom and kind responses It confuses me a lot because I have three sexually active female friends who tell me that they are absolutely straight but that they only masturbate to women and lesbian porn! The only time that I've kissed a guy I wasn't turned on and ended up thinking of another guy (whom I've never actually met) that I find more attractive. I overthink my attraction to a lot of guys, though, and I think that contributes to things a lot. When I was with my friend in middle school, I never really worried about questioning my sexuality- I believe I thought that I was attracted to her a few times but when I really tried to think of her in a romantic light... nothing. Whatever my sexuality is, though, I don't want to feel the urge to fight it. But for some reason that's my first impulse, which frustrates and saddens me. I don't want to claim to be attracted to women when I'm not, but I also have no desire to be "in denial" :|This may be cliche but 'I believe it's reasonable: I really want romantic companionship of some kind; but if I'm confused about my sexuality, how am I supposed to know what to do or where to look? :c (you're right about holding off before I'm sure though)
