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complicated situation

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Bludzee, Dec 23, 2022.

  1. Bludzee

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    Ok so, this story is a bit chaotic and hard to understand, I'm sorry if I don't explain it well.

    So, for few mounths now, I love one of my friend that I'll call A for simplify things. Tuesday I hang out with her and other friends. After a moment, they start talking about boys (I say nothing cause I haven't come out to those friends yet). Someone mention that A finds multiple boys'instagram becsue she finds them hot. I'm kind of surprised by the annonce, but whatever. Then another friend add that A even found her crush instagram. They say his name, E and the consonants of E's name. When they say that I realize that I know a E [full name], he's the guy my best friend love.

    So now. My best friend, let's call her O, is the CIA, ok, she knows everything about E and since she's my best friend she often info dump information on me. So now, I know way more about E (a person I actually do not care about) than A who has a crush an him.
    But when I say O is a spy service, I'm not joking, she knows his name, schedule, home adress, his mother's name, the fact that he's adopted, his shoes mark, and I know this too because O told me that.
    I'm loosing my mind over the fact I know all of these info but I say nothing to A.

    Now the other wierd thing is that, the friend group I share with O often do edit of each other crush. It's just stupids jokes between friends. I participate to that. I've got a few month old edit of E in my phone to piss of O but know I don't know if I should keep them or not, they're a joke between friends, it would be sad to delete them, but how the hell could I ever explain the whole thing behind it ?

    Now I'm jealous of that random guy because A has a crush on him. I mean, I know I will never date her or ask her out, I always know that but it still kind of hurt... Not to mention the fact she stalk people on intsgram and that's incredibly creepy and I don't know what to do with this infomation.

    I've talk of this with my best friend. She's as confused as I am.
    I don't know if anyone can give me a piece of advice nor had a simular experience, I'm just lost, diaappointed, frustrated, angry and sad about this stuff. It's just a really wierd coincidence.
     
  2. BiGemini87

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    Hi, @Bludzee. I know it's hard when your feelings are unrequited. I don't think there's a lot you can do, if you already know you and A will never have more than friendship. If knowing a lot about this boy (E) upsets you, you should ask your friend O not to tell you more about him; the more you know, the harder it is to resist learning other things--even the kinds of things that make it hurt more, knowing he's the object of A's affections.

    I'm a little confused: A follows a lot of boys' instagram accounts, but you said O is the one that's kind of a stalker, in that she knows all this irrelevant info (such as the tread of E's shoes and the like), so I'm wondering why A following these accounts bothers you more than O digging up information? Or was O digging information up on your behalf?

    Whatever the circumstances, it's not healthy to fixate or dwell on these things. I know that's easier said than done (I've struggled with some of the same over my life), but however strongly you feel about A, it would be better for you to let go of any expectation in the long run. If there's a chance she's attracted to girls too, you could tell her how you feel. I know it's risky, and when it's not mutual, it oftentimes hurts the friendship--but if there's a chance it could turn out differently, it might be worth it. Conversely, only you can decide whether to tell her or not. If there's really no hope there, perhaps you'll need to take some time away from her to heal; it's okay if you need a bit of space to sort out your thoughts, or to grieve over the ones you can't express/that she doesn't return.

    Take some time to reflect on what you want and need, and to think about what your friendship means to you and whether you're willing to risk it. It's not an easy decision, and truthfully, there's no right or wrong course of action; just be sure that whatever you do, it's something you can be content with.
     
  3. Bludzee

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    Hello, thanks for your answer and the advices.

    No, O was digging up information for herself. Honestly, I don't really care about E, it wasn't on my behalf at all. I know O's action are creepy but it doesn't bother me as much because I'm use to it, she did that way before I know that A has a crush on him. While with A it's kind of surprising she act that way, I know her for years and she never did anything like that. It's not really logical, I know and I'm not unbiased.

    Well, I've taken this decision mounths ago and I will say nothing. I don't want to loose this friendship. That's why my reaction bother me, I shouldn't be that hurt by that since I know nothing will happen. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't be that jealous. But I still am. And that upsets me.

    It's going to be complicated. We're in the same class, we often sit together during classes, I eat with her every monday and thursday because of our school schedule... I can't just distance myself without giving explaination and obviously, I can't give explaination here. And right now, I'm in the holidays. So I had a little more than a week to distance myself but next week I have to go back to school. I didn't really have time to heal from the event of tuesday in a short amount of time. And as for healing in general of the feelings, I had plenty of time during the summer vacation, but it wasn't that efficient...
    Honestly I don't have much to do here. I'll just avoid to behave in a bad way when I go back to school.
     
  4. BiGemini87

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    I know it's difficult, but try not to be too hard on yourself for your feelings/reaction. Emotions seldom deal in logic and rational, and that's okay--it's okay to feel the way you do, even if it doesn't make any logical sense/isn't fair. As long as you understand these feelings for what they are and don't allow them to dictate your actions, you have nothing to feel guilty about. I get it, though--it's easier said than done.


    I see. That does seem to present a bit of a problem. I'm sorry I can't be of more help; I hope things get easier for you with time though, and that you're able to handle things in the meantime.
     
  5. BiGemini87

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    I know it's difficult, but try not to be too hard on yourself for your feelings/reaction. Emotions seldom deal in logic and rational, and that's okay--it's okay to feel the way you do, even if it doesn't make any logical sense/isn't fair. As long as you understand these feelings for what they are and don't allow them to dictate your actions, you have nothing to feel guilty about. I get it, though--it's easier said than done.


    I see. That does seem to present a bit of a problem. I'm sorry I can't be of more help; I hope things get easier for you with time though, and that you're able to handle things in the meantime.
     
  6. Bludzee

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    Don't apologize, your answers make me feel better, thanks.
     
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