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Conflict of religion and sexuality.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Micah, May 15, 2008.

  1. Micah

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    So it's been a long time since I've made a thread in the Support and Advice form, simply because (in terms of my sexuality) my life has been brilliant. My parents seemed ok with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, and everyone else in my life embraced my sexuality and accepted me.


    I came out to my parents last year (just under a year ago) and they were the last people I told, simply because they are hardcore christians and make it clear they don't accept homosexuality.


    So since then it's been pretty cruisy...the whole process was a bit of a "ok thats fine, we dont agree with it, but we still love you". Since then I've been single.

    Up until now. I met a lovely boy called Davey a few weeks ago and we've been dating ever since. Well tonight he's coming over for dinner with the parents and I'm actually bloody nervous about the whole thing. I told mum 2 nights ago that my "friend" was coming over for dinner and that we were "seeing eachother".

    Just about 10 minutes ago I was sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch and dad comes and sits next to me - something was awkward because he kept changing subjects until it "seemlessly" landed on tonight's dinner.

    Anyway he said something along the lines of "Micah, we're more than happy to have your "friend" (he emphasised friend, heh) over, but you need to know that this doesn't mean we support the lifestyle that you've chosen for yourself, and we think its an extremey destructive path you've chosen".

    ARGH. I turned around and just glared at him. And said a simple "ok"

    Dad: "We love you, but you have to respect our beliefs"

    Me: "I do respect your beliefs, but you need to respect mine"


    I don't know what just happened or how tonight will go, but I guess it shows my parents aren't as cool about my sexuality as I originally thought. Wish me luck.
     
  2. sayitforreals

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  3. Mirko

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    Good Luck! :slight_smile:
     
  4. otc877

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    You should've confronted him. It's not a choice.

    Put yourself in his shoes, everything he's heard about homosexuality is what society tells him, IT'S WRONG! IT'S A CHOICE! THEY ALL HAVE AIDS! etc.

    So, holding onto his preconceived notions about homosexuality being a choice (and a terrible one at that) he can never fully accept you for who you are if he doesn't understand it.

    Explain to him that it was not a choice, and that you cannot change it. You've given them time to think about your sexuality (a year) and that's enough distance. Start talking about it, tell them you want to talk about it, explain that you feel that your relationship with them is strained because of this unresolved issue.

    Once they can understand that it isn't a choice, and that you are not one to frequent bath houses and have unprotected sex with anything that walks, they will start to view your sexuality as a trait, rather than a bad decision.

    Hope this helps, and good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  5. darkestknight

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    Ah man, my pa said the same thing too to me!

    Well, no need to argue with him anymorez, just with a simple, "I like it that way..." :grin:
     
  6. hoping

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    good luck man and have fun with your guy even though they are your parents its your life you are who you are and they have to accept that and if they dont its their problem not yours.
     
    #6 hoping, May 16, 2008
    Last edited: May 16, 2008
  7. Leigh

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    wowzer. im nervous for you lol.

    GOOD LUCK!!! hope everything goes ok :slight_smile:
     
  8. Level N Human

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    Aw, well hopefully they will come to realize after meeting him and getting to know him that your relationship with him is just like any other normal relationship. (Unless oyu guys have really hardcore kinks and whatnot, but they won't know that - right? :grin:) I guess only time will tell. Hope your dinner is alright! ^^
     
  9. JSG

    JSG Guest

    Awww good luck Micah (*hug*)
    I hope it all goes well.
    I think you should have made it clear that your lifestyle isn't a choice, well unless you're flamboyant and camp, but that's different.
     
  10. Good luck! Tell us how it goes!
     
  11. Alexander

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    You just need to reexplain to them that it's your life and it fits your moral code AND it makes you happy. The whole religion thing is rather irrelevant in the big picture, as you don't share the same religious beliefs as them. Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  12. n1ck

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    Sorry to hear that your parents are finding your homosexuality challenging. :frowning2:

    I was really lucky that mine were totally accepting and religion didn't come in to the equation. (One is an Atheist and the other a non-practicing "cultural Christian")

    Hope it all works out for you and best of luck! :slight_smile:
     
    #12 n1ck, May 16, 2008
    Last edited: May 16, 2008
  13. TriBi

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    No problem.

    I've met you. You are strong enough to win out on this one.

    I'd wish you luck - but you won't need it. :slight_smile:(*hug*)
     
  14. Lexington

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    >>>You should've confronted him. It's not a choice.

    It is, actually. BEING gay isn't a choice. LIVING gay is.

    The real problem with what was being said was the implication - no, the outright statement that living as a homosexual is destructive. That's where he has it backwards. Being gay, but forcing yourself to live as straight, is destructive.

    Lex
     
  15. Jim1454

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    ^ Exactly!

    Good luck Micah! I'm sure you'll all have a good time.
     
  16. Micah

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    Very true actually. The last thing I wanted to do was get into a huge fight about my sexuality the day that I'm bringing my boyfriend over, so I sort of just said:

    "Well we'll just have to agree to respect each others' beliefs"

    -----

    So how did it go? :slight_smile:

    Bloody brilliant. It was a tiny tiny bit awkward (but I guess that's too be expected for any relationship, boy or girl) but otherwise my parents were brilliant and extremely polite to him. My mum (who has a tendancy to ignore things if she doesn't like them), acknowledged that he was my boyfriend in conversation, asking things like "how long have you two been together?" - I think a while ago my mum would have avoided any questions relating to his sexuality. So there were a lot of positives.

    In the morning mum also made us breakfast which isn't like her at all, so I think Davey made a good impression on her, and she saw that he was a normal guy living a normal life.

    Ps does anyone else find it amusing that my username here used to be Dave and I'm now dating a David? Hrm....
     
  17. Quitex

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    It is the destiny baby. :slight_smile:
    I'm glad eerything went well!!! :grin:
     
  18. Mirko

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    Hi! Glad that it went so well! :slight_smile:
     
  19. Gerry

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    Yeah I'm glad to hear that went well for you. :icon_bigg
     
  20. KaraBulut

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    I'm a little late in reading this, but I agree with the way that you handled it. The timing was not right for a confrontation. The purpose of the day was not to arm-wrestle your parents into acceptance, it was to introduce them to your boyfriend.

    Acceptance often comes along with familiarity. It's easier to hate "those fags in San Francisco" than it is to hate a gay family member, your gay next door neighbor or your gay friend. That's why coming out is an important thing- because people who think they could never accept a gay person often don't realize that someone they know is gay.

    If your parents like your boyfriend and he's respectful and thoughtful when it comes to dealing with them, your parents will work through this and in time, they will move closer and closer to acceptance.

    Congratulations, I'm glad it went well.



    David is a most excellent name. :icon_bigg