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Completely Depressed (Need Help)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kayasha, Mar 14, 2009.

  1. Kayasha

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    I have a boyfriend who I have been dating for about 5 months. Everything seemed fine, but on Thursday night he started saying that he was having some problems and he didn't know if he wanted to stay in a relationship anymore. He told me all the things that had been bothering him and I said that I would work on the mentioned things, and then he said everything was fine. Then Friday morning he called me and we were talking and everything was fine. He seemed happy, and he even said "I love you" before we hung up. Then we both went to school (different schools) and when I called him afterschool a world war began. He told me that he doesn't love me, he never did, and he only thought that he did. Then he said that he was never happy with me and doesn't want to be happy with me. He said I'm incappable of ever making anyone happy. Then we kept talking and he was all. Let's try again. So then we were back together. Then after about twenty more minutes of talking he said that he wasn't going to give me another chance because he hates me and wants nothing to do with me anymore. Then I started arguing with him about how he's being such a jerk because all the times I wanted to break up with him and he wanted to stay together I actually cared and gave him another chance. Yet, now the first time I need another chance he is totally unwilling to give me one. Then the weirdest thing happened and he broke down crying? And he just sat and cried saying that he hates his life and that he's worthless. That he hates his family and that he hates his friends and he hates me. That he's never been happy and all anyone does is make him unhappy. Also that he is so upset that no one loves him, cares about him, or needs him. And he thinks that all of this hurt that he is feeling will be fixed by getting rid of me. So I stayed on the phone and tried to comfort him? I tried to make him see that he won't be happy if he gets rid of me because it won't fix how he feels in general. It will only be a temporary fix. I also tried to tell him that I love him, but when I said that all he said back was well I don't love you. Then after he finally did calm down his father walked into his room and asked him "Did you get rid of her yet?" And then my boyfriend was all "What do you think I'm trying to do?" And then they both laughed. So then after about another hour of talking he said he is gonna give me another chance and that he is going to "try and make it work" but he still "doesn't love me" But maybe he will? So my question is, is this really all him talking, or is it stuff that his parents have been saying? Did he really only "think" he loved me? And most of all is all of this trying really worth it?
     
  2. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    If you have to go through all this over silly little notions.
    No.

    Get rid of him and move on. Especially if the parents are against you and can persaude him on what's best for him. It's his and your love, not his parents. And if he says he doesn't love you repeatedly, and thinks that may change over time--that's a giant red flag.

    It's over. Most likely.
     
  3. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC! :wave: Not entirely sure why you landed here, on a site for gay/bi/questioning folk, but we're certainly open to all. So let me tackle your problem, and see what I can come up with.

    Your (ex-)boyfriend, to quote a friend, appears to have more issues than National Geographic. It's understandable to want to break up. It's understandable to not be sure if you want to break up. However, if a guy says:

    * he may want to break up
    * he's decided to stick with it
    * "I love you"
    * "I've never loved you"
    * he's breaking it off
    * he'll give you one more chance
    * he's cutting contact
    * he'll stay friends
    * he wants another chance

    ...all within the space of a few days, something is majorly wrong somewhere. And whatever it is, it's probably best if you're not totally immersed in it. I'd just send him a note (text, IM, e-mail) and tell him something along these lines:

    Look, it's obvious you're having some major confused thoughts about things right now. Whatever it is, it's probably best that you take care of it. Let's just put our relationship on hold right now while you work on it. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. But let's not even talk about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing until you get your head in a better spot, OK?

    Lex
     
  4. Vampyrecat

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    I agree with Lex -

    He sounds like he's got some stuff going on and you're right - he is taking it out on you. But it is not healthy for you to stay in a relationship where you are made to feel like that. You deserve the very best. (*hug*)

    And welcome to EC :slight_smile:
     
  5. Eleanor Rigby

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    Hi, welcome to EC.
    Your boyfriend seems to be really confused and I completly agree with Lex suggestions. I would just ad someting more. Do not let yourself being hurt badly. If you can wait until he became clear, that's ok, but if you feel that you can't handle the situation and that it makes you feel depressed and confused, you'd better stop that relationship before you get really hurt.
    Take care, Eleanor
     
  6. justinishere

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    Lex poses some great points. However, if this is true:

    "Then after he finally did calm down his father walked into his room and asked him "Did you get rid of her yet?" And then my boyfriend was all "What do you think I'm trying to do?" And then they both laughed"

    Then I don't think he is taking anything seriously right now. Sure it sounds like he is having some problems, but if hurting others is what he is intending to do, I think you should leave him. Sure the problems he is going through could be making him emotional but if you are getting hurt it is not worth it.

    I would say that you should just be a good friend for him. If he says that he doesn't love you, maybe he means it but thinks you are good company.

    I hope I helped in some way :slight_smile:
     
  7. Tiffany

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    Yeah, umm... I think you need to get out ASAP. "best" case scenario: he's extremely, and unhealthily confused and possibly slightly crazy. "Worst" case scenario: he's totally playing you and he's trying to be a jerk. Either way, you're better than that. You don't need some guy that's going to mess with your head and your heart like that, or even a guy that has no flipping idea what he wants.

    You don't want that kind of emotional abuse, it's not worth it.

    I know it might be hard, especially if he's in a "but I really want you back, I love you" mood when you break it off, but you need to. Move on to someone healthier, he is NOT the best that love/men in general has to offer.
     
  8. Jack2009

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    I agree with everyone else here, find someone else. He is too much and will probably continue his actions. It's not worth it for you. Best of luck.